My Language

Language is a beautiful thing isn't it? Language is one of the most important aspects of life. Language can be found in almost anything, not just proper English. Language can be anything, sign language, written, movement and even something you just made on impulse. One thing about language that definite, is that languages always evolves. in my life, I have had many experiences with languages. My language has always been changing, always evolving. Let me show you, my struggles, my accomplishments, my evolution.

Lets go back a few years, to when I was still starting out. This scene is about how “successful” I was at talking to others and trying to make friends. I was always a nervous and over thought everything. I still do.

 3 seconds. What do I do? They were coming closer, only a few feet away. Thoughts raced all through my head. Calm down Nicholas its no big deal to anyone else, so I can do it for sure. But, what if it doesn’t go so well? What if I fail like always? What if I’m just ignored again? 2 seconds. No I can do it. I must do it! I need to change. Don’t lose faith now. I don’t want to stay like this! It’s so degrading. I don’t want to always be like this. I want to be more like you. You’re So open. You’re So free. If only I could take some of that for myself. 1 second. Please. Move. Do it. Just simply, speak. 0 seconds. “‘Yo” I mumbled with a quaking, nervous voice, barely audible. I was passed, so coldly, simply because I did not know how to use my voice. One day, I will be more like you some day. Just wait, and listen.

This, was a very common thing for me. I was always so quiet. It was so difficult for me to get good points across, so my ideas were usually left there. Dead. I just pushed my ideas aside, killing them in the process. Haha. I was an unintentional accomplice in murder. And I was fine with that. So it was always hard for me to make friends at school. It stayed like that for a majority of my life. Tragic. Ah, but it wasn’t just at school, this was at my house to, although it was only a little bit, I was always shy at home. I was just a timid little child, un-able to use their voice properly. I always felt  powerless, since words mean power. That feeling of helplessness still lingers with me today. From that experience I learned something very valuable though. It is impossible to live without language. In order to have a normal life, you need to have some kind of language. Without language I would just be some nobody. Unimportant.

Why was I so pathetic with using my voice. Well I guess you could say it was my background. Both of my parents are from Jamaica, but me and my siblings grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood. There was pretty much only a handful of colored people there. There was a small amount of slang there, so I learned proper English. After a while I moved to Upper Darby into a predominantly black neighborhood. Even the white people were black. I found it extremely hard to fit in for the next few years, simply because they grew up around slang and I had to get use to talking to them. I learned how to talk using slang, but it did not come out naturally,since It was not how a normally talk, so I Just sat there listening. Even just listening to them talk was enough back then. Because I learned this new language I gained new interests. Music was one of the most important ones, because it has become an irreplaceable part of my identity. Even though you can not completely comprehend a language, as long as you can somewhat understand it, you can evolve from it.

Now a days I am more talkative. I have gotten better at using slang, and use it regularly. But, just because I learned a new language, doesn’t mean I don’t use proper English. There are advantages to both. When I speak in my casual language, I can relax and express myself. Not to forget making new friends. When I use my formal language, I get adults to respect me, and my friends parents to love me, and the more people that love me, the better. But after getting better at both of my languages, I feel so much more free. Especially at home, where I use a mixture of both.