Never asking, but always targeted

The scene in The Handmaid’s Tale that resonates with me the most is when Janine stands in front of the group and confesses that she was raped at only 14. She did not receive support or comfort, but instead, the other women were forced to chant and tell her that it was her fault. This moment reminded me of the time when a man followed me home without my knowledge, and my mom and sister decided to worry about what I wore out of the house that day, rather than just comforting me. Additionally, there was an instance when my friend was almost taken advantage of on her way to school, which was when we were still in the 10th grade.

Women are often blamed for the things done to them. Even though my mom and sister didn’t blame me, it still felt like it was my fault. I did not know this man from anywhere. It was summertime, and that means fewer but more comfortable clothes. I often hear “What were you wearing?” or “Why didn’t you say no?” instead of holding the actual person accountable who caused the harm. I remember one time, at my old school, my friend Carolyne was almost taken advantage of while on her way to school. Once everyone at school found out, they tried to blame her for what happened. Not just students, even staff members. Saying things like “I told her to stop wearing her skirt like that” and “What did she do?”. It felt as if no one genuinely cared what happened to her. I used to go to a catholic school in my 9th and 10th grade years. We had to wear skirts and knee-high socks. We would often roll our skirts up 2-3 times to have a shorter, more “cute” length. This was basically standard practice for the majority of the girls, except for the ones who came from stricter religious backgrounds. We all rolled our skirts up as a collective, so why should Carolyne be blamed for someone trying to hurt her on her way to school? This situation reminded me of Janine; both situations shift blame onto the victim, rather than the perpetrator.

When I was followed home that day, I had on an athletic set in the color pink. People often comment about my body, sometimes as compliments, or just to be disgusting. I know certain clothes emphasize certain parts of me, but that is far from my intention. A man saw me exit my Lyft ride from the bus stop at the end of my street and thought it was okay to approach me as I tried to enter my apartment, even after I deliberately ignored him. Thankfully, I got in the house before he could get into arm’s reach of me, and upon my entrance, I told my sister what happened. I know my mom and sister were only trying to protect me, but it felt like they were blaming me, instead of the man who chose to follow me. One thing about my family, word spreads fast. Not only did my sister know, but my mom, grandmom, cousins, and aunts. Just like Janine, I felt the weight of someone else’s actions. Just like Janine said, ‘It was my fault. It was my own fault. I led them on (Atwood, Chapter 13).” Did I inconspicuously lead him on by the way I dressed that day?

My reaction to this scene is a mixture of shock, anger, and sadness. Anger because why is victim-blaming so normalized? Sadness because Janine was a young girl who had her innocence stolen from her. Shock because why would Aunt Lydi think it’s okay to make people say these things to her? So much so that Janine actually started to believe it as if it were true. Even though the book is written in a dystopian context, it closely mirrors real-life struggles and oppression that exist in our society today. “Her fault, her fault, her fault, we chant in unison. Who led them on? She did, she did, she did. Why did God allow such a thing to happen? Teach her a lesson, teach her a lesson (Atwood, Chapter 13),” the handmaids were forced to chant, showing how systems can be put in place even by other women to force blame. People who you expect to understand, people who should understand, ultimately end up repeating the same oppressive behaviors. Atwood did an outstanding job emphasizing this scene. Reading is so powerful, but when you watch it, it’s even more powerful and real.