Night Time Monologue

Posted by Mia Concepcion in English 2 · Pahomov · E Band on

I don’t want to be here right now. Not now and not ever. This is the 7th sleepover I’ve been invited to. I had a way out every other time, until now. (She says with frustration). I still got my list of excuses: a family member died, early doctor’s appointment tomorrow, I’m sick, dog died, and my favorite: throwing mom under the bus and saying she’s making me finish all my homework. But my good old mother just had to rat me out this time. (Sighs and laughs.) She told Lucy’s mom I was free tonight! (Shakes head.) And now I’m stuck here and I can’t even have fun. I want to, I really do. But it’s just eating away at me.

It’s midnight. (Looks towards window.) It’s really dark out. They already watched movies, chugged gatorades, and they just finished the final round of truth or dare. One of them just curled up on the couch with a blanket! Soon they’ll be sleeping. First one will drift off, then the next. I’m not worried about a sharpie mustache on my face. No. I can’t sleep. I just can’t fall asleep. If I do, my friendships will all be ruined. They’ll know, the secret will be out. That I’m a freak. A weirdo who wakes up almost every night in tears, unable to breath, shaking, sometimes screaming. It’s the terrors, the night terrors.

They started a year ago. Every night, it’s the same god damn thing. The same image, the same person haunting me. It’s a never ending nightmare, but worse. I just can’t fall asleep. Lucy, Olivia, Emma--they all won’t like me anymore. They won’t know what to do with me, or how to help. (Tone switches to hopeful.) I mean maybe, maybe if they see me like that, maybe I won’t get another invite. Then I’ll be in the clear! (Frowns.) But, no. They’ll still know. I mean, I’ve dealt with it long enough. None of my friends know, I’ve kept it to myself. If people know they’ll just ask too many questions. (Shakily.) I’m tired of all the questions. (Sighs and tears up.)

He hit me. He beat me. He made me feel so worthless. My mom’s boyfriend. (Screams) He hurt me. (In a more exhausted tone.) And I’ll never forget it. He’ll never let me forget it. He’s gone now; he’s been gone since I told my mom. But now, look what I have to deal with. Every night he’s there. In the darkness he comes. I don’t know how to make him leave. I just want my life back, I want to be normal. I want to go to sleepovers, I want to sleep a full night through. I just want it to be over!

Maybe there’s only one way to get rid of him. I need to be stronger. I need to tell people, and stop hiding. The more secrets I keep, the more I go through this alone, it won’t ever stop. He’ll always have power over me. I won’t be safe or free until I finally let people in. It’s just so scary. I don’t know how they’ll feel, or what they’ll say. But I have to get help, I can’t keep greeting each night like this! Maybe if I tell people, get help--maybe I’ll finally get some power. I can make him go away. Just maybe. I want to be normal. (Burrows further into sleeping bag and rubs eyes.) I want my life back. (Yawns.) Maybe tonight, maybe for once in my life, the only thing I’ll find in the darkness, is night time. Maybe.

Comments (3)

Sara Frunzi (Student 2020)
Sara Frunzi

Your monologue is really good. Also, s/o to Thea for the voice acting. I like how you were able to realistically convey the night terrors and the story about how your character started to get them. There was a lot of good character development here, with your character going from trying to avoid a sleepover, to being at the sleepover and not wanting to actually sleep, to diving into herself and how these night terrors arose, to finally being able to fall asleep and have a plan to help herself.

Serenity Baruzzini (Student 2020)
Serenity Baruzzini

This is relatable and realistic. It's playful, but you can also see the dark side of the experience for the character. There's great character development, and the ending has me feeling satisfied. I think we all have fears, and we have the same worry that your character does, but it's refreshing to hear someone have a revelation, and not just sink deeper.