Reflection Through Offred’s Mind (Josie Hilton)

While reading “The Handmaid’s Tale” By Margaret Atwood I was able to pinpoint my own emotions that aligned with the protagonist Offred throughout the pages 50, 51, and 52. This small section includes Offred’s space and the thoughts that live there alongside her. She speaks about taking the time and appreciating her room. She is left with a lot of responsibility but even more time. So when she can finally call her room, hers she takes the chance to analyze each corner, and crack in the wall. “There has to be some space, finally, that I claim as mine, even in this time” (50). Offred has finally accepted her room as hers, not just a room. I feel myself through this moment as I am very particular about my space. My room represents me in every which way, and I wouldn’t be able to call in mine unless I truly felt I belonged. I moved from my childhood room to my older brother’s when he went to college. I had a new space and wasn’t sure how to fill it in a way that would make it feel like mine. Over the years I have hung new items from the walls, ceilings, bookshelves, etc. I live under a canopy of pictures, paintings, postcards, and polaroid pictures. All of which make my space, mine. Offred speaks about hotel rooms, the freedom and experience that comes with them and how she regrets not being able to appreciate those moments now. “How I wasted them, those rooms, that freedom from being seen.” (50). There are many moments in my life I look back on and know I will never get to experience again. Like the freedom of being a child, only worrying about my next playdate and what my dad packed in my lunch. I crave the lack of responsibility I had and there are times I wish I could go back to experience that freedom all over again with more appreciation. This feeling is frustrating and when it comes along there isn’t much to do. Offred’s life was taken from her so suddenly, all of her norms disappeared and the freedom she had was ripped from her. Looking back on all she had, she wishes she could go back just to experience it again, with much more gratitude. It’s hard to really acknowledge that the moments we live through are crucial until we eventually know we will never be able to live those memories again. Nostalgia is a very powerful feeling, it’s connected to what we once knew and comes suddenly creating an overwhelming sense of happiness, sadness, grief, and appreciation. It’s something you can find while sitting on the train not giving your mind any boundaries to reminisce, or through smelling the perfume of your preschool teacher on a stranger, or through finding a song you played on repeat during a rough time in your life while your playlist is on shuffle. Offred is left with heaps of time with only memories to keep her entertained, she describes the feeling of nostalgia when thinking about her husband Luke. “I have them, these attacks of the past, like faintness, a wave sweeping over my head” (52). This is what nostalgia feels like to me. Missing something I once had, reminiscing, remembering. The physical emotion makes you want to put a hand over your chest and rest your eyes, feel the moment all over again. While exploring the closet in her small room, Offred finds a message engraved into the hardwood floor. It reads in a language she doesn’t understand, but the pure fact it was there in the first place sent hope coursing through her. “It was intended for whoever came next” (52). Offred believes that this very note was a sign, had a purpose, and was meant to be seen by someone like her. This little bit of hope helps her stay positive. Similarly, I look for things that are small specs of hope in my life. Little signs from the universe. Most likely they are coincidences, chance, or won’t affect me at all. But locking eyes with my lucky number gives me a small pang of comfort. Sometimes it’s nice to take things as a sign, see a message and make it for you. Apply it to your life and give yourself an inside joke.
` There are many ways I could connect to this book, but through this section, going through her thought process I could see myself in the pages. I think in a very similar way and I feel even in this small section where the reader walks through not only Offred’s space but also her mind makes it easy to connect with this part of the character.