Sensitivity is not Femininity

Soon after Offred and the Commander’s affair begins, she asks him for hand lotion to use as a substitute for her typical moisturizer of butter. She and the other Handmaids must use butter to keep their skin from being dry, as lotion is banned by the Wives. “Dry? the Commander said, as if he’d never thought about that before.” (158) He then calls the substitution “very clever” and laughs to himself. When reading, I immediately related this to countless exchanges in my own life where men have been dismissive of my struggles. Men could never understand many of the problems women face because they will never experience them, which makes it difficult to explain how they make me feel. My own experience with this has consisted less of specific moments and more of a behavioral pattern I have noticed. Men in my life have no problem interrupting me or talking down to me in ways they would never do with other men. Our society sees women as objects, which makes it easy to discount our feelings. It is rare that I feel taken seriously by men. I have been shut down trying to talk about politics with family members, being told I don’t know what I’m talking about. Experiences like that one are common and, at some point, make me not want to speak at all.

Offred finishes her explanation by telling him, “Jesus Christ, you ought to know.” She then thinks, “My voice was angrier than I’d intended, but he didn’t even wince.” (159) Her initial frustration over his dismissal of her struggle is inflated because he is now also dismissing her anger. His reaction, or lack thereof, reveals how little respect he has for her, how little she matters to him. Because he already didn’t grasp her original request for lotion, her anger simply seems like an overreaction of a sensitive little girl. He cannot take her anger seriously. Throughout this scene, I could notice Offred getting angrier and angrier with each snide comment, growing closer to her breaking point. As the reader, I felt that same anger, especially having experienced similar interactions myself. Offred then snaps at the Commander, yelling at him, listing all the items that the Handmaids are forbidden from having. Women are often viewed as sensitive because we tend to blow up at small comments. In reality, it is because we are so fed up with the repeated behavior that we can’t take it anymore. Femininity is intertwined with sensitivity, and sensitivity is perceived as weakness. I often find myself holding onto my stress, only to let it out at one small mistake I make or small interaction I have with someone. I’m not truly that upset over one thing, I just was bottling up my anxiety until that point. With Offred, her inner thoughts reveal how she felt from the beginning, but over and over, she stayed silent, despite the Commander’s irritating ignorance. Only when she could not hold it in anymore, her anger spilled over and she snapped. Women are conditioned to be silent and meek, so it is common for anger or other emotions to build up until we can’t hold them in anymore.

This book serves as a metaphor for our society, so it’s easy to draw comparisons to my own life. This specific scene stuck out to me because it was such a small moment, but her reaction throughout really resonated with me. It sets something off in me, the same feeling I get when I notice this happening to me. The constant feeling of being patronized is something every woman experiences daily, but I think it’s something men might not even notice they are doing. Gilead is such a foreign concept to me, but moments like this allow me to relate to Offred experiences and connect with her.