she told me " you stink " im sixteen , so im offended

i went home, with the same intentions everyday.

knock on the door hard, yell through the mailbox to yell at my brother to let me in, run upstairs, hang my coat in my closet , start up the stupid laptop with the bad battery, and finally TAKE OFF MY TIGHT JEANS.

now on a side note, taking off my jeans is one of my favorite things to do in the world. i literally feel free. i bet both my legs and thighs inhale and exhale as soon as i unbutton.  from 7:30 am to 4:15 i suffocated my legs, and thats exactly how i feel .
after doing the routine, i decided to jump in my moms bed. she makes everything difficult so the reason why i was in her bed in the first place was because she was making me call La salle University.
so im on the phone and the classical music is playing for what feels like 85 minutes , and im remixing it with "buy you a drank" by t-pain , meanwhile my mother is flipping through the channels , debating on whether or not she should watch what she calls " gillys"
(gilmore girls) what a stupid $%@! name right?
 THEN  FINALLY some lady from the admissions office answers the phone.
and my mom burst out with " you stink patricia"
 im like " huh " ,
then i switch to a more curious face and she repeats herself...."you stink little girl,you smell like the outside"

since i was little ive been trying to figure out what the "outside" smells like but i end up pushing my thoughts aside and i get defensive and , say " well you smell like the inside"

she goes on to say i smell like old people, like i haven't washed in a few weeks
now
 for one: she didnt have to bring old people into this because now she offending somebodies grandmom or grandpop that we dont even know.

for two: this is my mother, im 16, and this is usually the talk little 12 year old boys have with there mothers after a sweaty game of some sport

i dont immediately jump in the shower at all, i let whatever smell i was walking around with linger in her room, and seep in her bed since she had so much against the "outside smell"

after a few hours , maybe 2 hours . i jump in the shower and im scrubbin my black knees ALL CRAZAAAAYYY because prom daisy duke season is approaching

im just squirting and squirting this  pink stuff onto my washcloth .  scrubbing and slathering.....i take a second to look at the bottle because it smells so good , and
it reads

"suave strawberry shampoo" -_-

 now i dont know whether to be mad at the fact that i just washed up in shampoo or to be happy that smell like i just used my mothers favorite shampoo to wash my gluteus maximus:)