Still Nothing- Jack Eagen
I sit in my chair, spinning, and spinning thinking that something will change. I have been sitting here for hours and still nothing has come to me, nothing has changed. I still stare at the same blue wall, trying to come up with something to write. I am a person with not very much concentration, anything besides work always seems like a better option to me. I look around my room and see the most random thing, maybe it’s a shoe, or a picture, but whatever it is, it interests me more than my work. The smell of all this is something that I could never put into words, not in a bad way, it’s just indescribable. But as I sit their, I recognize it like an old friend. I touch the wood on my desk and feel how flat it is. Still trying to concentrate on my writing but thinking about how all of this is surrounding me as I try and fill a blank page. The essay is due tomorrow, and my ideas still aren’t clear. My mom walks in and asks “Are you working?” I say “Of course”, knowing full and well it isn’t true.
It’s not that I haven’t wanted to work, it’s just my brain. Plain and simple my brain finds any possible way to excuse getting out of work. This is a quality I very much dislike about myself, but it is apart of me nonetheless. I have tried to fix it by getting as far away from distractions as possible, but then my brain just latches on to random things. It might not even be in the room, but I will start to think about it. For example if I am working on something, going jet skiing might randomly pop into my head. I have never even been on a jet ski but it will occupy my boredom for at least ten minutes. And by the time I am able to refocus, I have already lost my train of thought.
Obviously as humans we will need to do work at some point, so this mentality is not really helpful. In all honesty, I think most people who do this have absolutely no idea how to fix this. Yet again the problem might be that we haven’t tried hard enough. That is what I am hoping the answer is because if it’s not there might be an even worse problem. I don’t believe that it is though, I think that it is just an unwillingness to work.
A lot of people close to me have said that when it is something I am passionate about, something that I want to do, I will put one hundred and ten percent of my effort into it. But sadly a lot of life doesn’t work like that. I’ll just have to suck things up and get through it. That’s just a fact of life that everyone at some point in their lives has to deal with. I think that at sixteen years old, it is ok to not have dealt with that reality yet. To be able to, for at least a bit longer, live in my little bubble. But a lot of people are starting to try and wake me up to that reality. At SLA we clearly have people who already have that drive, already are ready and willing to do what needs to be done. For almost my entire life I have wanted to be one of those people. The one that stays up until four in the morning to finish a project. Not because they want to, but because they have to if they want to succeed. And I desperately want to succeed in life, I am a very materialistic person and I openly admit that. If you do not succeed in life, you do not have the option of material things. That is why I know that for me to succeed, I will need to get out of this way of thinking.
For me to be able to do something with my life, I need to do what is necessary. It won’t, for the most part, be what I want to do. But it will be what I need to do. It is definitely important that I acknowledge that now. Because as long as I live in my little bubble, I will never be what I want to be.
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