Stories_Hunt
Here We Go Again
And there we were. At it again. Laying next to each other imagining the possibilities of each other. Exploring each other. I could never explain it. As I inhaled her aroma, enticed by her beauty, her bare skin carressing against mine. “Babe”, she would say. Her lips would slowly whistle my name. Our bodies were in sync once more. My body glided like a razor to freshly shaved legs right above her. She was just a childhood friend, I would tell her this. I know her body. I always give her that fresh feeling and glow right after. I explore her.
It has been six years. Everytime I heard her breathe slowly and softly, her body at relaxation my body goes limp. I was there again, body limp, penis hard. And this is honestly just a diary of a typical guy. I can not explain how much I love sex with her and only her. I tell myself that even though she was “just a friend” she was all I want now. “Slow this time?”, I usually say to her.
We connect eyes, lock our fingers together so that slowly, but suddenly I am back to dominating her body and thoughts. I have a hold on her. I know she was not mine, but in those moment we always share something together. Some days after we would handle my “limp moments”, I keep to myself. I sit there alone in my room, skateboard, hit the vapors and just feel chill. I would catch myself attaching myself to her, addicted to her.
I would catch her slipping into her emotions, but over the months she became much more logical. It scares me. But I will never understand her, yet I never have cared to. She is she, and I am I. We will never fully understand each other’s thoughts. That is what brought her back to me each time, fight after fight. It would always be a misunderstanding.
We have been seeing each other for a while now. I loved that she comes and go. We tried a relationship before and it did not work. I hated the institutionalized ideas of a label or being called her boyfriend. Shit, I am just too young to settle down. I hate to let her down, but I can not stand committing myself. She was due to go soon anyways.
Let me introduce myself.
I am just an 18 year old guy. I do not know what love is. I do not even think I love myself. We stopped saying I love you back when we were 15. Occasionally she will tell me that she loves me. I know she does, I just feel weird about love.
She is leaving in just a month. And last time that is why she left, because I hated the fact that I knew she had to go. I always imagine us slipping us in our old ways when we are not together. I am not binded to her nor she is binded to me. That is the most beautiful part about it. I allow her to go out and explore the world, as she allows me to. I adore her and our bond. I will allow her to explore other people too, I want to taste the salt in her mouth, victory that her vocal cords have yet to scream, and the trail of the people she passes by to get to me. The treacherous moments without me and the battles that allow us by each other sides is what I yearn for. However, I do not expect them.
I know that there is a possibility she will leave and never come back. So as I lay there tonight, and our fingers intertwine, this time is no different. She whispers to me “Babel”. I grasps her sides, pull her close, and press my lips against hers. This time I allow myself to breathe, inhale her aroma, leaning her head against my chest as she plays in my hair. I say to her, “Will you come visit?”. Immediately she responds “Of course I will, I will call you every night crying telling you I miss you”. I reply, “You’re gonna leave me here all lonely and shit”.
Either way she is going to go. I have no say. I do not know whether I will explore others, or whether she will, too. Now is all that she is giving me, now I will take, now I will give. Until we both are granted to love again, even if I am stuck loving someone else.
Wake Up, Wake Up
Waking up this morning was a struggle
And the depths of my thoughts submerged me
Consumed me
Self infliction
So my predilect for happiness kicked in
and I slowly digressed from the thoughts
where you inevitably lie
Yet again I can not help it
Lying to myself
Justifying "us"
even though I know that there is only you
and then there is me
And you continue to be on the walls of my mind
Attached
As if you were the flower to my dirt
Where you suddenly seem to have bloomed
And I suddenly seen to remember that flowers are not my thing
That I hate them and never seem to engulf myself in their beauty
And I slowly begin to have tsunami tides in my eyes
Watering my thoughts
So that they can grow, only greater than they were before
but I stop
and remind myself
that I am the dirt
Used to create such a beautiful disaster
However, I can not seem to stomp on you
Pull you out of the dirt where I know that you can grow
Because I provide you with the nutrients
As if I am your food for thought
And so instead I decide to leave you there
Plant new seeds in my dirt
Because I know that they will grow
So I will crowd my garden
Until there is no longer room left for youSeparation
We were inseparable for years on end. I knew that she was someone who I wanted in the moment. But i could not promise our future moments. I was okay with that. Wrapped up all she and I could be right now. But it was on a gloomy day where we decided we no longer wanted to be confined by the ways of each other. I could hear the subtle ways she would push me away and I would do the same to her. Her actions and her voice as it was all composed of hesitation. I had known her, I had known I. But there is nothing like losing two instead of losing one.
A Love Like This
His hand glided against my skin. I know it sounds sexual, but he knew how to please me. Satisfying it was. It was hand on mine, that got me everytime. Where our eyes met, as I indulged in his chestnut brown eyes. And see, he was not my lover, per say. Little would even imagine that from the way that it sounds, but he is my father. My father held my hand, as my small hand fit into his large palm scooped up by his fingers.
My father held my hand like no other, a bond in which could not be rectified. This was our time together, and few of it is what we had together. He would give me a father-daughter glare and that is what gave me hope. He was the man that I looked up to, confided in. He was the only man I had ever trusted. I confided in him, and I hoped that this would not hinder but help my abilities to have a strong bond with someone else in life. So as his hand softly carressed at the inside of my palm, I could not help but stay.
It was simply satisfying. I did not have to be reassured by his words, or his glares, or his actions towards me. I did nothing but believe. I made him greater than just a person to me. It was interesting and years later, here I am with his hands gliding against my skin. Yet this time it is not my father, but the man I am giving my body and soul to. As I look him in the eye, it is a similar love to which I learned with my father. A first trust, bond, and form of energy I was able to extend.
Effortless
Easily just getting your way with me
Because nothing stimulates me more than your mind
There is something about your creativity
a hint of spontaneity
that makes me wonders what is next
I often get lost in you
A mystery you are
And you do it without even knowing you are or even trying, for that matter
Effortless I say
because no matter how many times you say my name it sounds right
There is a deliberate flow in your words and conversations with me
Forced would be considered a clouded judgement, a fabrication
You are like the clouds to the sky, easily just moving along
but there is no effort
and so again I will call you effortless
because you are sometimes like a spring day
and drench me in your rain
and somehow I just want to run in the rain, spin, twirl, and jump in puddles.
you can even be like a winter's day
Mounding me in your snow, piled high, freezing me to death
but I find a way to just indulge in the beauty, by either playing or just staring all day
but other days I just want to stay inside
Love you from a distance
Cover myself up with layers and layers, so you can not get through to me
Because you are effortless
You do not try to love me
But I seem to be addicted to you
From your multiple layers
Surprise filling
hard exterior
I know you are not the best for me
and that is the most thrilling part
You excite me
Provide me with a rush
and I simply want you
But then again, candy, spring, and winter seem to just as much as you do for me.
Giving me a peace of mind. And these things I learn to let go, although time after time I have repeatedly welcome them again. Willingly or unwillingly, because sometimes the effortless ability to captivate me is all I can ask for.
And even through all of your effortless, I always seem to justify you, find beauty in your cracks, or even in places where I never thought to look before.
And I wonder if that is why I keep you around.
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