Symone Smith- The Voice We Were Given

The Voice We are Given

I walked into the office with nerves jumping around in my stomach like kids in a bounce house.

“ Are you here to start the scrabble club? Symone right?” He asked.

“ Yes.”  I said.

He walked into the principal’s office assuming that I would follow. The principal met us there and introduced herself. We sat at the table and they began to ask me different questions, the usual questions.

“What school are you from?” the principal asked

“ I am a student at Science Leadership Academy.” I replied

“Oh ok. What grade?”

“ I am a sophomore.”

“ So how are you going to run the club? Do you have supplies or do we have to provide them?”

“ Well, I have to attend an orientation next week. There I will be given all of the details as to how exactly I am to run the club and activities that the kids can do. As for the supplies the company that I am working with will provide them.”

“ Okay, well it seems like there is nothing further we can do until you go to the orientation. So here how about you take my card and you can email me with details, questions, etc.”

 My building contact Mr. Jengo finally chimed in, “Did Avi give you my information?”

I had to think about it for a moment. What did he mean by information? All I had was his email address, nothing more.

“Um, no” I said thinking that he was going to give me something other than his email. He wrote just his email on the back of the card. I felt extremely bad, I felt like I had lied to this guy because I already had his email.

 I left the building and headed for the car. That’s when I began to think, I should have said this and I slightly began to panic because I didn’t know the answers to the questions that they had. They probably thought I was just some high school student that did this because they had to, not because they cared. Plus I probably slurred my words again, I hopped that spit hadn’t flew out of my mouth. Who knows what they were saying about me after I left. I often have these kinds of after thoughts whenever I’m talking to someone important or to a group of people. One thing said wrong could make me sound unintelligent.

In her story about a young girl Maxine Hong Kingston wrote “It was when I found out I had to talk that school became a misery.” The little girl in this story felt different because of the way she spoke. She found it stressful to speak in front of the class. This little girl just wanted to be accepted by her peers rather than be teased by them for the way she spoke, so she didn’t talk at all. I find myself feeling the same way in class or even on important interviews. If I don’t have to talk then I don’t because I’m afraid to say something stupid or that doesn’t make sense. I know people are going to talk about it later either way.  I want to give the best impression I possibly can. But lately I have realized that the impression I have been giving is not the real me, because being quiet just isn’t me. I am a loud but intelligent person and that I need to embrace that while I’m with my friends, in class, or even during interviews.  I should not strive to be something more proper than what I am, using big words and trying to sound more sophisticated. I have been striving to express my ideas in class discussions in a way that sounds profound, to make my voice heard rather than letting it fall to the wayside.  But something that needs to be pounded in my mind is that I don’t have to try so hard to be profound because my way of expressing my thoughts may already seem profound to others and if not that is okay to. I just have to believe in myself and stop worrying about what others think. The interesting thing is there are a lot of people that act the same way, maybe not the same situation I’m in but similar. They act and speak in a way that is not them just to receive the approval of others. A prime example is when kids start at a new school. They want to be accepted by their peers so they start to talk differently and even dress differently.  The truth is you should want people to accept you for who you are not for some front that you put on to impress them.  This is where language and identity fall into play. The way you speak is not necessarily who you really are, your true identity. Rather it could be what you are hiding behind. Even if you’re different and speak differently as long as you are being the real you it is a good thing.