That's Not My Name

That’s not my name

The history of my name is a short one. It’s my moms name, no one else in my family that I know of has the same name as my mother and me. My mother’s maiden name is Martina Elizabeth Williams, and my name is Marteena Saraya Johnson. A lot of people think because my mom’s and my name are pronounced the same that I’m a second. But our first names aren’t spelled the same and we don’t share the same middle or last name.

            There are different variations of my name that my family calls me. Lil Mart, little Marty, or just Marty. My mom is called Big Marty when were together because we have the same nickname. It’s a confusing moment when my grandmother calls one of us but we don’t know whom she’s talking to. So she has to say, “No, little Marty.” Or “Big Marty.” It seems weird when you think about it but it’s something I’ve lived with for a long time and I’m used to it by now.

            Personally I don’t like my name. I don’t like the sound of it. I don’t think it fits me. Like James Baldwin says in his essay, If Black English isn’t a Language, Then Tell Me, What Is? “Now, no one can eat his cake and have it too” Just because I identify myself as one doesn’t mean I’m not the other. I may be addressed as Marty, but Marteena is still my name and apart of who I am. I think the name fits my mom better though. My mom is a lot more feminine than me. She doesn’t own a single pair of sneakers that aren’t for working out. I’m used to teachers calling me by first name, but most of my peers and friends call me Marty. I prefer to be called Marty, because it feels like it gives off the boyish quality about me. I don’t like to wear skirts. I usually wear jeans, or sweatpants, and sneakers. Sometimes I don’t respond to Marteena at all, or I’ll reply with “that’s not my name.”

Some people just like the sound of Marteena, more than Marty, and it doesn’t always bother me. Though there’s a distinct difference between Marteena and Marty. Marteena is the type of person to be patient, and polite. A lot of parents joke about trading kids when they meet Marteena. Marty is stubborn and impatient, and often has a bad temper. She also doesn’t like having her sleep tampered with. If she’s sleeping, it’s not the best idea to sit in the hallway near her room.

There were snickers and laughs coming from the hallway outside of my door. My little brother and cousin were in the hallway outside of my room door. I yelled,

“Can you move from outside of my door!”

“We’re not outside of your door, we’re in the hallway.”

“Well, can you move? I can hear you in my room!”

I throw my sheets over my head and lay down. I can still hear my brother and cousin talking. I hate having to get up when I’m tired. I get up and go outside. My brother and cousin are not even a foot away from my door.

            “Can you move from outside of my door?”

They look at me and keep talking like I didn’t say anything.

“Move!”

I hate having to yell to get them to listen. It’s annoying and they always want to act tough and talk back because I am not an adult. I am still older than them, therefore, they still have to listen to me. It seems that they only listen when I yell. As they move from in front of my door, I go back to my room. My chances at getting sleep are at a zero now because I did so much yelling. I lay down anyway, and my mom comes in my room about fifteen minutes later to tell me there is pizza downstairs.

                        Unlike Marty, Marteena isn’t the type of person to yell. She tries not to be rude. She’s also a lot more soft spoken. I think there’s a middle where Marteena and Marty live together. There is not usually just one and not the other a lot of the time. Sometimes there is but its not often, but Marty does show a lot more. Marty is more of a nerd, she like video games, watching comedy, she’s funny, she doesn’t care about much it depends on the situation, and she’s loud. Marty also has the more “do it yourself” attitude, if she wants something done, she’ll do it herself because she’s to impatient to rely on other people and she’s wants it done her way. Marteena is quite, shy, silly at times, a little girly, and she’s more sensitive to peoples’ feelings. Marty is more loose and free while Marteena is more conserved. They also share some of the same qualities. Which is a love for writing whether it be poetry or a story, reading because reading has always been apart of my life, I try my best to make time to read a good book.

I think they both come together on an emotional level, especially when it comes to writing because there’s a lot of feeling in the writing and they share those same feelings. When it comes down to emotions Marty is more conserved with her feelings, while Marteena is an open book. Marteena is the pen while Marty is the paper and the words are the middle, which is where they meet.