The Life I Chose

Sometimes, I have conversations with myself. “My life is really a mess. I’m just a puddle on the sidewalk on a rainy day, constantly stepped on by strangers. I’m just waiting for the sun to finally dry me up so it can all go away.” I’ve also thought, “I am nothing without faith,” a phrase repeated in my head from time to time. I slowly try to fix my mindset, persuading myself that what I believe in will carry me on in the long run. Finally, I’m convinced that my faith, my religion, and beliefs are what hold me together to pursue on to the next day. I’m a christian.

It’s sunday morning, the day of worship for our family. “Wake up your sisters and tell them to eat breakfast, we’re leaving in 45 minutes.”

My biggest struggle every morning was walking up those fifteen steps, taking a right and pushing my sisters door open. “Time to get up,” I scream.

“Huh wha… Okay okay.” She responded.

my sibling are all waiting downstairs for me. Whenever I asked my dad, “Why do we leave for church at 8 am every Sunday?” He’d always answer with the same response.

“Because God wants you to.” I failed to realize that if I were serious about practicing Christianity, I have to commit my entire life.

Once we reached the church, my family stepped out of the big, white van, and walked inside the building. The doors were wide open. As I walked in, I could hear the laughter and songs. Such a pleasant entrance so early in the morning, or so I thought. This church wasn’t even my original church. We were just visitors trying to explore different options. We finally found a seat in the pews and the service had started. I felt lost and alone in the midst of the worship songs. While it seemed to be like everybody was happy, the energy around me was odd. I looked around and noticed I was the only one without a smile on my face. I had questioned myself for the second time that day. What do I really gain out of coming here everyday? This was the life I chose so I had to live with it.

There was an instance, at my church outreach that I was confused to how my Pastor expected me to approach people and bring them to church. “So you’re just gonna give them a cookie then some lemonade and that will give you a chance to talk to them,” I said out of curiosity and confusion.

“Well yeah, the cookies and lemonade are to show how grateful we are to have new people in our church, but if I can get the chance to shake their hand and just tell them about the bible, that’s all that really needs to be down. Now I can’t force them in here yaknow (laughter) but I can encourage them to learn about the word.”

“Can I help?” I said.

“Yeah, you can pass these flyers out and hand out cookies and lemonade to whoever passes by.” He responded with joy. He handed me the flyers gave me a smile then continued handing out cookies and lemonade.

“Why are we giving these out for free,” I said.

“Because that’s what God tells us to do, he doesn’t necessarily say physical objects but he wants us to give and to spread his word. This is how we believe we can do that.” I didn’t really understand. I still thought that a Christian would have to provide gifts to honor God. This was where I realized that this system meant also being a prophet as well. As I got older, the more I realized how complicated this system was. However. growing up being forced to practice this religion made me realize that I wanted to pursue it and commit myself. The scriptures tell me that no matter how complicated it may get, when it’s time, I’ll be just fine.

When you start to live in a Christian way, you automatically take on the weight of spreading the scripture. You need to change your posture, your language, your body language, and your knowledge to determine how many people’s attention you can attract to your topic. Convincing people to change their entire life style is no easy task. The system is different for everyone. Some people follow the scripture in the system to the fullest, some not at all, and some in the middle. For me I believe that this system can be complicated but once you grow up and start to understand you really know how to work you way in it and for me it’s easier to believe. In conclusion, people need to understand that some things don’t just happen. They take time, communication, and dedication to pursue.