The Power of Overthinking

*Ticking sound* Tick, tick, tick… it’s 8:42 am. I forgot to take my meds, dammit. *ticking* When will the ticking stop? Why is it so Goddamn hard for me to remember to take my fucking anxiety pills? *ticking sound* Dumbass clock. See this is, this is why I hate this school, everything is so repetitive and it makes me so anxious. My God, my brain makes it seem as though everything is 1000 times louder right now. *on the beat of ticking* Every noise, tap, sniff, cough, sneeze. Everyone’s moving so much. Why can’t everyone just stay STILL! I wish I could gouge my brains out with a large scooping device and bury my thoughts away. Okay Moriah, focus. What is missing? Okay, you have your pencil, pen, laptop. Pencil, pen, laptop. Pencil, pen, laptop. Pencil, pen, laptop. What’s missing, shit! What’s missing? My folder, right. My folder, okay. Okay Moriah, unzipper slowly. What if the teacher hears me? What if she calls me out and embarrasses me in front of everyone! INCLUDING dreamy-eyed Clark. What if she knows I’m unprepared? I can’t drop my classiness grade to a B, I already have a 91% in this class. Unzipper slowly, slowly. Slower. Okay, okay, *sigh* you got the folder Moriah, now place it to the left of the laptop. Zipper. Slowly. Okay, I probably look so insane right now, Oh my God. What are people thinking? Okay, just pay attention, geez. *sigh* *murmurs* Oh shit, I missed it. What did Mr. Todd just say? Oh my God. *murmurs* What!? Do I have to pick a partner? No! The worst part about projects! I’m always the last one left because I am way too anxious to approach anyone, and I’m too much of a nervous wreck for anyone to even come close to approaching me. Okay, Moriah, you can do this. Breathe. Clark is right there, still left with no partner, and you’ve been wanting to speak to him since the first day of school; since the first day, you laid your eyes on him. Just ask him to be your partner, it’s not that hard, it’ll be okay. *, breathe* *stands up slowly, sits back down quickly* NOPE, not happening. I can’t do this, I can’t. What if he doesn’t want to be my partner? What if he thinks I’m weird? God, I hate myself. Why do I, why do I do this to myself. Why do I make myself think this way? It’s just a stupid crush and I’m going to look dumb if I don’t ask him anyway. He keeps looking at me with those crystal blue eyes as if waiting for me to approach him. God Moriah, you’re stupid, stupid, stupid. *sigh* Okay, I’m just going to do it, no thinking. “Hey, Clark?” DUMBASS! Why would you say it like that, it’s not a question? He probably thinks you didn’t know his name. He definitely thinks you’re weird now if he hadn’t before. Wait, he’s grinning. Is that, good? Or maybe he’s laughing at me… is there, is there, is there lipstick on my teeth? *checks mirror*. *murmurs* “Do I want to be your partner what? Sureee. Heh” What do I do, what do I say? I’m panicking. Should I say yes? Sure? Of course? UGH! I hate my mind! “Sure, yeah, of course!” Did I really just say all three? Oh, I hate myself. *grunt* *Murmurs* “You? *giggle* You were nervous? Ha that’s so funny because, like, I wasn’t nervous at all! Like, it’s totally cool. Okay let’s get this project done.” Woah. Clark was nervous to talk to me? But he looks so, perfect... *gaze into the distance*