I really enjoyed the flow of your story. I thought it was suspenseful and kept me guessing the entire time. I think it must have been a lot of work to create a whole new world, but it seemed to fit in nicely with the story.
Your short story was pretty good, I was hooked on it and felt disappointed when it ended because I wanted to read more. The beginning left some big holes. Readers will get confused about the parents, and why they left. They will also talk about Paulie, and who is she to the main character, and what their relationship is. The science fiction aspect of it was good, the idea of the planet, self-destructing leading to transporting people to another planet is interesting to read. Reminds me of Wall-E. xD
If you continue to write this story, and make it a novel instead of a short story, I'm sure it'll pretty far.
Great job Hannah! The flow of the story was amazing and made me wish there was more to read. Your science fiction element was on point too. I love how you showed and didn't tell for the entire story. It was beautiful. A+
Your story was great! I enjoyed the plot and the characters relationship with each other, and how it builds through the story. I wish the dialogue and descriptions were clearer because I really thought that Paulie was a dog at first and the dialogue was unclear.
I liked your writing throughout, although the dialogue was a little clunky. Besides that I like the story, and seeing your thought process above your writing was fantastic in of itself.
The beginning of the story was confusing, I didn't quite know why the parents were taken away, what happened to them, how the siblings ended up being the only ones etc. But I really did enjoy reading the story. It was unique of you to keep the story on Earth.
Hannah your short story was really good I wish there was more to read. In the beginning, I was a little confused about a lot of things. Who is Paulie to the main character? Why did their parents leave them if they loved them? I loved the idea of earth self-destructing and then having to transport the people on earth to somewhere else. Also, where were the people being taken? I wish this was an actual book because I would read it.
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