The Roadblocks We All Come Across

When growing up with advanced technology and having many social media platforms we tend to lose who we truly are, to act like somebody we are not,or to be “known”. For example, we tend to follow the trends that are out and download the new apps that are most popular to feel included. It's all about trying to be relevant in the social media eye. This usually is called Dissociation because we change our actions, the way we react to certain incidents to seem cool or relatable  even though deep down you are not that type of individual. This isn’t only with social media, the society tends to be our #1 judge when it's time for us to be our authentic selves. We are so afraid to show who we really are, that we enter a state of depression or feel very comfortable in bad situations.

When researching double life in a homosexual perspective I found a website, “The psychological issues of being in and out the closet” by Jack Drescher. He discusses   of gay men and women, periods of difficulty in acknowledging their homosexuality, either to themselves or to others, and how it can lead to depression and anxiety. In the article it states:“Through dissociation of anxiety-provoking knowledge about the self,  whole double life can be lived and yet, in some ways, not be known.”  Dissociation tends to be very common when an individual starts to recognize they are different sexuality wise than people around them. Which is when double life starts to occur or even before, they act like a totally different person with a group of friends than how they are with themselves. This supports my stance on how society views affect the way we tend to see and feel about ourselves. We like to use double living as an escape from who we  truly are. I believe it's somewhat an escape route from discovery because on social media or in person we are viewed by how we interact and dress. In order to not be seen as gay, some men dress boyish and some women will throw on earrings even though they don't like them. This connects to me in many ways because growing up I would try different to find “boy-ish” looks that were in style so I can just blend in with the trends even though I didn't feel comfortable.  is the life of a trapped dog in a house. The dog nature is to be free and breathe but since it is stuck in the house all day, it will become very bored and depressed that it will either submit or find another way to get a glimpse of a fun day. This connects to my first point because we aren't able to be who we are because we are scared to be judged so we either stay hidden or break free and be prideful.

While reading through this article it made me remember I was placed in a similar situation living double lives during middle school when I soon realized I was different. I was placed in a situation where I had to act and dress like a man “should” because I wanted to fit in. As a new school day started I walked out my house and checked myself out in the mirror to see if Iooked boyish. My outfit always consists of loose jeans because most guys in my school wear loose jeans because skinny jeans  are viewed to be feminine.

“You look fine, no worries” I would say to myself because I don't want them to find anything suspicious that connects to me being gay.

Once I lock my door I check my block to make sure nobody is out so I can walk alone. I walk and walk until I am half way and fix the sway in my hips until I hear,

“Yo Lando you forgot to pick me up. Aren’t we supposed to be homies?” a friend, but not really named Justin says.

“ I totally forgot,” I respond.

“What was you doing? Trying to fix your walking style?” Justin asks curiously.

“Nah,” I said lying. I was starting to lightly panic because we would make fun of Nathan a guy who didn't care about fitting in that walked like a girl.  At this moment I lived by what people viewed me as which is why I changed the way I dressed and walked because I didn't want people to think I was gay. Yes, it wasn't something I enjoyed because I am very prideful and interactive but that was usually how females were perceived as, so I had act all tough and unsentimental just like a guy is stereotyped to be like. Which is why it connects to how our society tends to make us live by morals that aren't ours in order to fit in or not be judged.

The idea that I had to change my appearance and interactions connects to what Faulkner wrote about masculinity and femininity:“Cultural notions of “feminine” and “masculine” behavior are shaped in part by observations about what women and men do. This kind of ‘gender marking’ tends to discourage women or men from entering “gender-inauthentic” occupations.” Gender marking tends to discourage males and females who decide to work a “masc” or “fem” profession because as years go on many young men and women will look as professionals as if they have a gender tied to it so they feel they aren’t good enough or the men / women working in the dominated field will be made fun of. For example if a women wants to work as a construction worker men will doubt she is capable with leading or lifting heavy object only a man can. This makes her very insecure and wanting to leave because she isn't accepted. This connects to the scene of memory because I had to change the way I acted because they would consider me to be feminine and will probably stop hanging with me to then just bully me like they did to Nathan.

There’s always a standard for men and women to meet; there are always going to be roadblocks ahead. These roadblocks are specific to one’s gender, and we feel pressure to succumb to these challenges to our true identities. However, when we change ourselves to match the gender expectations, we lose a part of our true selves.