The Want To Feel Desired

In chapter 17, Offred is sneaking downstairs because of her need to take something to feel noticed, she then encounters Nick who sweeps her off her feet and the two almost do something that cost them their lives.

As I read “I think about the hanged men, hooked on the stairs, before I dissolve entirely.” on page 99, This part resonates with me because the feeling of doing something you know was wrong puts a certain fear in you. Like Offred, I’ve had moments where I was too focused on what I wanted at that moment to see what could’ve happened due to my actions. Over the past few chapters, I’ve noticed that the limitations of this society are mostly based on the Bible and Christianity pushed to the extreme. Ideals are twisted into something that could be manipulated by the higher-ups in Gilead, not allowing women to express who they truly are. I have had moments where I had to hold back certain parts of myself for fear of what others might think or judge me. Moments like Offred where I just wanted to be who I was, ignoring any consequences, wanting the feeling to express ourselves freely.

What connected me to Offred was the quote “It’s so good, to be touched by someone, to be felt so greedily, to feel so greedy. Luke, you’d know, you’d understand. It’s you here, in another body. Bullshit.” On page 99. There have been so many times that justification plagued my mind, especially when I did something I knew I shouldn’t have done. The act of lying to one’s self just to come up with a reason is so real to me, especially since we know how important Luke is to Offred. The father of her child and her husband, Luke occupies her thoughts when she thinks to herself it’s very apparent that she loves him. For her to turn to another man and almost give in to her wants, I think of my mother. The way I’d blatantly disobey her just to fill my own heart, whether that be doing something behind her back, lying to her, or anything else. I knew I could’ve just not done those things but chose to anyway. I always loved her no matter the situation but in those instances, I was focused on how I was feeling at that very moment. Now that I can see her anymore I empathize with Offred because she doesn’t know the state that Luke is in. I feel as if we both took the ones we loved for granted and now have to live with the fact that times have changed and we have to adapt to these changes.

The want for attention makes me think of the quote “I want Luke here so badly. I want to be held and told my name. I want to be valued, in ways that I am not: I want to be more than valued.” Written on page 98, I felt as if this section was about the need to feel needed or wanted, we as humans are social creatures who desire to be with people who will acknowledge us and accept us. I often feel that it is something you want to be known for, but at the same time too embarrassing to say. Offred has been denied any form of affection and reassurance and has been put in a state of loneliness that has been piled up negatively for however long these laws have been made. I have had times where I feel intense loneliness and in those times I’ve felt very desperate to have any kind of connection. I have an amazing support system and it would be a nightmare for them to be taken away from me. In that scenario, I can see why the rules would seem so small in her interaction with Nick. If that fulfillment could be satisfied for even a moment it would all be worth it.

Few people can say they understand what Offred has been through since her situations were pushed to the extreme for the narrative. However, throughout all of her experiences, there is always something we could connect to, Especially when it comes to the interactions with other people and our basic human needs. To be accepted for who we are is all anyone ever wants and it’s that want that could get us into trouble, Humans are easy to take apart if you know what to look for. We all want to feel Desired.