This Title Refers to Itself and, as a Consequence, Accurately Describes this Monologue.

You breathe in.

You breathe out.

You stare at your computer screen for a few seconds. Stunningly, a finished monologue fails to appear. 

You feel apprehensive. You know you have to finish something by tonight. You’ve told your parents time and time again that those projects were already finished; you didn’t have to do anything.

None of it was true. It never is.

The jig is already up. The only thing you’re working for now is to not punt two entire projects in a cloud of early-quarter ennui.

You breathe out.

You breathe in.

(beat)

You’re desperate. You try not to show your panic, but you can feel the goosebumps running down your spine, the familiar chill that overtakes you every time you try to write about yourself.

They said you didn’t have to write about yourself, but you knew better. “All of the best fiction has elements of its writer,” you had thought to yourself. “And besides, my life has so much to write about, and I do so many interesting things. I probably shouldn’t even need to brainstorm!”

You fall into this trap every time. And every time, you are dry of ideas.

And every time, you sit there and think.

And you breathe in.

And you breathe out.

(beat)

Maybe you could write about depression? 

(sigh) You don’t know, the entire topic is so trite and stereotypical; you want your monologue to stand out. You just know they get hundreds of angst-filled rants like that every year; it must sometimes seem as if that’s all that teens can write about.

The voice in the back of your mind speaks. It is the voice that says “This is due in eight hours. You need to do this. You need to get this done.”

It says, “Why not be aware, then?”

You breathe out.

You breathe in.

(beat)

You smile. It’s the smile of a person who knows that they have just narrowly averted a disaster. 

You glance down at the keyboard. For the first time since you started this project, you think you know what you’re doing. Your hands fly over the keyboard as words slowly begin to fill up the page. You don’t need to write a monologue that’s original and self-aware.

(beat)

After all, you’ve already written one.