Best Personal Essay Ever - Two Worlds
Can two worlds combine into one? As a person whose ancestors, descendants, and parents come from another country from the other side of the world, it’s kind of a struggle growing up. Not as a kid really, but it begins when you hit puberty. That age where you need someone, specifically an adult you feel really close to, to talk to about literally everything and anything. Now this can’t be just any adult, it has to be someone that’s understanding of your situation and helpful, not judgemental. Someone who understands your background and where you’re really coming from, who won’t be judgemental. I’m sixteen and right about now, you’d think that I’m writing about how the world judges me for how I dress, or the amount of makeup I do and don’t wear, or the size of my body, or how I do or don’t have a boyfriend, or how I do or don’t always have an attitude towards everything and everyone. You’re wrong, but you’re on the right track.
I am a teenage girl who lives in Philadelphia, America. The rest of my family lives in Myanmar, Asia, except for my parents and the only sibling I have, an older brother. Although the four of us live here in America, I was the only one that was born on this land, on this country, and on this side of the world. We’re all citizens and my parents have been here 20+ years, but are they Americanized yet? Nope. and there are many reasons why they are not, which leads to the many reasons why I live in two worlds.
World number one. This is my Myanmar world, the world where I “originate” from, the world where I’m supposed to follow rules from, the world where I am expected to show pride for, the world where I’m supposed to know how to live in. Welcome to world number one. This world means so much to me personally. It’s a world where I can go to to be hundreds of thousands of miles away from all the things I have to deal with in world number two. It’s a world where I can be with all of my family and eat all the foreign Myanmar food that people from world number two would think is disgusting or smells weird. My grandparents, my cousins, my aunts, and my uncles, they’re all there and it’s harder for all of them to come to America than me going to my world number one, the only world they are all exposed to.
World number two. This is my American world, the world I was born in, the world that all of my friends who I consider family come from, the world where I was educated, raised, and feel comfortable in, but not completely. This world has exposed me to so many possibilities and opportunities. This world has made me who I am today alongside my parents. This world, I can’t give up for anything as much as I dislike it sometimes. It’s a place where I can abide by my own rules and avoid any restrictions compared to world number one, Myanmar. It’s a place where I can show self confidence and not be ashamed in any type of matter.
From when I was 2 years and a few months old, I’ve been traveling to Myanmar once every three summers with my parents and brother. Most of the times we’ve gone there, we’re there for almost the whole summer. Within the two months, all we do is spend time with family, I don’t really have friends in Myanmar even though I’m there so often. We don’t really travel to attractions and touristy places either. My family, especially from my dad’s side, are judgemental about everything because they are super traditional and cultured. From what I wear, to how I act, and to just who I am and have grown to be as a person, they judge. It’s super uncomfortable for me because that makes me feel like I don’t belong and I can’t change who I am to be completely committed to only their world when I am living in another world as well.
Growing up, I did not realize how much it would affect me. I always thought I could live by my parents’ rules without really breaking them as I also adapt to the American world. I was wrong. At some points, I would feel like I need to choose, but it’s impossible for me to be choosing which world I want to be fully a part of. Both worlds are too important for me to let go. I also don’t know how to make the two worlds collide in a way that would work for me and allow me to be happy and express who I am comfortably, meaning that the people who I love and care for from both worlds accept who I am.
At a point in my life, I began to think about how I could change myself in the two worlds as I grew older. The issue of judgement never came up until the last time I traveled to Myanmar. The amount of freedom and self confidence I’ve gained from living America and the people I surround myself with just went away as soon as I entered Myanmar. I had to change myself to be a new person. My view of both worlds were changing and the view of the worlds were changing in me. The fact that my two worlds were exposing me to two different rules and restrictions because of the difference in culture and tradition, my relationship with both worlds has become more complicated. It’s almost like I’m my own species from a combination of the two worlds because I don’t belong in either.
The main character of the Yellow Birds, Bartle, went through a phase in the book where he didn’t feel like he belonged. After coming back home from his first time being deployed to Iraq, he didn’t want to call his original home a “home” anymore. He explained how it didn’t feel right because that’s not how life is for him anymore. The people from his “home” also did not feel what he did nor knew who he was anymore because of what he’s been through. He did not feel like he belonged there. Just like how I originated from Myanmar because of my ancestors, descendants, and parents, I’m supposed to call that my home, I’m supposed to feel like I can go there and be who I am and feel safe and comfortable, not judged. But I don’t. It happens again when I can’t call America my home either. I can’t fully commit to the culture of the American way of life because of how I was raised and who I am today. I’m stuck in a portal between two worlds where I can’t give up or give in to either of them.
Who are you? What are you doing with your life? What’s the point if no one understands you? Where do I belong? Is there even a place where you belong? And in all honesty, I am a girl, a teenage girl, who is living in two worlds and plays two characters. Yes characters, not a person. I don’t know who I am as a person and I don’t know how to find the reason to explain why I don’t know. My life? I’m living. I wake up every morning and thank God for letting me live another day. I try to live up to my parents’ expectations so that I can put an everlasting smile on their hard-working faces. While doing so, I make the most out of my life to be happy and do what I love. The point of doing something even when no one understands you is how you’re not wasting a life given specifically for you to live. To this day I don’t know where I belong or if there even is a place, thing, or whatever where I’m supposed to belong, but I’ve learned that I don’t need to belong to live my life and to love it to any extent.
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