Okay, negative stuff out of the way quickly. The whole simulation ending was a total cop-out, and I genuinely felt really disappointed in it because this story had so much potential, and the whole plan set up in the first chapter was never even explained. There were a variety of noticeable grammar and spelling errors, not to mention a good bit of
.
.
.
.
.
…yeah, that. Honestly, that stuff was just… jarring to read, and although I did notice this technique I will admit I did not like it very much at all.
Now though, for what I actually want to talk about. The good parts. This is an amazing premise, I have to say! The writing was superb in some areas, and the dialogue during the first and fourth segments was done very, very well! The descriptive language is also worth commending, especially in the second segment. The story didn't really have me captivated throughout so I wasn't on much of an emotional ride, but i'd be foolish to dismiss the parts that did make me quite nervous. The messages here are very clear in premise, though lacking in plot execution, but it was expressed very well through the setting. I'm very intrigued by the world you're working with here, and having boats be where the action takes place is undeniably unique.
One technique that I saw in your story is that I can really tell how the characters feel emotionally when speaking, whether confused, sad, happy, angry, it makes it easy to tell and understand. I also really like this story because it reminds me of this TV show called "The Rain", one thing that it shows about human nature is that not everything is what it's depicted to be, and that not everything is sunshine and rainbows.
Comments (2)
Log in to post a comment.