Women's Unspoken Rules

Dinajda Dollani

Ms. Pahomov

College English

October 13, 2023

The unspoken rules between women are a concept often seen in The Handmaid’s Tale, but also in our current society. Offred remembered “the rules, rules that were never spelled out but that every woman knew: Don’t open the door to a stranger, even if he says he is the police. Make him slide his ID under the door. Don’t stop on the road to help a motorist pretending to be in trouble. Keep the locks on and keep going. If anyone whistles, don’t turn to look. Don’t go into a laundromat, by yourself, at night.”(24) In our society, women are always wary of men; carefully choosing what they wear, being aware of their surroundings constantly, and watching the way they stand or look at someone. It’s a well-known rule that women shouldn’t be out at night and always have to be accompanied by someone to go anywhere. All these rules amount to the same concept; don’t stand out and blend in with the world as if you’re just air itself. These rules are widely known but no one ever says them out loud because they are considered common sense. They are rules that are learned by women when they’re young. Many grow up being aware of their surroundings and careful of the people around them. Often women listen and watch all around them, taking in stories and experiences, and using them to establish the rules. It’s like finding pieces of a puzzle. All women share these rules, and though they are never spoken, they are all agreed upon. These unspoken rules are created in each woman’s mind in order to keep them safe. These rules are a tactic of survival, deployed by women in their daily lives to stay safe.

The Aunts in The Handmaid’s Tale use these prior worries over safety as a way to brainwash women to follow this new society. The safety concern was one way the Aunts convinced women that they should be happy with their new life in Gilead. In a way, many of those unspoken rules don’t apply anymore because of the new world. Although, this does not mean women are in a position where they don’t still need unspoken rules. In the book, it’s stated, “‘No,’ the woman says. I don’t know this woman, she wasn’t at the Center with me, though I’ve seen her, shopping. ‘But I’ll watch out for you.’ “(124) Even though the Handmaids don’t know each other, they know to quietly ask for information and keep in mind what the others wanted to know in case they can help. The Handmaids are united through common interactions and knowledge. The new situation they’re living through requires women to create new unspoken rules. This helps them survive once again, though the danger is now less physical and more mental. They use these new rules to be able to get through these new circumstances, relying on each other as much as before.

The Handmaids are able to communicate with each other and reveal their true intentions which others would not be able to grasp quite as easily. “‘I’d like to pass by the church,’ says Ofglen, as if piously. ‘All right,’ I say, though I know as well as she does what she’s really after.”(30) The Handmaids have to complete their duties in pairs so they can tell on the other if they try to rebel in any way. Offred knows that Ofglen does not actually care about the church, meaning she could easily say something to get her in trouble but she doesn’t. Instead, she acts like she’s unaware of her intention and goes along with her, giving Ofglen a chance to do something she wants. Offred understands Ofglen and decides to help her. This is another unspoken rule among women; being able to talk to each other without talking. Women decide to go out of their way to help each other, supporting one another silently, though the support is always recognized by the other. Women do this because they understand each other on a level that others can’t. “She hesitates, as if to say something more, but then she turns away and walks down the street. I watch her, She’s like my own reflection, in a mirror from which I am moving away.”(45) Offred recognizes Ofglen as a reflection of herself, seeing how similar they are even without much knowledge on each other. Many women see each other in this way. To help out another woman is to help out yourself. You understand them how you wish you were understood. You support them silently, just like you wish to be supported silently. We make these rules and we don’t speak them, for they can be understood without words.