A Misfortunate Love Story


Comments (5)

Tigidankay Saccoh (Student 2018)
Tigidankay Saccoh

Your story was very enjoyable to read. I think you did a fantastic ob developing your main character. You included a lot of details about the setting, which made it easy for me to envision the futuristic world in which it takes place in. I think you did a good job balancing the science-fiction aspects with the story telling aspects. It was an interesting, relatable story to follow, with a cool twist.

Athalia Tan (Student 2018)
Athalia Tan

I like that you tell the readers about the emotions that the character was experiencing. As I read your story, I just wanted to keep going. It was an interesting story that I wish you can get to finish. I think that the science fiction worked because the war took something that everyone right now need/want. I think that a world without love would be an interesting place to be in.

Kawthar Hasan (Student 2018)
Kawthar Hasan

I liked how you wrote this in first person and how you allowed the readers to know that love doesn't exist in Cleo's life. I also liked the dialogue that was being used with Cleo and Jax. The only thing I was confused about was you not including why did the war occur? Otherwise I really like your story you did a good job.

Lotus Shareef-Trudeau (Student 2018)
Lotus Shareef-Trudeau

I think you did a really good of writing in first person. I can see very obviously that the fact that love doesn't exist in her life affects the character's voice. In the beginning she does not have overly emotional vocabulary, she says guardian instead of mom or dad, she says "the weather was comfortable for her liking" which, if someone said now would sound like an awkward and uncomfortable turn of phrase, but it works so well with your character. And the story goes on though, you can see how that changes, I think that attention to detail made your story really worth while. I think that this story emphasizes and made me think about how much humans feel the need to connect with others. When Cleo was feeling afraid and unsure, she needed someone to latch onto and share that experience with. She wanted this so badly that she convinced herself Jax felt the same way as she did. Really good job Ella!!!

Sopheary Sok (Student 2018)
Sopheary Sok

I like that you described a lot of the scenery. As for the science fiction part, I get that it's in a futuristic world after a big war, but I didn't really see any new technology. It makes me think about how the protagonist's feelings are completely normal for a young girl, but she is treated badly for expressing her emotions by society. Though we may think our society is far more accepting, people are judged every day for some aspect of themselves that others find weird, but it's important to be accepting.