Advanced Essay #1: Not A Forever Thing



In this essay I wanted it to somewhat be a new introduction for the type of writing that I want to be able to do in 11th grade.  I wanted to get out of my old writing habits and make it my goal to try something new this year. I think that I did a pretty good job in my first few paragraphs. I got my points across and used different descriptive techniques. Yet, I feel like I could’ve possibly carried that technique throughout the body of my paper more.



I don't want to write like this forever


   The ideas run through my head constantly, but I don't  know where to go from there. I can get a few sentences here and there and try to put them together but 50 percent of the time it's not simple for me.


   Sometimes it seems as if I have all the ideas in the world and can find a topic to write about in a heartbeat. Other times I feel as though my brain is like a math scatter plot. One point is way up in the positives and the other is low down in the negatives. While looking at all of my points on the scatter plot, I begin searching around trying to find a way for them to connect.


   I feel like when I have nothing to write about and my brain seems empty, I always resort back to a certain topic. I find myself not knowing and deciding to write about my Grandma. Specifically her death. I don't want to be that "writer" who only writes about the most sad and depressing moments that they've experienced.  I want to show that  I've experienced more than that. I don't want all of my writing to be about times that I've dealt with loss. There has been infinit of times when I've had the exact opposite of a loss and have gained and found like no other. Yet it feels like those bad times stay with you day in and day out. I seem to remember a loss 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year.


   Yesterday's writing assignment felt like one of those days for me. I wrote a journal entry style excerpt. As much as I wanted to pick the most fun or the funniest memory possible, I couldn’t gather myself to do it. Instead the entry said,



   “They say April showers bring May flowers and I am more than ready for these flowers to bloom. I’m tired of the rain. I’m tired of the dreariness. I’m tired of the gloomy days. Can this last day of showers be over already. Tomorrow is the first day of May I hope for the sun to shine and the birds to chirp like all of the cliche things that you hear about in the stories. But I know it won’t be that simple. Today’s my last day here at my grandma's house before the new owner comes to pick up the keys later tonight. After 15 years of spending most of my days here and it being the family house for the last 40 years I’m distraught. It’s all going to be over. Everything is moved out ready for the new owners to move in. Yesterday we took the final pieces out of the house and all I remembered was my mom putting my grandma's silver antique tea set into the trunk of her car.


   The memories began to pour in. Always wanting to use it and have a tea party with my grandma. Wondering why it didn’t sing or dance like the tea set from Beauty & The Beast. Or even the times when I use to sneak and open the china closet door to pretend to pour tea but finding money hidden in the tea pot.


   Those memories led me to even more memories of when I didn’t mind the April showers. The memories that all took place before July 17, 2011. Before my grandma passed away. Back when when everything was ok. When everyday was a good day. Oh how much I pray for those days again to bloom like the flowers in May”.   


I don't want to write like this forever


   I was explaining a time when I felt sad, vulnerable, and confused. It was like a trip down memory lane. A time when change wasn’t something that I wanted to get used to. Everything that I became accustomed to was suddenly turning into the opposite. I believe that change is good, but when it hits you full speed while you're not paying attention, it become hard to adjust.



 But I want to grow as a writer and find a way to write like I haven't before. I want to dig deep into my memories and pick out the old fun ones that I can't help but smile about when I think of them. The memories that aren't so clear and I have to get the rest of the details from my friends and family. The memories that are so positive and will eventually surpass all the ones that involve any type of loss.


I don't want to write like this forever


  Maybe this is one of those moments. The writing assignments are being thrown at me left and right and that proves that it’s time for me to progress as a writer. With each essay I want to strive and create new ideas. Although all authors occasionally have trouble brainstorming ideas, no one wants to be a redundant writer. I want to take time out to think of the most unique things possible I don't want to be the writer who struggles with getting in touch with their writing and finding ways to be good at it. I want my writing to be able to flow out of me and onto my paper. I want my papers to be full of alliteration and the reader to not be able to hold back their anticipation of reading the rest. I want my writing to sound like lovely music to a trained ear.



    I'd like my writing to be great for me. I want to show myself that I've improved over the years. I'd like to prove to myself that poems are more than rhyming words and that my analytical essays are more than online facts. Not only do I want my writing to be remembered by others, but for me to love and remember it too.

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