Advanced Essay #3: One Man, One Path

I grew up living in a different lifestyle than most Americans. I remember waking up asking myself ,“Why am I so  different from all of my friends?” What I should be asking is, “Why am I different from the people who share the same culture as me?” My culture dictates that the ideal man gets a job and becomes successful, wants to start a family, raise a son, and teach him to be strong and courageous to pass down the family name. I, however, orbit the idea of the social norm in our tradition culture of being Asian, not being completely part of the Teochew (chinese) culture yet I haven’t left it. Both of my parents tried to raise me to be the best at math and science so that I could go to college and become a professional doctor. As I grew older, I realized that being a doctor never interested me. Being a doctor was just an option, but making movies was something that has been in my mind as something I would want to do as a career for a very long time. As time thickened the air of maturity, I consulted myself and began to wonder what my parents’ opinion would be about my career goal of becoming a filmmaker.

I’ve lived the life of being an Asian American, who was raised by a pair of Chinese Cambodian immigrant parents. The American culture was never embraced with my parents and they haven’t adjusted to the norms of what the typical American would do in the United States. As a family, we have always strictly followed our multiculture of being both Chinese and Cambodian. From food to language to family roots, gender roles were never a conflict for my parents because of where they are from. It was as if they already knew what their responsibilities were and what they wanted to do in their future. My mother was raised to stay in a home to cook and clean, and my father was raised to survive hard times through many jobs and small businesses just to make an effort of living. Once they came to America to escape the war that was happening in Cambodia and Thailand, they thought about the possible “freedom” they could have in a new country. After having three children once moving here, they realize how my siblings and I grew up with are different than what they have experienced in their country. They keep telling us, “You don’t know how lucky you are to be born in America with more freedom. You don’t have to do what was expected to for you do back in our country.” They claimed, “You didn’t have to wake up four in the morning to work day and night and come back home to cook and clean the house.” My father would then sometimes tell my sister to sweep around the house and he would tell me to go unload and load the restaurant stocks with him. This is when I realized that the gender roles are becoming a mental concept and what acceptance is for a typical Asian family. I have to learn to accept both options myself as a responsibility. Masculinity hides what I want to do in the future without being judged by others and especially my parents.

What I wanted to be was a professional filmmaker. Directing a film and working with cameras was a dream of mine since childhood. Ever since my parents allowed me to watch horror movies as a child, they told me that it couldn’t be real because the camera man would have been killed the minute the movie started. It brought a question to my attention: “What if I could make movies like that and understand how people make movies.” Unfortunately my parents disagreed to my thought process. They said, “Making movies is a waste of time and it’s not as fun as being a doctor. You get to study for money. Once you become a doctor, you can help people. That helps your good karma and you don’t have to struggle with losing anything.” The words stabbed me like a burning hot knife gutting my heart out.  As their son, they want me to be better than who they were. As the oldest of the siblings, my parents only supported me to be highly skilled at math and science, training me to do multiplication when I turned four. My mom thought it would help if I learned the multiplication table of two in Cambodian as well. They set the expectation so high, but after reaching the seventeenth year of my life I feel as if I was the one who is backstabbing my parents of their hard work raising me for something they didn’t expect. Filmmaking to them seemed unmanly and non-educational in a traditional Asian family.

For generations, my family has been very traditional with gender roles and how masculine a son could be. America is still changing the norm of having a diverse culture and gender is becoming a loose idea of how we consider our identity to be. From New York Times, The Boys Are Not All Right, the author stated, “It’s funny because it shouldn’t be that easy to rob a man of his masculinity, but it is.”(1). When describing what masculinity looks like around different cultures, Asian men are very vulnerable of how masculine they are. Whether it is a situation of life and death or something smaller, we accept the fact that we can be light hearted in the inside. Most men won’t show how they feel as if there was a secret male language that could not be spoken. In The Boys Are Not All Right by New York Times, the author mentioned, “They are trapped, and they don’t even have the language to talk about how they feel about being trapped, because the language that exists to discuss the full range of the human emotion is still viewed as sensitive and feminine.”(2). Not showing any sign of being feminine, males consider themselves not vulnerable or sensitivity. Cooking and cleaning in a household would be considered feminine and ladylike, but in my case I cook and clean as a practice to when I leave for college. From Coming Home Again by Chang-Rae Lee, Lee wrote, “She shooed me away in the beginning, telling me that the kitchen wasn’t my place…” I find the skills of cooking to be essential to my everyday life, rather than focusing on how masculine I needed to be in order for myself to be accepted in certain societies. Sometimes masculinity is viewed as “life or death” for mankind, especially when I have two different cultures to fit into. I feel as if I live in two different lives, one at home being some of the Asian expectations, and one socially in the American society where people are more accustomed to the American Culture.

What is considered the most valued aspects of being Asian is that we surround ourselves with our culture and our “identity”. Also being a American citizen, I have to consider the cost of what is accepted of the American society and what is accepted within the traditional Asian family. Playing two different people is hard enough as it is, and trying to bring one culture into another is a pessimistic goal.  What I want is a lot different from what other people expect, but it isn’t always the case where two diverse cultures can go hand in hand with each other. However, I can live two lives but the only assumption I have is that I have to expect the unexpected. I will expect disappointment from certain people, and others will expect disapproval.

Work Cited

Black, Michael Ian. “The Boys Are Not All Right.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 21 Feb. 2018, www.nytimes.com/2018/02/21/opinion/boys-violence-shootings-guns.html.