Advanced Essay #3 (Identity and Child Abuse)

​My message for this essay is how negatively impacting a child's life at a young age can impact the development of the identity later on. identity can take time to form, sometimes even someone's whole life. When someone at a young age gets a negative vibe from someone, they will continue it on to someone else as they get older. People will see them as bad people. Someone will be able to develop their true self around a positive environment. I want people to make a change for children's lives based off of the fact that it can impact their lives and their identity.  

Hayley Barci

1-10-17

Child Abuse

The identities of children need to be developed over their experiences, The people around them can impact them as well as what they learn from them. However if their experiences were negative and put against them, it can impact how they create the self that fits who they are as people.

My father was, and still can be abusive towards me, however however I was thirteen and my parents were about to go to court, and I was a little concerned on how my father was treating me. He would threaten me, curse at me, and he would yell continuously. I then searched verbal abuse, I fit within almost all of the symptoms. I’ve never felt such fear as when I’m around my father. It’s really a cycle, my father was physically abused when he was a child, he would get hit with a belt, get hard shoes thrown at him. Somehow, that continued on to me, my theory was because he didn’t know how to cope with his past, what he has to deal with, so therefore, he takes it out on me. There are children all around the world suffer from child abuse, and people need to be more aware and stand up for what's right. We don’t want the cycle of abuse to continue throughout people’s families, we want children to peacefully be able to see the world through a positive lens. However, even throughout my experiences, I’m still trying to figure out who I am as a person. One’s identity should be cherished, not abused.

Identity is built upon experiences, environments, and the people you are surrounded by, all of these examples contribute to developing your true self. However, sometimes these things can become somewhat of a disaster to an identity. One’s self is also developed based upon experiences, and learning new things in our lives. Edward P. Jones wrote a story about a little girl on the first day of school, he quoted,”Mama, I can’t go to school?” The little girl stood still in shock as the woman her mother speaks to says that she cannot apply to the school she wanted to go to. Children are at a young age where they never really learned that much about who they are, their capabilities, and their true self.

As it was said earlier, identity takes time to fully develope, sometimes maybe even most of someone’s life. Thandie Newton once said during a TED Talk,” we are not born with a self, an identity.” She realized that we as people don’t know who we are the day we are born. It takes experiences and learning to develop a sense of who you are, and your identity. She also explains her own experiences to find her own identity. Your experience while finding your identity can be different from the person you're sitting next to. No one’s identity is the same, no one’s learning and processes are the same.    

I was inpatient in Fairmount hospital  multiple times, and many of the girls I was with shared their stories about their parents/guardians abusing them. But there was one story in particular that caught my eye. It was the beginning of the summer of 2016, and I was just one day from leaving inpatient. I shared a room with this one girl. She seemed to be calm enough to talk to her.  We began talking and we ended up speaking about our abuse stories. She then began talking about her mother, her father was never in her life, and because of the abuse she suffers from trauma. She would have several different outbursts, and because it put other lives at risk, she would have to be strapped onto a bed overnight or until she calmed down.

I began to get to know her a little more about her mother and what she did to her. Her mother would hurt them by punching and kicking her and her siblings. Her mother also barely gave them food, but when she did, her mother would make her and her siblings eat it off the floor. As she spoke these words flowing out of her mouth, I could see the sorrow within her voice. This is one of many experiences of child abuse.

These are a couple different stories of kids/teenagers who are or were suffering from child abuse. These stories connect to a matter of their identity and how it impact their lives. Each child was impacted in a different way, they don't each have the same reaction to other people’s actions. When it comes to one’s self, it can depend on the person and their experiences.

“Backing me into the corner until I was whimpering and crying, he would just walk away, satisfied with my distress,” This was a quote from a girl named Fiona, who decided to tell her story. She explained her idea of abuse by also demonstrating  her own experiences Her story was mainly about the verbal abuse she and her mother had to suffer from her step-father. She wanted the message to be known that abuse is no right in any way, shape, or form. Her purpose was to also encourage other children to stand up and speak, so that there can be positive changes before it impacts their life permanently. Just because it’s emotional or verbal, and it’s not physical doesn’t mean that it’s not abuse. Sometimes verbal/emotional abuse can have more longer term effects than physical abuse, however that depended upon the child.    

“We reported my dad to the police but there wasn’t enough evidence to convict him.” This story was spoken from a teenager named Tia, she suffered from sexual abuse provoked by her biological father who had just gotten released from jail. He would touch her in inappropriate places where he shouldn’t be. When she finally had the courage to tell her mother, they pressed charges against her father. However due to “the lack of evidence”, he got away with doing what he did to his own daughter. There are several different forms of abuse. However, they need to make sure that the abuser doesn’t treat other children the same way. The kids who were already suffering from the causes of abuse, need justice, they need some form of relief that the abuser will not strike upon other kids.  

There are several different effects of child abuse, like for example,” The most serious cases of abuse can end in death”.  Like it was said earlier, it’s depended upon the child and how they react to the actions of people surrounding them. People need to realize, that standing up for a child, can save their life, their sanity, even their identity. If children are treated poorly, they will react poorly to his/her actions. As they try to grow their ‘self’, they will struggle, they could turn to drugs, or even suicide. So therefore, identity is something that doesn’t happen in one day, it happens with time and patience. The developing of one's self, times time, and sometimes even most of someone’s life. When a child is getting abused, they will not be able to fit to the self that fits who they are and their personality.

You can make a change in many children's lives. One of the first steps to helping a child is that you can recognize the symptoms within their behavior. You can look up the symptoms on many websites like Nemours Kidshealth, can explain what child abuse is, different forms of it, and the symptoms as well. You can call for help to hospitals, police, and other emergency contacts. Another way you can change a child's life is when you speak up, and encourage them, and teach them what’s right and what’s wrong with how they are being treated. Patience is another way to help a child gain their strength and even their true identity back. Taking time with the child, take things one step at a time and help him/her cope with what they have to deal with. Identity is truly important in a child, don’t let them suffer because of someone else’s actions.    


Sources:
http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/child-abuse.html
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/fighting-for-childhood/childrens-stories-about-abuse/
Embracing Otherness, Embracing Myself- Thandie Newton TED Talk

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