Canavan-Nickell Caesar

Canavan

It’s a boy! I’m gonna be the best dad ever, I love children, I and my girlfriend have been trying to have a kid for three years now. This is the closest we’ve ever gotten. After all the failed attempts and pregnancy tests, it’s finally going to happen. My life wasn’t always as happy and cheerful though,  I grew up in Philadelphia to a single mother who had three kids that she busted her ass every day to support, we didn’t get to go to DisneyWorld or get to go to school with the new Jordans and Nikes, but we got through. My father’s absence forced me to be the man of the house. Even though my mom owned everything, someone had to make sure she was taken care of since obviously that deadbeat you call a father wasn’t capable enough to step up and be a real man.

I’m going to be a dad now, and I swear to God, I won’t ever be like my father. I got through college without him, learned how to drive without him, went to prom without him, got my first job without him, I did all of this without him, and I’ll surely get through this pregnancy without him.My child will never worry about when his father will come back or if they will go to bed hungry, or if it was their fault for me walking out.

Everything was starting to look up for me until I get the news that shook up my entire world. Our unborn child was going to be born with Canavan Disease, but how? I feel so helpless and weak, I should be able to protect my child and I can’t even do that! Canavan, It’s an extremely rare disease, that damages the ability of nerve cells in the brain to send and receive messages. As far as I know, nobody in either of our family’s has a history of this disease. The doctor says that he is expected to live only through his childhood. All the things that I was supposed to accomplish with my child, won’t be happening. He won’t even have a chance to go prom, shave, or date a girl, he’s getting cheated out of all of these things. I know for a fact that all the school kids won’t go easy on him either, kids are extremely cruel, and he’ll be ridiculed, I don’t know how either of us will be able to take it. I don’t know what to do, my world feels like it’s collapsing and there’s no way to stop the inevitable destruction, I can only watch.

But maybe this whole predicament isn’t the end of the world, God does everything for a reason, so there must be a reason for this happening. It’s been my dream to have a child of my own and start my family, and now that I’m getting the chance I’m having doubts? Seriously? I’m finally going to be able to have a child, I’m not gonna give up on this child just because of some disability, I’m not like my dad was and never will be. I’ll make all the short years with my child the best he’s ever had. Some tasks and activities might take more effort and time, but it’ll be worth it in the end. I love my unborn child unconditionally and always will. I hope that he knows daddy will never walk out or give up on him, I hope that he knows I’ll be there through all my hardships and never put my stress on top of his. Thanks, Dad, for nothing. I’ll always do everything in my power not to be like you.