The way you framed your story was incredibly interesting; so the layout alone was compelling. I specifically enjoyed reading your fight scene. Overall, your story was very well written and I enjoyed it a lot.
This is a very good read. It already compelled me from the beginning because it seemed like Lily was the perfect girl until the downside to her was that she needed to store her memories in order to retain them. It seemed after every time she stored her memories, it was sort of a chore, but whatever she was experiencing in them kept pulling me to read more. Every entry was filled with suspense.
I loved how you formatted your story by memories. You created another place to step into and the story itself was very interesting! Reading through memories was a good addition to the sci fi. I like how you had a chip for it too. Well done.
This story was so enjoyable to read. You did a really great job at creating characters. Lily Addison from the start was what reels readers in and makes them wonder more about what life might be like in their condition.
My favorite quote by far is this one when you were describing Lily:
"It’s been this way since she was young enough to still go on playdates and old enough to hold a gun and pull the trigger."
Another thing that really worked well was when there was a fight, the description of what happened were just very well made and punctual.
Here is the example for this:
"I whipped my knife out of my thigh holster and dragged the cold metal across the first guys trachea. Then I grabbed a fist full of hair from another and mashed his head into my coffee table until I heard a satisfying crack. I took out my Beretta Px4 and twisted on the silencer to take down the last guy. He ran for me but my bullet came to him and laid him down on his back leaving him panting for oxygen which he will never have the chance to inhale again."
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