Good Cop, Bad Son

“Hey doctor, I need someone to talk to. Is it okay if I sit here?” I walked over to the couch and laid down.

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My mom told me, if I ever get arrested or go to jail, she wouldn’t bail me out or assist in my early release.” I don’t understand how someone could do that to their own child, let them suffer and rot in jail. Their lives would be ruined and they wouldn’t have anything to look forward to when they get out.

My mom is an officer for the Philadelphia Police Department. Every day we leave the house we say prayers to keep everyone safe, but a prayer isn't good enough for me. They say that it’s God will if someone dies, but what stops it from being our time just because we say something so simple. Being an officer is a dangerous job. Especially with black lives matter and people shooting whoever they feel like it. How could you go out and try to do justice for other people when you have children at home, it's just selfish, and if you die helping others, would there ever be any real justice? You can’t leave your family behind because you decide to go do good.

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I release my stress with drugs and alcohol. Being underage doesn’t mean anything, as long as I get that amazing feeling that makes me forget everything. Stealing, robbing, and killing gives me a rush. Violence, sex, and drugs, they’re the only things that keeps me going. But now that I have someone to talk to, I might not need it anymore.

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I sat down on the new couch mom just bought and reached over to the remote. The first thing that was on the tv was about a shooting in Germantown. I thought about how crazy it was that there are so many shootings in this city. Then it finally hit me. My mom worked at the 14th district and that’s in Germantown. My heart started pounding rapidly like it was trying to come out of my chest. The thoughts and emotions that were going through my head were too much. Tears started to flow out of my eyes instead of words coming from my mouth. I was ready to kill someone, anyone if they had hurt my mom.

I remember rushing over to my neighbor's car and drove off with it. Once I got to the area, I parked it a few blocks away so that no one could find it. When I saw her being brought to an ambulance truck, my life flashed before my eyes or maybe it was just the edibles finally starting to take an effect. I started getting dizzy and fell onto the ground. When I woke up, I was in the hospital sitting next to the bed that my mother was laying in. I was examing myself, making sure that no one tried to run any test on me, but I felt like I was searching for something else too and didn’t know what it was. I looked up at my mom and saw her laying there as if she was lifeless and she was.

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“Doctor, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I have siblings that need to be taken care of, and I’m only sixteen. What will do? She’s the only one that truly knew us and knew how to care for us. Whew. It’s okay if you don’t have an answer right now. I just came to vent.”