Is Who Someone Marries their Parent’s Choice?
Is Who Someone Marries their Parent’s Choice?
Comparing “Taming the Shrew” to “Monster in Law”
Shakespeare's play “Taming of the Shrew” shows that parents have played a major role in the arrangements of their children's marriages for hundreds of years. In “Taming of the Shrew,” Baptista takes control of the courtship between his two daughters and men, and considers it a responsibility to find each a husband who is a good match for them. In the 2005 movie “Monster in Law,” a parent feels a similar responsibility over their child’s wedding, except in the movie, it is the mother, Viola, who wishes to break an engagement between her son and a woman she sees as an unfit match.
While Baptista and Viola both share the desire to make sure their children marry good people for them, the level of control they have varies. Baptista is able to choose which men his daughters can even meet, and completely manipulate the match from meeting, to engagement, to wedding. Meanwhile, Viola does not even find out about her son’s fiancee, Charlie, until the same day her son, Kevin, proposes. Baptista takes action before his daughters are engaged while Viola is not able to influence her son’s decision until after the proposal. These two texts reflect that while parents no longer believe that they have control over who their children meet, propose to, and marry, they still consider it their responsibility to ensure their children make what they believe to be good matches.
“That like a father you will deal with him and pass my daughter a sufficient dower, the match is made, and all is done. Your son shall have my daughter with consent.”
(Act 4, Scene 4, lines 45-48)
Here, Baptista is discussing a marriage contract with a merchant pretending to be the father of a man pretending to be Lucentio. Lucentio wishes to marry Baptista’s younger daughter, Bianca. Baptista is willing to allow the marriage because he believes the dowry this (supposed) father and son can offer to his daughter will make the other man’s son a good match for Baptista’s daughter. Baptista would not knowingly allow his daughter to be betrothed without making a good deal on a dowry. Notice that Baptista says this in a way that implies it is the other father’s responsibility to provide his son with a “sufficient dower” in order to marry.
Viola also sees economic reasons as a critical factor in whether Charlie is a good match for her son Kevin, but Charlie and Kevin are already engaged.
In this scene from “Monster in Law,” Viola complains about Charlie to Viola’s friend Ruby. Viola states, “My son the brilliant surgeon is gonna marry a temp.” Then, after some screaming and going to upstairs to lie down, Viola complains, “She is going to destroy him. It is so clear. She’s got no money, no career goals. She was just waiting for a rich innocent to step right into her path.” Viola does not see Charlie as a good match for Kevin because while he makes a significant amount of money from a successful job, Charlie is at a lower class part time job. Viola even assumes Charlie is partly marrying Kevin because he is wealthier than Charlie.
In order for Kevin to have become a surgeon, Viola must allow Kevin to live independently. Kevin would not have been able to study to be a surgeon and then work at a hospital without being able to make large choices without his mother. This is very different from the lifestyle of Baptista’s daughters, who cannot travel somewhere or meet with people without their father knowing, even though they are adults. By giving adult children the freedom to leave home and have careers, parents have given up the right to control who their children meet like in the times of Shakespeare. This allowed Kevin to meet and date Charlie without his mother knowing or approving. However, parents such as Viola still consider it as a part of parenting to make sure their children make good long term choices in life, such as picking an appropriate person to marry. This belief causes Viola to interfere with the wedding, but not ban the marriage altogether.
“Your father hath consented that you shall be my wife, your dowry ‘greed on, and will you, nill you, I will marry you.”
(Act 2, Scene 1, lines 284-286)
In this quote, Petruchio is speaking to Baptista’s daughter, Katherine, after making a deal with her father that Petruchio can marry Katherine if he has her love, and negotiating a dowry. Petruchio fakes the love, but honors the rest of the deal with Baptista before marrying Katherine. Petruchio is so confident on the deal he made with Baptista that he tells Katherine he will marry her whether she likes it or not. This eliminates Katherine from making decisions over her own marriage.
Similarly, Charlie makes a deal with Viola before the wedding, but not over a dowry.
Charlie is about to call off the wedding when Viola convinces Charlie to speak to her alone. Viola tells Charlie, “Don’t blow your chance for happiness. You’ve never needed my approval. He’s loved you from the very beginning. And I promise I will get out of the way and let the two of you be happy."
“That’s not what I want. I mean, there just has to be some boundaries, Viola,” Charlie replies.
“I can do boundaries! I don’t love boundaries but I can do them,” Viola says,
“How about the number of times you call Kevin a day? Can we limit that, to, like, one,” Charlie asks.
“Oh, I need at least four minimum,” Viola counters.
“He’s 35 years old.”
“Three.”
“Two.”
“Deal,” Viola settles.
In this deal, the genders are switched. Instead of the father negotiating with the groom, the mother negotiates with the bride. Also, Viola is now persuading Charlie to marry Kevin due to Charlie giving up, instead of being a future spouse persuading a parent. The deal is over how much Viola will influence Charlie and Kevin’s relationship in the future, instead of a dowry. Viola now accepts Charlie because she realizes Charlie makes Kevin happy. Viola even gives up her right to approve the match in order to make her son happy. Now, it is more about what the children want then what the mother wants.
Since Viola is the person who makes sure the marriage happens in the end, it shows parents still feel responsible for ensuring each of their children have a good marriage. However, happiness now is a bigger factor than economic status when parents consider a match. Katherine is married to an abusive, yet rich husband. Meanwhile, Kevin marries Charlie in order to have a joyful love, even if Charlie is not as wealthy as him. While Viola did not control as much of the marriage situation as Baptista, the new couple actually wants Viola to be involved in the process. If Charlie’s parents had not died when she was young, they would likely be just as involved in the wedding.
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