Language Autobiography

     Imagine. Imagine a little three year old girl who you’ve known since the first month of her birth. Imagine a young caramel skinned, intelligent and loud little girl. This girl normally has her hair braided with berets in it and only to your kneecap in height. Pretend her name is Allayna, and her mother, Charlene, speaks mostly in African American Vernacular English. This little girl is my cousin and so far, we’ve been taught to speak differently; for I do not speak in African American Vernacular English. I wasn’t raised to speak in any other way except proper English with the exception of slang words used often among friends or around family that use the same slang.

            Her piercing eyes dented a center in my heart made specifically for moments where Allayna is most ignorant- for I can guide her in the right direction. In other words, I can be there like Charlene was for me when I was younger. There was something about the way Allayna could grasp onto the English language that captivated my hope for her future. That is until the day I realized how much she used African American Vernacular English; and being so young, she doesn’t know how to code switch.

            “They is a mess!” Allayna said to me as she impatiently told me her story of her day in preschool.

            “It’s not ‘they is’ Allayna, it’s ‘they are’!”. I yelled furiously at Allayna, hoping that she would catch on after correcting her for the second time. Yet, she was too young to understand the importance of how she delivered her words. I didn’t intend to make my ball of sunshine cry, but without rain, there is no sun. Therefore, this relationship between Allayna and I will be difficult if she cannot understand my language- even though it is basically the same. Language is an emotional, more than verbal, conquest to define relationships. One day maybe, Allayna will learn the significance of learning the importance in code switching if she doesn’t correct the way she speaks. Adrienne Rich said, “This is the oppressor’s language/ yet I need it to talk to you.” Which makes me think- will Allayna learn how to speak the way I do, or will I have to try to work my way around it?

            The use of identifying language as a standard introduces an uncontrollable form of power, weak or strong. The way one speaks can tear off any group of people- not always race. The things of everyday life that have an influence on the way we speak also intrigue the complexities in the way we think. The unavoidable influence of music (other than instrumental or classical music) have an effect on the way people talk. Music is a big factor that could tear Allayna and me apart, for I listen to a variety of music. Most of the music I am exposed to don’t use African American Vernacular English in song writing. The music that Allayna likes does in most cases. That is one more influence on the way she speaks. According to bell hooks, “In contemporary black culture, rap music has become one of the spaces where black vernacular speech is used in a manner that invites dominant mainstream culture to listen- to hear- and to some extent be transformed (298).” This transformation in fact drew a deep line in my family. That very transformation separated my cousins from my sister and I. They don’t listen to any kind of music other than r&b or rap, for they find anything other than that to be “white music”, however I do not agree. I enjoy different genres, which is why my cultural acceptance has transformed deeper than the initial first impression. Differences in music separate my relationships between female cousins, because even though we all did dance when we were younger, they lost the deeper vision that we were once introduced to. The male cousins have accepted different genres as they dig deeper into things such as wrap, for words beats intertwine with each other and the words decorate a blank paper to a colorful canvas with an array of colors, patterns and dimensions.

Listening to rap music and interpreting the grammar and terms as correct can create difficulties such as labels of being  ‘ghetto’ instead of ‘ignorant’ for those who lack the tolerance to correct the college kids of their childish mistakes, for they can correct the younger generations. Extinguish the cycle of ignorance or learn to use the African American Vernacular English as a cultural stepping stone. The reason being is that some people do not understand the ways and reasons why African American Vernacular English remains today. Bell hooks also was also reminded of the interpretation of African American Vernacular English to those who aren’t familiar with it. She says, “When young white kids imitate this speech in ways that suggest it is the speech of those who are dumb, stupid or only interested in entertaining or being funny, and then the subversive power of this speech is undermined (298).” As the ignorance of the uses of African American Vernacular English become a form of something positive, the easier it is to mend bonds broken in cultural differences  and hopefully those cultural differences won’t tear apart another generation of people.

            My words flew around the circle of faces, leaving traces of confusion for my speech was an illusion to the conscience. I saw the hungry crowd devour my words of sorrow for the ignorance that follows,

As a young child

Tamed by the wild

Some people influenced

By the mother tongue

How to tame a wild tongue

Left some tongue tied

For what we think is right

May be wrong on the outside

Streaming shadows in the dark

Guide the lost into the hearts

Find the language that can combine

Two worlds set to part.

            Even my poetry confuses my family that use African American Vernacular English- and it leaves me with a fear that they will never understand me; for all I understand is poetry.