Life Of a Bilinguist

Life of a Bilinguist

“Oh my goodness, how have you been?” said my grandmother’s friend.

“Oh good,” she says to her, “say hello, she is my friend,” she said to me.

“Hello, I’m Jiwon Choi,” I said to her in Korean.

“Oh my, you are so pretty!” she said to me.

“Thank you,” I said to her.

“What grade are you in?”

“I’m in 8th grade.”

“Did you just come from Korea?”

“No, she was born here,” said my grandmother.

“Wow, she is really fluent! I thought she just came here!” she said to my grandmother.

“Thank you,” I said to her.

    Whenever I talk with my parents’ friends or my grandmother’s friends, I get praised on my Korean. They always think I was born in Korea or I just moved to America. Korean was my first language because my family is from Korea and never spoke English too well. My experience is similar to what Richard Rodriguez said in his autobiography. In Hunger of Memory Richard Rodriguez said, “During those years when I was first conscious of hearing, my mother and father addressed me only in Spanish… I knew just enough English for my mother to trust me on errands to stores one block away.” (pg. 13) I grew up with my grandparents because my mother was busy working all the time. My grandparents insisted me speaking Korean at home because they wanted me to know my native language. As a result, I grew up watching the Korean shows that my grandparents would watch, eating the Korean food that I was given, and speaking in Korean at home to communicate with my family. Therefore, I feel more comfortable speaking Korean than speaking English. Rodriguez also wrote, “... Spanish seemed to me the language of home… It became the language of joyful return.” (pg. 16) Korean speech rolls out of my mouth without me even realizing. Sometimes, I would stutter my words or have an “American” accent to it because I don’t practice Korean a lot in the house like I used to before. However, when I speak Korean, I feel like I have power; I feel very confident and satisfied because people are always praising me; I feel as if I could earn all the respect from Korean people. In the other hand, English is still a “fuzzy” language to me.

     The first time I started to learn English was when I was four. In preschool, everyone would speak in a language that I didn’t understand. I wasn’t happy in preschool because I had no one to communicate with. I would stand and look out the window waiting for someone to pick me up. At home, I was the happiest girl you would ever meet. I think that I’m an outgoing person at home, but a timid person in public because English isn’t a language I’m totally comfortable with. Currently, I hear a lot of people tell me that I have an “Asian” accent, or that I don’t pronounce the word correctly. Over all, grammatical errors are a natural when I speak. Every time people tell me these, I would get self-conscious. Being careful when I speak English is a natural.

“Guys, why does Jiwon talk like that?” said my friend.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Every one talks so clearly, but you have this weird accent and… I don’t know what you are saying sometimes. It sounds like you are saying something in Korean.”

“Oh…”

   That was the first time I’ve ever been judged about how I speak. Last year, my friends and I were gathered in the hallway just talking. I made a comment, and my friend wondered why I talk like how I do. It really angered and annoyed me because in my mind, he had no right to say something that mean about the way I speak right in front of me. He had embarrassed me right in front of my friends; I wanted to argue that I can speak English well, that I am like everyone else. However, I know that that’s not true now. I know that I make grammatical errors, pronounce words wrong, and have a weird accent when I speak. I acknowledge all of these because I know that these characteristics exist in me. I also acknowledge this now because I always feel like I’m being ignored by people around me.

    Sometimes, when I speak, I feel like people are slowly drifting away from me. Sometimes, it seems like they don’t care what I’m talking about or how I’m saying it. As a result, I lose power and self-esteem whenever I speak. After I am done talking, many people tend to say that they didn’t understand what I just said, or they just don’t react to what I said at all. That’s why I think power and language are related to each other strongly. For example, someone who is better at articulating is going to sound much smarter than someone does a bad job at it because you are likely to listen to one who can speak well than one who struggles to. People who can speak well are respected because one will sound like one knows a lot when one can articulate well. The people that can articulate well enough will earn all the power and the audience because everyone is likely respect and agree to people who can actually make sense of what they are talking about - an effect of sounding much more scholarly like. Therefore, people who cannot articulate tend to lose power and respect from the audience because they’re not eloquent, like me.

    My language, accent, and pronunciation is my identity. The fact that I am bilingual makes me different from everyone else - having accents for both languages may be more acceptable because I don’t speak only one language. I know that I am not perfect in Korean because I stutter a lot when I do. I also know that I’m not perfect in English either. I will continually feel offended when people judge me by how I speak, but I know where I need to improve on and why I can’t be angry for people judging me on how I speak. However, I now know that how I speak makes me who I am. Also, I know that I cannot just speak Korean just because I am more comfortable with Korean. It is my role to learn to become more confident when I’m speaking in school or anywhere public because I will have to speak English as long as I am in America. People might think of me in a negative way from how I speak, but I cannot be discouraged by that because avoiding people won’t solve any problems. In order to communicate, we need to use our given language. Therefore, I will not back-up now. Another role that I have is to have a unique quality that lets me be different from everyone else; something that only my family and I know about. Rodriguez stated, “I shared with my family a language that was startlingly different from that used in the great city around us.” (pg. 16) My language tells everyone about my family history and my experiences in life; that is what makes me different. I am proud to be a bilinguist.

Work Cited:

   Rodriguez, Richard. "Chapter 1." Hunger of Memory: The Education of Richard Rodriguez : An Autobiography. Boston, MA: D.R. Godine, 1982. 1+. Print.