The moon is rising again and the mutant birds are chirping . (Yawn). The air smells of fresh cow butt and the sky is as green as my new string beans. That’s Venus for you. It is 9 o clock in the morning again and another day I have to go to work. Oh excuse me I forgot to introduce myself. I am Zuruck Chew the IV. I am a single father with 12 kids and blab bla bla. I’m sorry it is the same everyday.
Driving to work can be a real drag. It’s the same as always. Just seeing the same thing everyday makes me ill at ease. Broken houses, parks with no tress, stinky diapers on the floor. You know the usual. But driving to work is not the worse part. The worse part is actually being at work. As a national service guard I do absolutely nothing. I just sit here, look at this virtual box and see if any enemies try to attack us. But it’s so boring. First of all, of living Galactic creatures in the Milkyway, who the hell would be stupid enough to attack us. We have absolutely nothing here to take unless people want recipes on how to make bunny chow. So yeah this job sucks. I mean who the hell wants to sit there and watch a box that does nothing . And I have to watch it with an idiot. And trust me when I say idiot I mean idiot. His name is Ghahu Betch and he says 1 + 1 = 2 . What an idiot. But it’s not that bad sitting next to him. In fact he smells like Strawberries.
So anyway today I had enough. I’m not going to take this anymore. I had finally arrived at the halls of death walked up the endless flight of stairs to my station and sat down and wait. Now Ghahu is talking about how we are dumb and uneducated. I’m pretty sure the one who thinks there are living creatures on earth. Is he an uneducated one. He just kept on blabbing on about something. And that’s when I blew up. That’s when I told him. AGGGHHHH!!!!! “I had enough. I’m not going to do this BLEEP anymore. ” My rage of furry took over my body and I stormed to the bathroom. I sat down on the slimy and relaxing stall and finally I got some peace. As the big brown and wet poop came from my butthole I notice a strange smell. It was like a hint of fruity sensation. Almost like Strawberries. That’s when I realized oh god no. Not strawberries.
“ Hey dude you seemed upset out there”
“ I’m fine Ghahu I was just”
“ It was just that lately you been acting like a douche and that explosion outside….”
“ I’m fine Ghahu”
“ Are you sure?”
“ Yes, now leave me alone shouldn’t you be watching the box”
“ It is a high-tech state of the art mega super Del 7000. It’s not just a box. And we should maneuver our way back pronto before something god-awful happens”
“ First of all me and my butt have a little date with Mr. Toilet right now and second of all who’s going to care? Nothing bad will ever.” Little did I know I would later regret those words.
As soon as I rose from my toilet I heard a boom sound. Almost like an explosion. Then the power on Venus turned off. In the span of 5 minutes, Venus shook, there was an episode of maddening flickering lighting and a lot of screaming. Normally a red-alert like that would make the Venus’ sirens go beep beep beep. But Ghahu and I were still in the bathroom. As soon as we got out we left towards our station when our 4 arm, 7 ft , 500 pound of muscle body building boss was sitting at our station.
“ Now you see what you had done” I said
“ You and moi are in this predicament together.”
“ By all means monsieur, what could possibly be bothering you today?
“ Your smartness can’t get you two out of this one. You two should realized that our world was just attack by earthlings.
“ Um s s-s-sir w-w-what exactly are earthlings?”
“ Obviously people from PLANET EARTH. Now Listen. I”M REALLY ANGRY. BECAUSE OF YOU TWO, the planet of Venus will go into a planet shut down. NO LIFE WILL BE HERE. If you idiots didn’t get our world ends . They stole our life emulator. I need you to go to planet Earth and take our Life emulator back. You have one week or your both FIREED Grrrrrrrr.” As he stomps out of the room Ghahu whispered, “So I guess we have an adventure together partner.” All man.
To make a long story short we jumped on a rocket, took about a 17-hour hyper speed flight and landed on earth. The ride was boring listening to this man talk and talk. short, I’ll resume the story to me and Ghahu landing on planet earth. Once we landed I was in complete shock.
“Dude are we at the right place?”
“If my scientific theories are correct I must conclude that we are indeed on planet earth.”
I guess we were on earth. But the place is so different than from Venus. The sky was blue instead of green. The air was a lot fresh then I could ever dream. But we were on a mission. I could not waste time gawking at this new place We had to find our life emulator.
“Ok so we need to move forward to a place called the DC.”
Luckily there was a nice earthling kind enough to tell us where DC was. But that was really far away. But Ghatu said that on the way here he read somewhere on how to get free rides. He puts one hand out with his thumb sticking up and the other hand is behind his head. If I didn’t know better I would say that he was in a sex position.
Oddly enough this creepy guy came and gave us a free ride to DC. I still feel guilty about not paying him some Galactic money. But he seemed to be in a rush when told him weren’t woman. But he did give us some great information. He said the President is in something called the white house. We went to this big white building with a big pointing thing on top of it. We asked one of the stylish earthlings to let us speak to Mr President. Then we found out that we were in the wrong building. But then we were arrested because Mr. Smarty thought it would be a good idea to tell them we wanted to speak to the President and take something from him.
At this big building that seems like it needed major renovations someone called a judge gave me and Ghahu a 30-year sentence for attempted robbery. But somehow Mr. Smarty found a way to escape. He just took his finger nail and clipped us out of our handcuff. We somehow escaped from earthling prison. We walked for what seemed to be forever or it could have been about 5 minutes . We found another big white house. This one was a bit flatter then the last one but I got that feeling that this could be the house. But Ghahu probably almost saved my life. He seemed to elude several men dressed in black suits, talking in miles and wearing guns . Luckily , we joined a group of people touring the house. So we made our way inside the house and we had found the emulator. So we tried to not walk suspiciously and we made our way back to the ship. Once we took flight we heard explosions. The nice old humans were shooting RPGS at us. That was when Ghatu took us on hyper-speed and we made back to Venus safely. So now Venus is saved, I am taking my job seriously, I had an adventure and now enjoy smelling strawberries