My Soldier

My Soldier

Never let a soldier see you cry

Not even from the eyes of death itself

Not the correlation of deprivation of life itself

Not even through the diagnosis of pain and suffering

Tears and Fears

Never let a soldier see you cry

I can’t say this to you when your conscious

So I whisper it to your subconscious 

“You’re my baby

My sunshine kiss

And if we get through this

I promise I’ll be the daddy you’ve always wanted

I’ll take you to the park and slide down the slide with you

Swing the swings with you

No longer allergic to a smile

I’ll put little bows in your hair and play dress up

Because you know I care

And I’ll watch you sleep and caress your beautiful soft hair

And whisper to you the advice you’ll never forget.”

Never let a soldier see you cry

When you dream of the sweat and blood dripping down your stomach

And fingertips

Because you clawed at your chest

Trying to find the superman sign

You’ve been dying to hide

And when you wake up

You’ll see the superman suit hung up because

He retired form saving the world

Retired from saving my baby girl

Never let a soldier see you cry

When you and your wife have been fighting

Because you’ve lost the meaning of love

Or lost the meaning of life

You can’t tell the difference because they both feel the same

You argue because you can’t fix the unfixable

And change the changed and unchangeable

You argue because you blame yourself for not replacing superman and saving the world

Saving your baby girl

You argue because you

Never let a soldier see you cry

Not even when you’re in the hospital

Waiting and listening to the beep beeps

And the heavy breathing of your baby girl

And you watch the shedding of her hair

And you let the time past

By counting the number of each hair from the beginning of the diagnosis

Of cancer

And every blink

Every breath

Feels like death

Never let a soldier see you cry

Nights past and the beeping slows

And your prayer speeds

But your faith leaves

And you wife grieves

Pacing back and forth becomes old news

And the cars passing by outside

And fainted chitter chatter in the alleys 4 miles away

Feels like murder

Because the whole world doesn’t stop to check on your baby

Never let a soldier see you cry

Her days continue to count down

And the rounds of whiskey make him immune to relief

Immune to life

And your wife sits outside of room 111C

With your baby girl inside

Because she can’t bare to see the red and purple rings grow around her eyes anymore

But you sit next to her in he last grateful breaths

And beep.

Though the beep never completes

And as painful as death itself

The tears flow like rivers

But it’s ok

Because

My Soldier has never seen me cry