Not the Expected by: Imani Johnson

I just entered my Algebra 2 class as my teacher played whatever random song he had in his iTunes. My classmates and I were doing our daily routine of checking to see if any assignments were given back to us and taking our materials out of our bags.  As I was pulling my binder and pencil out of my bag my friend came to bother me.

“Go away!” I tell him pushing him away.

He laughed and started to tickle me while trying to discreetly steal my binder. I laughed and snatched my binder and screech, “Oh my god! Stop it leave me alone!”
“Oh my god leave me alone,” he mocks still reaching for my binder.
“Stop you're so mean to me.”
Still in that mocking tone he imitates me, “Stoppp.”
“Dude really?”
“Why do you talk like that?” he asks.

Ever since I came back from over seas I’ve been asked this same question over and over again, “Why do you talk like that?” I never have a real response for this question except that it’s just the way I talk. As my friend stares at me while he waits for an answer I just ask him, “Talk like what?” I already know his answer before the words even pass his mouth.

“Like a white girl.”

I don’t take his response as an insult knowing that he didn’t mean it as an insult but just his only way to describe my speech. I thought back to 7^th grade when I first came back from over seas and felt like an outsider among my friends because of how they talked. They talked in higher voices and talked with using words such as “like”, “oh my god”, or “dude” constantly. Speaking like them meant that you were cool and I was in need to make new friends so I decided to speak like them.  Their language was pretty cool and I got a kick out of speaking the “new” generation’s language. My change in language was a permanent change and became a part of who I am.

            Apparently to people I was viewed as white although my skin is brown and my race is African- American. Although what people say, I always thought of myself as African-American. For a while I was confused with why people called me white, but then as I grew I realized what they meant. I didn’t act like how a stereotypical African- American acts: being annoyingly loud, speaks improperly, etc.  I went against my race’s stereotype. Intentionally. It wasn’t because I wanted to become someone I wasn’t but because I wanted to prove those stereotypes wrong. To show that I’m a young educated African- American girl and not a loud, rude, uneducated African-American girl. That I deserved to be respected. I realized that many African- Americans are disrespected because of their language.  My language was created to prove that I’m not what people assumed me to be and to be cool.

As high school came along I was called the “whitest black girl” or when people listened to me talk they or looked through my iTunes they would say I only have white music. My friends not only would say this about me but also my parents.

            In the words of James Baldwin, ”Language incontestably, reveals the speaker,” your language greatly defines who you are. This is how most people think and how many racial stereotypes were created. Even so, what happens to those who do not fit under those stereotypes? Where their likes and dislikes aren’t like everybody else in their race, or where they don’t act like others in their race? I’m one of those people who don’t fit under a racial stereotype so many people try to place me under another stereotype.  The most common one I get placed under is “white.”

            I realize that not many people are not used to not being able to determine your identity by just observing how you talk. Even I am guilty of judging someone and getting confused because they talked differently than their race’s stereotype. Even though many people talk about how I talk and call me something that I’m not, I will continue to talk the way I talk because people need to understand that language isn’t always the key to someone’s identity.