Notice

(Sighs)“It’s good to see you too, Em. But I’m not Hope. I’m Faith.” (Turns to audience) But am I? At least I think I am. I mean, I’ve been around to see 15 years of my life. I should know. Sadly Emily still doesn’t know.

I wish I can accept it and push it of, but Em, I can’t. Like really, like, you’ve been friends with my big sis for like 18 years and me for like 15 of them. That should be enough time to see the differences between us, right? YES, I look like Hope. I get it. But we are different. Different people, different names, just … different. I mean yeah, we do similar stuff from time to time. How was I supposed to know a handful of that will turn into a lifetime of confusion with telling the difference between two people? I mean like, you even got the twins’ names right but you can’t get my name right. You can’t identify me? Seriously?

Do you see this? Are you kidding me! My friend? My own friend? (Calms herself. Looks to the roof) You know what … I don’t even know if you’re my friend. I don’t even  know if anyone is my friend. Like, the first thought that comes to y’all head when you see me is Hope? Hope, that one girl whom I’m related to. The one girl that’s like an itch that can’t be relieved, no matter what you try to do. That ONE GIRL where I, me, Faith Patterson, is forced to live in her shadows. Just sitting there, never to be truly seen.

I mean, yeah she’s a good person ‘n’ all. S-she’s a people’s person just like mom. People love people’s person that can talk clear. She’s not awkward socially. She’s unique. People like unique people. Not me. I’m just the opposite. Just last Saturday she was invited to three parties. She’s the life of the party. I wanted to say “Is she the life of us all too?” That’s not even the worst part. I was right next to them when they invited her. They turn their backs towards me. They didn’t- They didn’t want me there, but I can’t blame them. Who would want a socially awkward person who tries to be her best to not be at their party? But I just don’t understand. Am I wearing a mask with her face or something?

Why? Why are the people so confused? We’re different. I try to make that clear. I dress different from her, no matter how uncomfortable. If she looks casual, I look professional. Elegant. If she wears jewelry, I don’t. If she wants to wear make-up, I don’t want it. I mean, I’ll probably look like a clown … or pretty for John. I did tell you- Did I tell you he was at the party with Hope too? I heard that they were dancing together at the parties. Whatever, off topic. If I wear make-up, maybe I can attract people. Or maybe- you know what, forget it. It’s a hope. A dream. I’ll never get noticed. Not if I keep being myself … right? I mean, like, I’ve won many rewards and went to places. But everyone else at school has done that countless times. Even my sister Hope. It’s nothing special. I’m not special. Not like them. What if I can’t be like them? Or like Hope? Or like anyone? Who am I supposed to be?  So I have a question. When will you people notice me? Not the mask I put up for you, a smile that can fool obviously the average person for 15 years. Look closely. I’m the one who’s deprived of a-affection. I’m the one who has a humor and snorts when laughing. The one that’s in the background, chained down by the ignorance of you  people and forced to watch everyone else in the sun. Will you notice me when if I was as skinny as my sister? Will you notice me if I was as pretty as Alana? Will you notice me if I showed the cuts that litter my skin?

I wish Layla was here. It’ll be nice to be seen right about now. Now she’s gone. I lost her to a drunk driver. He survived. Only a few scratches. Not her though. One minute she’s here, the next, she’s in a funeral bed. And I didn’t have enough strength to even go to say my last word to her. I guess why people also like Hope. She knows what to say to others while I can’t say anything to myself…

Layla, if you hear me, I … I’m sorry. For not going to your funeral. For not saying what I wanted to say to you as your spirit was alive there at the time, before I had to adjust life without you. You’ll always be my best friend. I’m glad I have you for a best friend. Because I don’t know who is. Everyone moved on. I’m stuck in one place. I just want to ask you if God tells you if I’ll have a miracle soon. A person like you anytime soon perhaps? A person who’ll notice that I’m in pain. Just let me know in any way you can, ok? Knowing you, you’ll go overboard. Anyway, I’ll listening out for you.