Oh no it you again

No one was home. I think my parents are out. The house is dark and empty. I want to go to my room onto my bed. Did someone say something? Oh no, you are back. Why? I should be happy and full of joy coming back home after hanging with friends. But all I felt was the sorrow and doubts. I should be coming home full of memorable events, but I am coming home full of grieve.

I just feel like my friends are not really friends. Yes I hang out with them, yes I laugh along with them, yes I have memories of them. But do they really feel the same for me? Do they really give me as much love as I give to them? Every day I come to school, I said hi but no hi in return. Only stone cold stares or a glance from their eyes. They just walk away from me or continue on with their conversation. Forgetting I was even there. Every time we hang out I am just in the back, listing to my friends just talking with each other behind my back. When I talk, my words get lost in theirs. My friends just slowly forget I was even there. You said that maybe they are all fake and they never really love me.

The girl? Well this girl. She in our friend group. Well I. I like her. I told her. I remember vividly that day when I told, she said let's just keep it as friends. But for these last few days, I’ve seen her sitting with one of my "friends". I was full of jealousy with my sorrow. Perhaps I was mistaken? Perhaps it was true that she like him more. Dam you are making me have the feeling of doubt again.

What is the meaning of life anymore? I feel lost in this world of hopelessness and loneliness. All I want is someone to sit down and talk to me, know that I am there and acknowledging me. At the very minimum, willing to listen to me. I do not have anyone to turn to and talk to. Everyone I once love is fading away. Sometimes I want to scream out loud. I just want someone to listen to me, talk to me, cry with me. Only you can hear me.

Every day I go to bed, I been having sleepless nights. Having deep thoughts like what the purpose of life? Where do I go? What the next step of life? I just feel directionless and lost in life. Each coming day I just feel scared and alone. I starting to lose patience feeling the frustration and angery with everyone. Because you taking control over me.

I have just been ignoring you all these years. No one will believe me, listen to me, that you are following me. Taunting me. Everywhere I go, you are always there. I want to end you, breaking free from you with a stab to the heart. But I have always been afraid to face you. You have been haunting me for so many years. Twice I face you with a knife, but I back down like a coward.

You know what? Today is the day. Come on where is it. There it is. The knife. I'm not afraid! IM NOT AFRAID

AAAAAAHHHHHH

I did it. I kill you. There the blood on the floor. My eyes are feeling heavy. This hurts a lot. Everything so blurry. But at least I kill you. You were my own thoughts, yes you made me suffer all these years, you were in my head. Talking over me. Bring me down. At least now, the world is a better place without me and you. At least now I am in a better place. I ended my suffering from the pain of you gave me. Because you were my thoughts inside my head.