The pain that nobody talks about behind addictions and family bonds

“Orlando don't you think it's time to head home, tomorrow is a school day honey?”  

Once I heard that my heart started to pump faster and faster as a grab my bag full of clothes to walk out the door. Just as I started to walk out  the door I can hear my mother screaming at me.  

“You couldn’t come see me you dumb bitch!”,

I maybe could have seen her, but for what for so she can just call me all types of names and make me feel bad about myself. Just after I walk in and I'm shocked, I didn't get cursed out for once I came in the house. Instead I smell some strong odor. I started to wonder was it from outside or inside my house.  I shut the door to see if the smell is still there. It wasn't outside. I know it's coming from upstairs once I close the door. I enter my room.

“who’s there?”

“It's me Orlando I just got home”, mind you it's about 7:00 pm.

As I said I was home to my mom, she looked a little  funny. Her lip was turned, the smell came out her room, and she was paranoid.

“Is she doing drugs again, I thought she promised me she’ll stop.” I say to myself.

At that moment I feel the steam come out my ears because I was so mad. Instead of telling her off I showered and went to bed.  

It's Monday morning, Sep 9 and I am very happy because I love school and can't wait  to make new friends at my new school.  I walk outside my bedroom door I noticed my mom had been up all night because her light had been on all night. “Mom are you up? I'm heading to school.”

As soon as I asked my mom if she was up, she turned her light off not knowing I'm right outside her door. Since I didn't get a response, I begin  to head to school and ignore what just happened so I can start on a good note entering freshman year at SLA.

“OMG you survived your first day of highschool.” I said to myself ready to come back to school for the second day.

When I got off the bus I walked straight  home thinking about all the homework I have to do and will I be able to get to sleep early. When I was walk down the block, I noticed that my mom is in a bad mood. I wondered if it was because she doesn't have money to buy drugs? Or Is it because she got in a fight with my step father? Once I  walked up my front steps she approaches me with a “Do you have money”

instead of “Hi baby! How was your first day?”

But it's fine, I'm used to it already. “I need it for my lunch. Hi to you to.”

As I began my homework, my mother decided to  come in and start to calling me stupid, that I don't love her, and  that I won’t be a anybody in my future.  This all stemmed from me not giving her money.  I stop doing my homework because I really want to become somebody and she doesn't show me any support. I think to myself maybe I can just grow thicker skin and ignore what she says. After I stopped being upset, I started to do more homework and as soon as I lifted my pencil she started to verbally abuse me more. This time by making me think bad about myself more.

Once again I stop because I can't focus. I”ll just do it at school since she is bugging me because she doesn't have drug money..

It's Tuesday, New year's eve. I promised my sister I would spend New year's eve with her and her new boyfriend since I always spend it at my best friend house. Before I stepped into my house, all I smelled is this strong awful odor of throw up. “Why is there throw up near that white couch? It's gonna start to make the couch stink.”

“It's your mother's she was drunk last night and decided to start fights with me knowing I'm pregnant” my sister says walking down the steps.

While I'm walking to the kitchen I see three stacks of bowls that are dirty. “Why aren't the dishes clean! Yall to lazy to wash dishes?” not knowing my mother didn't pay the water bill.

Once I figure out the water is shut off I instantly come towards my mom who stinks very bad and tell her “you need to get your act together first you started drugs again and you start drinking now!”

Now while I get my clothes all I'm doing is regretting that promise I made Monday night because my mother is just gonna drink the night away again.

It's 12:00 AM New Years, Once everybody in my house is done hugging me and my mom get in alil argument because she called me “snotty” just because I didn't want to get her a beer. She than asks me a rude question “Why you gotta be so snotty towards your mother? that's so fucked up.”

I didn't even answer the question I just left upstairs because I didn't want to just like curse at her maybe she’ll start to hit on me next.
Three hours passed and the party is still going on because my mother don't care that everybody is tired, so my sister unplugs her stereo and hides the extension cord. My mom being drunk wanted to still hear music and tried to ask me to get another extension cord, my response towards her questions was a simple “no you're drunk go to bed” turned into a fight. My mom ran up the steps and charged after me by grabbing my neck and shouting, “you're such a snotty, dumb, unaffectionate bitch you know that”.

While she is choking me my sister pulls her off than my mom kicked me out at 3 in the morning. I shout as a threat and a promise “the next time you grab me by the neck you’ll have DHS in your life with a black eye”.  
A month later around 7pm, my mother decided to get drunk again and attack my sister. All I heard was her screaming “you ain't going to have no future” and rumbling.

“Get the fuck out my room, don't worry I'm not coming back home after school tomorrow” my sister says as my mom walks down the steps.

I ask my sister “where she going back to the bar?”

“I don't know and don't care!” She replied.

Once she answered she started to have a dramatic break down which triggered me to talk to Lehmann because i'm so scared my sister will hurt herself. Once I got into contact his reply was “Lando want me to come get you? I'm scared for your safety”

I say “yes please come quick be safe”.

Once Mr.lehmann came to my house the police shows up and break down the door, me leaving with my sister to Lehmann house for the night and my mom getting in the house.

That morning is where my promise came in place. That I would bring DHS back into my mother’s life again.  We had a discussion with my advisor and Mr.lehmann about the incident and if I felt save? As we speak I get emotional and shut down because I feel some weight I had on my shoulders from my mom come. Of course I felt guilty but at the end I felt a little better but I still felt lost. I felt lost because I stood to my promise and me doing that it affected my relationship with my sister, whom I was close with. They took me out my house. I stayed with my best friend until August. Which was the month all the weight and guilt I had on my shoulders vanished because my mother has no legal rights for me. She can't attack me no type of way.  All I can think about is “God is good, God is good.”