The Weight Of Absence

Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale delves into the harrowing experiences of Offred, a woman stripped of her autonomy but most importantly her livelihood. One particular moment occurs when Offred is given a picture of her daughter but denied the ability to keep it by Serena Joy, the commander’s wife. “It has washed over me, washed me away as if I’m nothing more than a woman of sand, left by a careless child too near the water….You can see it in her eyes: I am not there(228.)” This scene resonates deeply with me, evoking feelings of longing, loss, and the complex dynamics of motherhood, emotions that parallel my own life experiences. More to that, I moved from New York to Philly when I was about six years old, leaving my mother was one of the hardest things I had to endure but I know that I relate to Offred’s daughter in a way. The pictures I took growing up when I moved were completely different, especially knowing that I struggled with the complex dynamics of motherhood and fatherhood. I had to depend upon my grandmother which made everything in my life completely different and in pictures I didn’t have the same happiness that I had when I was with my mother. It’s similar to this quote because when Offred glimpses at the photograph of her daughter, it represents the painful reminder of her past life, filled with mistakes that she couldn’t take back. The fact that she had no possession of the photograph amplified her feelings of loss and helplessness. This moment has resonated with me because it reflects my feelings concerning the deep emotional scars left by my separation from my parents. Although I was young when all this happened to me, the emotional fallout was so intense for me that I can sort of understand the perspective of Offred’s daughter although we have different situations they are similar. I often found myself longing for the moments captured in photographs of happier times, moments that felt irretrievably lost. The photograph also symbolizes not just a memory but the oppressive forces of Gilead that seek to erase Offred’s identity as a mother. The control over her life extends to her relationship with her daughter, leaving her in a constant state of desire. “But she exists, in her white dress. She grows and lives. Isn’t that a good thing? A blessing? Still, I can’t bear it, to have been erased like that(228.)” This resonates with my own experiences of societal expectations and the pressure to comply with rules. For instance, during my young teenage years, I faced a ton of pressure from my friends and family to follow a predetermined path in education. Much like Offred whose identity is subverted by the roles imposed on her, I struggled to assert my desires against the expectations set in front of me. The photograph serves as a reminder of what Offred has lost, just as I often felt the weight of expectations overshadowing my true aspirations. Offred’s emotional turmoil upon seeing the photograph is compounded by her inability to act on her feelings. She is aware that her maternal instincts are stifled by a regime that values women only for their reproductive capabilities. “When there’s meat they cut it up for me ahead of time, as if I’m lacking manual skills or teeth. I have both, however. That’s why I’m not allowed a knife(228.)” This helplessness resonates with me, particularly during times when I felt powerless to change my circumstances. For example, when my family faced financial difficulties, I often felt like an observer in my own life, unable to influence the situation. The sense of being trapped, much like Offred’s confinement in Gilead, evokes a profound empathy within me. I understand the frustration of wanting to reach out and connect but feeling constrained by external forces. Especially knowing that those external forces don’t ever truly understand you’re situation unless they have been in your shoes before. Moreover, Offred’s experience highlights the broader theme of maternal bonds and the sacrifices that come with them. Her desire to protect her daughter, even from afar, resonates with my own experiences of motherhood and the challenges that accompany it. As a child, whose parents never got married but ended up separating when I was young, I often felt the need to protect my younger siblings from the emotional struggles of our family situation. This instinct to shield loved ones from pain, even when I was struggling, mirrors Offred’s fierce love for her daughter. The photograph served as a reminder that, despite the barriers imposed by society, the bond between a mother and child should remain unbreakable.