Uniquely Crazy

“ The clock hands hang at two minutes to three and she’s liable to let them hang there until we rust…. The old Chronic next to me has been dead six days, and he’s rotting to the chair.” - (68-69) My Nana believes she sees visions—a calling of some sort from God, her ancestors, or a higher being—it doesn’t matter. There are patterns in her visions. They manifest themselves through dreams, the deceased she once knew speaking softly to her in deliberate, painted imagery—a pricked finger with a small needle, a child in bed with a fever, a burning house in the pouring rain. Nana was taking care of me when I was little and both my parents were away on family business. She went to sleep in the guest bedroom exhausted from a long day of babysitting but her sleep was cut short, a message overlapping horrid imagery of smokey hallways and an uncontrollable inferno. “Would you really let my great-grandbaby die so soon?” Nana recalled hearing. She swiftly snatched me from my cradle and sprinted out of the house calling the fire department. She called them without any real piece of information to justify them coming out but reluctantly they did and searched the house. They found a gas leak that was coming from the gas stove in the kitchen that filled the entire house. This only solidified to Nana that she and I had just narrowly escaped death.
I used to believe that these visions were just another thing that grandparents talk about to trick their grandchildren into doing or believing something– I know for a fact that when I reach that age, I’ll be making up all sorts of stories for my grandchildren– however, when you’re young sometimes it’s hard to feel empathy or know what it’s like trying to understand others. This is why kids are usually taught empathy early on in their lives to make sure that they don’t become selfish or closed off to the rest of the world. There is a philosophical idea people develop instinctually which could be reinforced later in a person’s life leading to not just apathetic behavior but behavior that other people deem as “psychotic” or “crazy”. “Solipsism” is the philosophical concept that states “the only real mind that exists is your own.” Everything someone sees, hears, and feels in life is all in your head. A lot of times it boils down to the core value of distrust and questioning. I can never truly prove that my Nana has these visions, the only thing that I can say is that I don’t have those visions meaning that in my mind they mustn’t exist. This is what I fear will escalate into a smooth ease into isolation and distrust. It’s something that I fear for most people. My Nana had visions like these come true often enough to question what I thought was real. However, the doubt can never be expelled from the back of my mind that Nana is living in her crazy fantasy world where things like prophetical visions could be true. The term “crazy” in and of itself is rooted in Solipsism. This label comes from the lack of understanding of another person simply because of the difference in how they perceive the world. I’m guilty of this as well, treating others in a more distant way because of the psychological differences between them and me. Our worlds are of different colors, shapes, imagery, and memory. It’s wrong to deny this reality because it’s present in everyone’s subconscious. Is Nana crazy for having these visions? Or am I crazy for denying the existence of visions in the first place? Is it crazy or weird for Bromden to perceive Nurse Ratched as someone who can slow down or speed up time? For him, that’s just the reality that he lives in. It’s something that McMurphy, Harding, or Billy Bibbet wouldn’t understand, they aren’t Bromden. It’s an underlying issue that Bromden acknowledges when talking about the Combine. Every patient in the psych ward is there because they are deemed as “crazy”, or “damaged machinery” in the words of Bromden. Whether I support or denounce the factuality of Nana’s visions doesn’t matter, life will continue on. Whether the Combine thinks patients in the psych ward like Bromden or McMurphy are crazy or not they will continue to live on in their heads with their own perspectives, just like how I live in my own understanding of Nana’s visions.