Unwilling to Tell

Over the course of life I really just struggle with death. Life has became a stress. Its like im dealing with a fight over and over again. Death is a rocky point, I just been dealing with this for a while. Funeral after funeral just waiting to know when will it stop. No beating or hearing is the only thing that was going through my body when I get announcements that I have l lost one. Death has impacted my life so much that I am lost when I just think about anything else. The thought of it changes my life for the better and not for the worst. I feel so empty. Emptiness is where i feel the most useless and worthless in this world. How come I can’t get a break you may wonder. Well it’s because I been struggling with death my whole life.

     On July 4th blood rolled from his head and nose, As his friend in the car is gasping for air. All you hear is a loud siren noise heading towards the car. Reporting live from north philadelphia area. There are two men right now that was rushed to the hospital in cruidel conditions. I lost my favorite uncle in the whole wide world, this had a huge impact on how i live my life today. I really celebrate on the 4th of july just so that it feels like he is still here with me. He passed away on july 2 and his birthday was the 4th of july. I sat and cried and cried. Screaming and screaming as the family mourned all together. Thats my bestfriend I said to my dad as he than thought about how this would affect me the most. My dad just thought about how would the family work as one again because he was the life and the support of us. As we was watching the news that night, it appeared on the news channel:

   Reporting live from the scene where this car as hit a tree. The two men are in the hospital but we just got word that either one of them made it. Shawn Carter and Greg ford. My grandmother passed out and we couldn’t do anything but give her time to really think and process what happened in this moment. The doctors room was filled with puddles of water and heartbreak.

        We really enjoyed each other time and we loved to hang out as a family. This was one of my favorite things to do I just really enjoyed every moment with him. We spent basically every weekend together because I just loved being around him. I really just got stuck on what to write so that's all i can say right now. We use to have fight parties at my house. We would go out and celebrate on the 4th of july. We was always the party type. I love the way that my relationship is with him. He makes me so happy. We would go out to eat like every other weekend. I would think about all the good time every other weekend. We would go to Fridays every friday because that is my favorite place. I cried out. I really just loved when i seen him. He made me feel so happy. He was my favorite cousin. He was really the best. My family thought about how he was always the life of the party. When shawn came in that's when the party arrived. He would just make us all happy and thankful for living life to the fullest. We laughed as a family, we danced as a family, we even fought as a family but with when it was all said and done shawn was our rock and nobody in this world could change everything that he has did for us.

     This essay is hard for me to right because this is the most triggering spot in life. I really just think about this moment and these people everyday man. Everytime I think about this topic i get crushed and I feel like im a piece of cookies just crumbing to the ground. This topic is not something that I normally would express because i told myself that I would not keep letting people get into my personal life. But when the birthdays and the holidays come up I just can't stop thinking about them and everything they have ever did for me. I wish I could say i can’t wait for them to see me graduate. This has been a rocky road for me and I'm done with talking about this. I feel like my emotions are coming on very strong on i think about the goodness and what they have done for me over my life. If it wasn’t for the world and my family i don’t know where i would be today. This has been a emotional road but I am happy to say it is over and now I can move on and just think about how I know that he will always be here with me. I just think as for my family I have to be strong and I have to think about where my life can take me from here. This has been a very tuff topic for me and I hope you guys are all thankful for me sharing this.