The word consent has two different types of meaning in my opinion. The first one being willing consent, this consent is more about “yes I want to do this” opposed to pressured consent where you said yes but you really don’t want to.

Offred feels the pressure to complete “her duty” even if it’s something she doesn’t want to do. Very clearly she doesn’t want to do this intimidate act with the commander but she agrees because she feels she has to. In modern times I see pressured consent around parties/rivs, drinking and smoking, we know this as peer pressure. 

“This was supposed to signify that we are one in flesh, one being. What it really means is that she is in control, of the process and thus the product.” (94)

[ This was supposed to signify that I was cool, an outgoing person. What it really means is that I need to been seen as cool, not only to myself, but also my peers.]

Offred’s hope for this to mean something different than it is, shows loss of control and meaning in what she’s pressured to do. I feel this when I go to the riv. I want to feel as cool as the people around me, it supposed to be a turning point in my character where I could be seen as enthusiastic and confident, but in reality I felt out of place and left behind. I see this a lot in kids I talk to about these parties, they say it’s not really fun but there go because all the “cool” people go and have fun, so why shouldn’t they?

”Maybe I’m crazy and this is some new kind of therapy. I wish it were true; then I could get better and this would go away.” (94) [ Maybe I’m boring and this is some new way to unlock something in me. I wish it was true; then I could actually have fun and enjoy my time.]

Offred’s coping mechanism is normalizing what’s happening to her even though it’s not normal nor morally right. My sophomore year I was asked every time if I was going to the riv and I had to say no, every single time. I had a really bad case of fomo (Fear of Missing Out). So come my junior when my parents let me go, I was ecstatic, imagining all the people I would talk to and all the features I would get on people’s story. When I got there I found myself standing in a corner to myself overwhelmed with the situation. I wasn’t feeling ecstatic liked I hoped, people weren’t taking pictures with me liked I hoped. So I convinced myself that this was an normal experience and that I would warm up to this feeling and I’m just acting crazy. I kept going to rivs praying with each one it would change so that I could actually enjoy my time.

”Kissing is forbidden between us. This makes it bearable.” (95) [ Atleast not everyone is crazy drunk or high. This make it bearable.]

Offred very clear is not enjoying this experience so she notes things to herself to make it seem like it could be worse than it actually is, in order to make herself more comfortable. I walked around these rivs looking for someone who wasn’t black out drunk to hangout with and I found maybe two people max, but even them couldn’t stick around, they had something else to accomplish. But atleast 15 minutes of this night was comfortable. I realized that the point of rivs wasn’t for talking and hangout with some alcohol, it was about getting drunk as fast as possible and finding a person to flirt with.

”There is a loathing in her voice, as if the touch of my flesh sickens and contaminates her.” (95) [ There is an inarticulate tone in her voice, as if the feeling of alcohol consumes and overpowers her.]

Offred feels a sense of disgust from the commander’s wife but it stems from her own insecurity of the intimate act she just did. My friend came up to me, she was slurring her speech and speaking in a really high pitched voice, laughing at everything a boy said. This is a side I never saw of her, it wasn’t who she was. She was independent and a man hater but something about this party culture and alcohol switch something off in her. I thought, how embarrassing and pathetic it seemed. As the night moved on I found myself doing that exact same thing and suddenly here I was feeling embarrassed and pathetic.

Through examining Offred’s experience in The Handmaid’s Tale alongside the pressures of modern party culture, it becomes clear that consent exists on a spectrum far more complex than a simple yes or no. Both Offred and countless young people today find themselves saying “yes” to situations they fundamentally don’t want to participate in, driven by social expectations, fear of exclusion, or the desperate hope that compliance will eventually lead to genuine enjoyment or acceptance. The parallel between Offred’s rationalization of her traumatic experiences and the way I convince myself that uncomfortable party situations are “normal” reveals how pressured consent operates across different contexts and time periods. The underlying dynamic remains the same: when choice is constrained by social pressure, fear, or the desire for belonging, true consent becomes impossible. Understanding this distinction between willing and pressured consent is crucial for recognizing these patterns in our own lives and creating spaces where genuine choice can exist.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​