In chapters 35-39 of The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood, I felt the weight of rebellion both as an outward and inward expression that was a dangerous gamble on the characters' lives. Offred's inner thoughts are where most of her resistance takes shape: in memories she refuses to surrender,  and in a way she measures time and names people in her head. These chapters push me to see rebellion not only as a dramatic refusal but as the slow accumulation of choices that refuse total submission. Especially when Offred recalls the past-shopping with Moira, sharing jokes with the other handmaids, or thinking about Nick, she is slowly reassembling a self that Gilead tries to erase; those recollections are a quiet rebellion. At the same time, outward acts, like the illicit conversations, furtive touches, and the risky physical contact Offred has had with the Commander, remind me that Gilead has degrees of rebellion. These physical connections can be seen as overt defiance because they insist on human needs that the regime pretends do not exist.

Reading these Chapters makes me compare rebellion in the book to how we treat dissent in the real world. In a lot of public discourse, rebellion is often portrayed as criminal or noble, depending on the perception you have. Rebellion can be a survival tactic, an emotional refuge, or a way to claim or reclaim dignity. Gilead's laws reduce every human impulse to political calculation; so when Offerd allows herself memory and curiosity, she enacts a politics of personhood. That resonates with modern realities where marginalized groups and individuals push back through language, and everyday refusal-subtle cultural shifts that don't always make the headlines but accumulate into larger change. In both the book and the world, rebellion meaning depends on perspective: rulers call it a threat; the oppressed call it necessary survival.


Now, as a young person, I recognize how easily our attempts to define ourselves and figure out who we are/want to be are labeled as rebellious. Chapters 35-39 of the novel map that misinterpretation in relief. Teenagers and young adults test boundaries to understand values and to practice autonomy; this process is frequently read as defiance rather than just exploration—Offred's small rebellions, reading, remembering, and making taboo connections. Adults often dismiss my questions or choices, seeing them as my teenage stubbornness, instead of seeing them as attempts to learn and understand. Similarly, Gilead's authority misreads human curiosity and intimacy as moral failures. I see how the novel urges the reader to recognize the developmental work of young people as rebellion.

Chapters 35-39 taught me that rebellion is as much about keeping your thoughts intact as it is about external actions. 

Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden “Black Hole Sun” is a very nihilistic song, which is fitting for Gilead, as it’s a country seemingly gone insane. The songs yearning for death sit in Offred’s entality. “ Black Hole Sun, won’t you come and wash away the rain?” The downbeat locals and bodies a world in which hope has been exterminated and replaced with apathy. Offred feels this in her bones.“I am like a room where things once happened and now nothing does, except the pollen of the weeds that grow up outside the window, blowing in as dust across the floor.” (18,104) She has become a machine, mindlessly doing her tasks, devoid of all emotion other than a permanent feeling of discomfort and abandonment. Just like this son, she sees their only way in which she sees her story ending, that being the inevitable death that all handmaids will inevitably experience, the death of their usefulness.

Song 33 - Noname Gilead is nearly identical to Noname’s Song 33. The song is spoken over a jazz hip-hop beat. Noname calls out the world for its ignorance of this violence again and again; she sees more and more people like her go missing or be murdered outright. “They’ve removed anything you could tie a rope to.” (1,7) Her dark tone as she repeats herself, appalled by the violence and the indifference of the people around her, is nearly identical to how the book depicts Gilead. Noname can’t after every verse shows the cyclical nature of the violence that she is seeing, the spoken word style of her rapping makes it all the more similar to OfOffred’s relentlessness in the world in which she must face the violence inflicted on her every day.

Watching him fade away - Mac DeMarco The hazy guitar loop, muffled vocals, and nostalgic tone of Mac DeMarco’s “Watching him fade away” perfectly fit into Gilead’s atmosphere of a bitter new world, having this way from the Bittersweet world remembered by Offred in the before times. The detached sadness mirrors Offred’s quiet surrender as the memories of the before times are slowly drowned out, not by what is inflicted on her but by the simple and mundane memories and routines. The song’s lack of climax parallels how Gilead strips the past of emotion and vividness. Throughout the song Mac DeMarc expresses his displeasure with the person that is singing about but he also realizes that part of him still hurt that he is gone “I know you never meant to put him down. And even if you did, he sure deserved it” if you substitute “ him” As America’s system of patriarchy, and this song is very close to ow Offred els in Gilead. America’s patriarchy was destroyed and replaced with one unimaginably worse. Where did you sleep last night - Lead Belly There’s a cold danger to Lead Belly’s “Where did you sleep last night?” The song feels like the lead-up to a horror movie. The question he asked is concerned as to reveals hell dark and dangerous the Pines are. Eventuallyrevealing that there was a body found in the woods. The song mirrors the darkness of Gilead and the dangers of breaking the rules. Offred’s private meetings, Scrabble games, and cigarettes with the commander aren’t intimacy. It’s Danger dressed as privilege. When he asks, “Where did you sleep last night?” it’s out of concern, as the forest is only filled with darkness and danger. The commander performs politeness and benevolence, but both of them know that he has the power to send her to the gallows. When she finally realizes that she is only a doll to the commander too late.

Which side are you on?- Pete Seeger

Throughout the story, Offred is given a choice: compliance or death. Gilead is terrified by the disloyalty of its citizens, so it uses secret police to disappear anyone who speaks against the government’s totalitarian and rabidly paternalistic policies. Offred’s whispers have become her only protest: “Nolite te bastardes carborundorum”(9,52) (Don’t let the bastards grind you down). The folk-protest classic “Which Side Are You On?” It is very similar as it is a song meant to resist the ruling class, although in Gilead, the ruling men and not the Capital owners. The pride and survivalism are clear in both the song and the quote as both regard the ruling class as being in the way of dragging them down and ontologically evil, while uplifting the people.

“Temprest” Deftones: This song is not a light-hearted song. It’s slow and dramatic, and aggressive in a way. The guitar gives it an edge to it and a darker theme. This song reminded me of how Offred dissociates during the ceremony and, in general, to escape her true feelings about her world, and to keep it all down to avoid trouble. The song says “Lay there, stare at the ceiling, and switch back to your time.” It reminds me of how Offred dissociates during the ceremonies, separating herself from her physical body. She just stares at the ceiling while thinking about anything. “I’d like to be taken apart from the inside, then spit through the cycle, right to the end.” They’re trapped in a cycle built to exploit them. The government tries to brainwash the girls into thinking this is the right way, so they want to keep continuing.

“Shameless” Camilla Cabello: This song describes the powerful tension between two people, and how hard it is to resist. Immediately, this reminded me of Nick and Offred, and the unspoken bond between them. They’re human, and that’s not good for Gilead. “My emotions are naked they’re taking me out of my mind,” I believe this lyric portrays how the intimacy is forbidden, so offred not used to the feeling. Offred isn’t used to feeling that kind of connection. I think this song would play when he sees her standing by her window. “Distance inches in between us, I want you to give in, I want you to give in. weakness, tension in between us, I just wanna give in, and I don’t care if I’m forgiven.” This lyric reminds me of the glance Nick offred share. “Nick. We look at each other. I have to rise to toss, he has no lute. But it’s the same kind of hunger, which I can’t indulge.” (192) They both feel the tension and connection between them, and they both know it’s wrong, which makes it harder to resist.

“Tourniquet” Evanescence: The fast pace and intensity of this song express the anxiety and fear offred has about seeing Luke again, and wondering where he is. The song perfectly expresses this feeling. “Do you remember me? Lost for so long, Will you be on the other side? Or will you forget me?” I picked this song because it shows the distressed emotional side of her she is forbidden to express. “Does he know I’m here, alive, that I’m thinking about him? I have to believe so.” (105) She asks herself very similar questions as the song lyrics; she is desperately trying to comfort herself in a way. There’s also the religious aspect in this song too, “I’m dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming. Am i too lost to be saved, am i too lost? My god my tourniquet, return to me salvation.” In Gilead they use religion to control the women in a way, and i think this lyric symbolizes the lack of hope she has left.

“Prayers/Triangle” Deftones: The lyrics in this song are intense and about power and similar themes. I thought this would be perfect for The Handmaid’s Tale. “Prayers laid on the line, you will never be free. You will never be free, I’m a true slave to the fire and the air around you.” This reminds me of how the women are bound to their oppressive rules and the religion that’s been created. How she feels like she desperately needs to escape, and how the girls are so deep into the system they can’t express their humanity. They cant even walk outside wearing normal clothing, everything is restricted, everything is a reconstruction.

With the beginning of the end (senior year) coming around, whether we want it to or not, it becomes harder and harder to run away from the…..c word. Applying to college is something most young adults fear, the fear of trying to sum up the purpose of our life and your efforts into a few boxes is consuming. As we know, SAT scores and our grade point averages play a significant role in the school we get admitted to. Yet I don’t think enough people talk about the toll these submissions can have on not only your academic confidence but your overall sense of self-worth. We are taught that the numbers we work oh so hard far, will open doors, and push us to achieve our dreams, but no one told us about what happens when our results have us questioning our worth. It is without a doubt that each student has poured countless hours into their school work, yet with the competition becoming harder each day, and constant lowering of acceptance rates, it would be easy for admissions offices to look past all of our efforts. “I don’t want to look at something that determines me so completely.”(pg 173) This quote from The Handmaid’s Tale, when Offred reflects on her own powerlessness, captures exactly how I feel when I see my test scores. Our worth is so much more than what numbers can represent. There is no world in which a human being—who they are and what they stand for—can be truly seen through numbers alone. What these numbers actually show us, specifically the SATs, is how long we can focus for. This had never been pointed out to me until I began my SAT tutoring, when I realized that my ADHD was going to affect not only my preparation for the test, but the outcome itself. Just as Gilead sorts people into handmaids, commanders, and marthas, our system creates its own rigid categories: the “1600 SAT score” students and the “4.0 GPA” students. The systematic process of labeling—both the characters in The Handmaid’s Tale and real-life students—is damaging because it strips away identity, reducing complex human beings to a single defining characteristic. “My name isn’t Offred, I have another name, which nobody uses now because it’s forbidden. I tell myself it doesn’t matter, your name is like your telephone number, useful only to others; but what I tell myself is wrong, it does matter.”(pg 84) Offred’s loss of her name reveals what happens when we’re reduced to our statistic. The difference is only in what we’re reduced to: the handmaids are stripped down to their bodies and fertility, while we students become nothing more than standardized exam scores and every grade we’ve received since we were 14. In both cases, everything that makes us who we are—our struggles, growth, is lost. My grades aren’t perfect. I can’t say I know many students whose are. But my intent is not to overlook the students who have worked tirelessly to achieve the numbers they have. It is to acknowledge our flawed academic system that encourages us to strip away our humanity in exchange for numbers. Because my grades are less a representation of myself and more a representation of what I’ve overcome, and the common app with never have enough room for my whole story.

“Either he talks or I will. I know it, I can feel speech backing up inside me, it’s so long since I’ve really talked with anyone. The terse whispered exchange with Ofglen, on our walk today, hardly counts; but it was a tease, a preliminary. Having felt the relief of even that much speaking, I want more.”

This quote speaks to a specific feeling that is actually pretty universal and common, but is hardly ever put into words, it’s that feeling of going so long without speaking to someone that it feels like anything you have to say is just stuck inside of you. When Offred says “speech backing up inside me,” It precisely captures something many people experience, even though it’s a completely different situation. It’s not only that she wants to have a conversation but it’s that the words are building up pressure, like she will explode if she doesn’t let them out. This resonates with me because in our current society so many people go though their days have these surface level conversions that feel empty. They talk to coworkers, classmates, friends, family about these surface level things which is exactly what Offred means when she describes her exchange with Ofglen as something that “hardly counts.” People talk constantly but they’re not really truly talking to anyone a lot of the time.There’s a massive difference between common small talk, and deeper conversation, where you’re actually saying what you are thinking or feeling. Think about how many people right now sit in their school cafeteria, or their lunch break at work and talk about assignments or weekend plans but still feel lonely. You might not realize how surface level conversations can be until you have a real deeper conversation. This is what Offred means when she calls her short moment with Ofglen “a tease, a preliminary.” She gets this small moment of real connection and it reminds her of everything she had desperately been missing, which makes her want it more. “Having felt the relief of even that much speaking, I want more.” This line captures the reliability of someone remembering what a genuine connection feels like they can’t just forget ,they begin to long for more. What stands out the most to me about this passage is the way it displays that loneliness isn’t always about being physically alone. Offred is basically never physically alone, there are constantly people around her, but she feels entirely isolated because she has nobody to have these real conversations with. Everything she says and does needs to be controlled and monitored. This reminds me of the way people feel in the real world, many people are surrounded by people constantly, whether that’s at home or at schools, but still feel isolated. People constantly have thoughts and feelings that build up but they don’t know who or where to dump them, just like Offred describes. This passage makes me think about how real conversations aren’t just nice to have, but actually necessary for humans to survive. We need to be heard by others, to be understood. When Offred says “it’s so long since I’ve really talked with anyone” she’s describing something more than just being bored, she’s showing the ways she’s starving for something that is not food, she’s starving for connection. When you can understand what Offred is going through, you can see why she takes risks by having conversations with the commander, when someone is that desperate to be heard, they’re willing to take risks.

The soundtrack of love in a locked Room by(Jay Dutton)

Even though there’s no music in Gilead, if Offred had a playlist similar to mine, emotional r and b the kind that feels like love and quiet rebellion all at once. In the handmaids tale. Chapters 35-39 show offered shifting from fear to need.

She starts seeing Nick in secret,loses trust in the commander, and begins realizing how much of herself she’s already had to bury to live. These songs by drake, jhene,pnd,future and rod , capture the mood and emotion of her life where even love feels like resistance.

Feel No Ways by Drake this song perfectly matches Offred’s growing disconnection from the commander. By this point she realizes her relationship with him isn’t love- its control dressed up as kindness drake says ¨ I had to let go of us to show myself what I could do”and that line shows how offred tries to emotionally separate herself from the commanders manipulative power.¨He was not a monster,to her mind he was the only man she was allowed¨, p 231) This line shows how Gilead traps her into confusing captivity with comfort. The song’s distant, drifting prod sounds like the mental space offred enters when she with him lowkey , polite,pretending. She’s done giving emotion to someone who sees her as property the song by drake becomes the sound of her detachment the moment she stops trying to please him and starts thinking for herself again

Jhene Aiko’s Triggered shows Offred’s emotional reaction to her secret connection with Nick. Aiko´s voice is soft but angry and full of lots and lots of heartbreak and I think thats how offred feels when she first gives in to desire again she’s been silent for so long that the rush of emotion almost overwhelms her. ¨ I tell him my real name, and feel that therefore I am known¨

That moment is like an emotional rollercoaster its not just identity its memory its rebellion which is a recurring things for offred and kind of matches the song Jhene’s Line ¨”You were my muse, now your just just a trigger¨ reminds me of how love in Gilead is dangerous its both healing and painful in my opinion. You can tell that Offred wants to feel something again even though every touch could get her killed the song fits her perfectly because it’s about reclaiming emotion after being told to look away from it and love might leave you triggered

partynextdoors come and see me. This song’s dark late at night vibe tone feels like the secret meetings between offred and Nick that Serena joy arranges. The lyrics describe sneaking around for connection Come and See me for once¨ which matches how Offred and Nick’s relationship is built entirely in whispers and shadows

¨The Fact is I no longer want to leave.¨(p 252) That line hits hard. Offred knows she’s trapped but being with Nick gives her the smallest sense of peace. “Come and See me¨ isn’t romantic in the usual way; it’s lowkey, desperate and quiet which makes it even more powerful. She not chasing romance, more of something that keeps her alive.

Heart On ice by rod wave is a really good one especially based of the artist Rod wave music is about pain and emotional scars all of which define Offred by the end of these chapters heart on ice represents the part of her that has to shut down feelings just to keep moving.

I am a national resource ( p 236) that quote shows how she’s been normalized to a lifestyle of her body not being her own. And rods beautiful bar ¨Put my heart on ice cant let it show captures her emotional numbness to her world every time Offred shows her feelings she could risk a major punishment or heartbreak so she hides her heart just like she hides her thoughts her memories.

These songs tell the story of a woman who has to fight quietly to stay herself. R&B fits because its intimate it lives in emotions that Gilead erase from the norms and emotions such as love pain desire Offred may not be able to listen to music but if she could her playlist would sound like these songs feel no ways shows her rejection of control triggered and come and see me reflect the danger of loving in secret wait for u captures her longing for freedom and heart on ice shows the numbness she has to build to keep from surviving

Together these songs become a voice for what she can’t say aloud they turn her silence into sound proof that even in the most craziest world emotion can be still resistance

It was a random weekday when I got a text the day before from a friend who I’ve known for a long time but haven’t talked to in a while. He texted me about if I wanted to go to the gym with him. I was pessimistic about it because I wasn’t sure how it’ll turn out. But, I went along with the plan and signed up. Right after school the next day I met up with him and began our first day at the gym. As I kept going, I started to like going to the gym and the control I had with my body. I was able to control the intensity that I trained at and freedom I had with my own body. However, in The Handmaid’s Tale, by Margaret Atwood the main narrator Offred, has the opposite from me. Offred has no control or freedom over her own body. Reading through The Handmaid’s Tale reminded me that being able to make choices for my own body is a privilege that is not guaranteed for everyone. Being in the gym has taught me that control over your own body is not just physical, but also mental. Every choice I choose from the weight to intensity shows that I am in charge of my own body. In contrast with Offred every aspect of her life under Gilead’s ideology is for one purpose and that is to give birth to the children of the Commander. As stated in the novel, “It’s true, and I don’t ask why, because I know. Give me children, or else I die. There’s more than one meaning to it” (55). This shows Offred’s value as a handmaid, which is her ability to give children or die. Her understanding that she doesn’t ask why, shows the forced meaning Gilead gives to handmaids. Though she says that she will die if she doesn’t have children, it can also be the human meaning that she will feel like she has died because Gilead will strip Offred of everything that makes her human, showing the mental control over her body. Depending on how I felt or how my body felt I rested or adjusted my workouts to adapt to how I was feeling. On certain days I felt like eating fast food and cheating on my diet. This showed me the autonomy I had with my body outside the gym. In Gilead, that autonomy is stripped away. “I used to think of my body as an instrument, of pleasure, or a means of transportation, or an implement for the accomplishment of my will” (73). This quote shows Offred’s past experience with the body before Gilead. Her body as an instrument of pleasure showed that she could experience and enjoy life freely. With her body being a means of transportation this shows her independence. Offred’s implementation for her own will shows how she could act on her choices and desires. Showing the autonomy she has on her own body in her past. Now under Gilead’s rules, her body is no longer hers, being owned and regulated by Gilead, used for a sole purpose of reproduction. As I continued to progress in the gym I realized my body has changed and I started to care about myself. For Offred, she is no longer able to care for how her body looks. “But we weren’t supposed to care about our complexions anymore, she’d forgotten that” (55). Showing how Gilead has taken away individuality and self expression over their bodies. Imposing strict control over women’s own bodies and even their thoughts, deciding what they should value. “We are containers, it’s only the insides of our bodies that are important. The outside can become hard and wrinkled, for all they care, like the shell of a nut.” (96). This quote furthermore shows Gilead’s control over these handmaid’s bodies and how they directly change the value of handmaids like Offred. Under Gilead’s rules these handmaids had to change their values on their bodies, showing that even when the outside of their body was hard and wrinkled, only their insides were important. This control under Gilead’s rules highlights the psychological impact that follows without being able to have control over your own body which then forces you to lose identity and individuality. Reading The Handmaid’s Tale changed how I viewed personal freedom and the importance of my body. My experiences in the gym showed me my control over my body and my ability to shape my own life. Offred’s loss of bodily autonomy shows how devastating it can be when the freedom and control over your body are taken away. This novel has made me realize that true power is having the ownership of your body, your actions, and your identity.