Consent in a world of control and power:

College English

Ms. Pahomov

Rayhane Boukhalfa

September 29th 2025

One of the most striking aspects of The Handmaid’s Tale is Offred’s longing for affection in a world that denies her even the smallest forms of intimacy. What resonated with me deeply is that her desire for affection and touch isn’t necessarily related to romance and passion, but about human connection. As she reflects, “I hunger to touch something, other than cloth or wood. I hunger to commit the act of touch,” p(11). Living under Gilead’s society, she is reduced to her role, which strips away her individuality, her freedom, and her need to be loved, touched, or seen as a person.

This longing that she tried to hold under control started before she even realised it, then she found herself wanting it from whoever could give it to her, and it is clear in her relationship with the commander. When he invites her into his study, it feels like a break from the strict roles they are forced to perform. Offred convices herself that “I’ve crossed no boundaries, I’ve given no trust, taken no risk, all is safe.” p(61), as if she is protecting herself from the reality of what is happening. And maybe that relaxed atmosphere was what led him to ask for a kiss and what led her to say yes, or was it fear for her, fear of something bad happening to her, and what she accomplished, or what could be accomplished in a system as wrecked as this one for women. But this kiss is as complicated as it can be; she yearns for the kind of intimacy, affection, and tenderness that a kiss could represent. The kiss is framed as a request as a choice, but in reality, the commander’s power makes it impossible for her to say no, makes it impossible to see his motives. As Offred says: “I could get the sharp lever out and hide it in my sleeve, and smuggle it into the commander’s study, the next time, because after a request like that there’s always a next time whether you say yes or no.” p(139). Even moments of supposed choice are undercut by the certainty that refusal is never truly an option.

This scene shows how Scrabble, a memory of the past, made things go differently, made the commander want things he didn’t want before, or didn’t show his desire for. This scrabble scene and the scene from the ceremony show two sides of the same relationship, two sides of the same feelings and thoughts. It shows how both scenes have an allusion of consent in different levels, in the ceremony she had no choice but was given one, in the office she was given a request but didn’t have a choice, but the difference was also in her wanting the attention and touch from someone anybody, and it may just have been convenient for her in the threshold of that office, when in some way she wasn’t forced, and that made her feel like she’s making her own decissions, and she’s in control in some way. During the ceremony, Offred tells herself, “Nothing is going on here that I haven’t signed up for. There wasn’t a lot of choice but there was some, and this is what I chose.” p(94). She tries to see her compliance as a choice, but in truth, she had no real freedom, but an illusion of it. She also tries to remind herself, “This is serious business. The commander, too is doing his duty.” p(95).

This shows more and more how complex consent can be; it’s a reminder of real life, when you go along with something because it seems easier than saying no, even if you have to make it an obligation, even if it affects you. Offred’s experience magnifies that feeling by showing what it looks like in a worst society, a society where women’s autonomy has been completely erased. As Aunt Lydia preached, “There is more than one kind of freedom, said Aunt Lydia. Freedom to and freedom from. In the days of anarchy, it was freedom to. Now you are being given freedom from. Don’t underrate it.” p(24). This so-called “freedom from” is really just a mask for control, one that erases women’s ability to protect themselves, their bodies, and their minds,

Her yearning for love and affection, and the past, show how her mental health was affected and shaped. On one hand, she feels drawn to the commander or the idea of what he could give her that she yearns for; on the other hand, she doesn’t want him, but wants someone else.. In the end, I see that consent can shape who you are and how you feel, it can shape your mental health, and it can reflect on how fragile it can be when power imbalances are present, so that you can’t even protect yourself and your mental state by setting boundaries for what you can handle and what you can’t.