For my capstone, I wanted to learn about the industry behind environmental science, while also giving back something to the place that helped me. This resulted in me creating a birdhouse for The Discovery Center at the Audubon of Philadelphia to create a home for the birds that migrate through their premises. While working at the Audubon I got to do several things, some of which included working the front desk, making the trail safe to travel, and shadowing an interview process for someone looking to work at the Audubon. This process taught me a lot about not only the environmental science business but also time management skills and working past/around the several roadblocks in my way. I also learned more building and engineering skills, especially skills that would be useful for doing things in my future.

The first link provided is my presentation which shows my work, and the second link is to my annotated bibliography which shows some sources I used/intended to use throughout my capstone process.

It’s been about a year or two now since I’ve felt as though I have had little to no control over my personality. It’s hard to describe because it’s hard to notice it myself until I sit down and think about it and realize I’m nothing like I was the other day. But every week or so, or sometimes randomly halfway throughout the day it feels like I’m given a random “amount” of introversion/extroversion. There were days when it first started at Beeber where I wanted to talk to everyone in my class and then other days where I didn’t want to talk to anybody. And other than that, basically all of my personality traits are never consistent with every now and then they have a drastic change. We don’t really see a character (at least yet) in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest that has a sort of “multiple personality disorder” (even if I wouldn’t really define myself to have it) but the closest I could think of is every characters shift in extroversion/introversion when affected by Mcmurphy.

Mcmurphy over a couple of weeks, made almost the entirety of the ward more extroverted and made the community more involved with each other from day 1. And then later one when he hears that he might not be able to leave when promised, his entire personality shifts to being quiet and collected, not wanting to break any rules. Cheswick was being rowdy and asked McMurphy for backup; instead of jumping in (or leading the charge) like he would usually do, Bromden described that “all he got was silence.” (Kesey 133). Even though McMurphy’s came from a direct cause, the sudden shift of personality is something that connected with me. His personality shift from loud to quiet felt uncontrolled and sudden. But when this did happen, it made me wonder more about if my different “personalities” come from some cause. Because prior to reading this (and seeing other similar examples) I was fairly certain that it was random on how I was feeling. When looking into it I found a lot of extreme answers like Alzheimer’s or brain tumors that I’m fairly certain I don’t have but what stuck out to me was anxiety. I’ve had anxiety problems ever since I was little and it’s been a while since I’ve really been affected by it. But connecting it to the book, Bromden is very fitting of the description (plus more) of having anxiety. Even though we’re not supposed to be diagnosing the characters, I think Bromden is more fit for paranoid schizophrenia, but they’re similar as they both are almost a form of panic attack. We “concluded” in our group discussion that the fog in the ward could be Bromden’s schizophrenia taking over whenever he is worried. We assumed this because as soon as Nurse Ratched lost control of the patients, it’s said that “There’s no more fog any place” and it was removed when “we let McMurphy lure us out of the fog.” (Kesey 115). And although it may be a weird connection, if I put myself in Bromden’s shoes, basing it off of my life, McMurphy would be like my mother. When I was younger I had 2 main sources of my anxiety: being left alone and getting on airplanes. My experiences and Bromden’s were both put at bay by what is called exposure therapy; which is basically a technique to get rid of a fear by being exposed to it. For me, my mother would take me on planes more often and purposefully make stops at stores so that I could beat my anxiety over time. With Bromden, Mcmurphy would “pull him out of the fog” to stand up against Nurse Ratched. Granted anxiety always comes back, as we see the fog returning when McMurphy stops standing against Big Nurse, but there’s no preventing that.

Reading about Bromden’s mental illness really made me grateful for my mother and how she would be willing to help me, no matter how difficult it would be. Bromden didn’t really have an outlet and when he finally got one, it only lasted a few days. It also gave me a realistic comparison for a representation of my anxiety, that being the fog. Of course it would be different for me because I wasn’t in a mental institution but the way the book looks at it is very accurate. I think if my anxiety ever does come back in a major way, Bromdens’ situation reminded me of a proper way to look at it and a proper solution.

The core structure of Gilead’s corruption comes from the government’s absurd obsession with religion, and even though I haven’t dealt with the same severity, this is something I can relate to. In Gilead, everything the citizens live by is following the bible, even though the majority of people aren’t even allowed to read it. From the constant prayers they have to do, to the gender roles being mostly divided to give a male preference. When I was younger, my household was mostly religious so it’s easier to find connections between my life, Gilead, and Gilead’s connection to the bible. Even though it was implied from the beginning, the part that jumped out at me the most was when Offred sees 2 guardians hung on the wall, “The two others have purple placards hung around their necks: Gender Treachery. Their bodies still wear the Guardian uniforms. Caught together, they must have been, but where? A barracks, a shower? It’s hard to say.” (Page 43) Firstly because up to this point we’ve seen a lot of power from the Guardians, this was before we ever met the Commander so other than a few other roles that we were less certain of at the time, the Guardians seemed more safe than the others. And the other reason is they died because they were caught in love, which aligns with traditional religious values that a man can only love a woman but it also resonates with me in particular because my mother is with another woman.

Around 2018, my mother and father divorced and then not long after a year later, my mom went into another relationship with my step-mom. The problem with that is we went to a Christian church at the time and no matter how much my mothers wanted to get married there, they were forbidden from doing so. This is definitely a lot less extreme than being hung and strung up over a wall but it was still a stupid religious belief that hindered my mothers freedom and happiness. After a while we decided we were going to leave the church, even though it is where my brother, sister and I got baptized, to move to a more accepting church that would also wed them. This was a church that we’ve been going to before I was even born so this was a life changing decision to make, but in the end we decided to prioritize our love over a traditional belief. The new church which was accepting of all people, no matter their religion, gender, race or sexuality and sort of is the real life parallel of the world outside of Gilead in the book.

Another part of the book that relates to the story between my mothers and religion is when we first find out about Moiras’ escape. Although this is also a more loose connection, when I was reading it it also made me think of my family and where we would be if we were in the world of Gilead. Moira was oppressed by the Gilead government as she is lesbian, and her solution was to escape from the red center and arrive somewhere where she is more free. Even though she was less successful than we were, the ideas were similar and overlapped in several ways. Although it wasn’t a direct connection to my family, her escape I think does its job in showing the reader that there still is hope if the characters are careful enough. It made me think of me or one of my mothers in her position and how we would try to escape. Moiras’ character as a whole reminds me of my stepmother with her attitude being more carefree and almost feeling younger at times. So not knowing whether she was able to escape or was caught at the end of her story almost made me sick to my stomach.

This is what makes The Handmaid’s Tale so impactful to the reader, it’s easy to put yourself into the characters shoes. Especially Offred with the entire book just being her thought process instead of her story, it makes you feel like you are there with her. But when I read The Handmaid’s Tale, I see my stepmother in Moira and my mother in Offred. Since they were friends back in the before times it is also easier to relate them, but their attitudes also align. I previously discussed Moira’s connection to my stepmother but Offred and my mom are very alike as they’re both calm and metaphorically powerful, Even if it is out of my control, doing this makes me root for the characters and feel their emotions more than characters not as well made as Atwoods.