One section of The Handmaid’s Tale that quickly caught my attention during my first reading was the beginning of chapter 15, where the Commander is introduced. Throughout the first fourteen chapters, Margaret Atwood references the Commander by title, but he is never directly shown to the reader. As I read these chapters, I found myself intrigued about who the Commander could be and what exactly his purpose was—aside from his status as head of the household—so this section was one of my most anticipated. Looking back, this portion of the book took me through several different states of mind and allowed my perspective on the world of Gilead to shift.

In the first paragraph of the chapter, much is already revealed about the relationship between the Commander and his Wife, Serena Joy. Serena waits in the sitting room alongside the Handmaids and Marthas as the Commander knocks on the door: “She likes to keep him waiting” (86). Offred notices that he enters without any response from Serena, and begins to wonder “Maybe he’s just forgotten the protocol, but maybe it’s deliberate. Who knows what she said to him, over the silver-encrusted dinner table? Or didn’t say” (86). My initial interpretation of this was that the Commander and Serena did not have a healthy relationship, at least at this point in the story. She seems to enjoy holding power over him, even in miniscule ways, showing little trust or confidence in his decisions. I think it is normal for people in a good relationship to act irritably toward one another at times, but for it to be a consistent behavior there must be some unresolved issue between them.

It is in this same scene that Offred describes the Commander’s appearance for the first time. This was an important piece to me because I had been wondering about it since the early chapters, so it took up most of my mind; however, I also noticed that Offred provided subtle hints about her past experience with him. As she looks over his face, she comments that he appears “genial but wary… But only at first glance” (86). She then describes his eyes as “falsely innocuous” (87) and despairs over “his disguises, of benevolence.” Just one of these lines would be suspicious on its own, but the fact that she continued to retrace this idea encouraged me to shift my attention to it. She sees his external appearance as a facade, so she must have experience with a different side of him. If his kindness is false, he must be either indifferent or cruel, and given that the women around him “flinch when he moves” (87), I found myself leaning toward the latter. I didn’t find myself exactly surprised at this, but I also felt like I hadn’t known what to expect. The Commander is hiding something, but what exactly? To me, Gilead seems similar to our world in some ways and vastly different in others, and these inconsistencies made it difficult to fully grasp how this society functioned, especially with the slow rate at which information is given throughout the story.

I still had several questions about what exactly the Commander’s purpose was in the household, and how Commanders contributed to Gilead in a broad sense. Many of these curiosities were answered as Offred continued her commentary, first describing how he and the Handmaids view one another; the Handmaids are “putting him on” while “he himself puts them on, like a sock over a foot” (87). Following this, she thinks about “his extra, sensitive thumb, his tentacle, his delicate stalked slug’s eye,” and everything clicked in my mind. This not only answered what I had been wondering about, but also connected to an entirely different question I hadn’t even thought of. In our class discussions, we described Handmaids as forced surrogates, but it had not occurred to me to contemplate who exactly they were acting as surrogates for. Offred’s descriptions made things clear: the Commander was the one impregnating them and “providing” children for his Wife. This explained why they were afraid of him, and why they saw through his kind mask. I wondered for a moment whether this was unique to the household Offred was in, but due to the uniform nature of Gilead and the pregnant Handmaid shown in an earlier chapter, I was more inclined to believe that this was the position that all Commanders filled.

Through these two pages, I went from having no idea who the Commander was to having a clear understanding of his place in Gilead and Offred’s life, as well as his marriage. Despite the pacing of the story feeling slow at times, Margaret Atwood packs information into the narrative down to each sentence, to the point where skimming while reading can lead to important details being missed. Taking time to read this section slowly and carefully helped me to better understand my own emotional journey through the pages, and documenting it has encouraged me to continue this strategy throughout the rest of the book.

Chapter 17: pg 96-99

The ceremony has just finished, and now Offred is back in her room. The narrator seems to have become very accustomed to the ritual with the Commander; she doesn’t show any signs of being significantly shaken.

“I rub the butter over my face, work it into the skin of my hands…” (96) Offred uses the butter she stole from the dining table earlier as face cream. She explains that ‘vanities’ aren’t meant for the handmaids. “We are containers, it’s only the insides of our bodies that are important.” This poses an interesting question about how the handmaids are treated. While the inside of a container is obviously the most important part of its purpose, personally, I would also care about the outside. However, the only reason to tend to the outside of such a container is for its presentability, and to relate back to Offred, its vanity. The fact that Commanders don’t care for the outsides of their handmaids means that their presentability doesn’t matter, which checks out with how they are covered, and mostly kept inside the house. The important difference, however, is that since these ‘containers’ are human, they care about their own vanity, resulting in tricks like the butter being widespread among handmaids.

“To such devices [using butter] have we descended.” (97) I find ‘descended’ an interesting verb for the narrator to use here. While it emphasizes that using butter is a worse solution than in the Before Times, ‘descended’, to me, makes it seem as though the handmaids downgraded to butter on their own accord, as opposed to a more force-based word. Maybe the reason for this word choice was to show that society as a whole ‘descended’ to this state, forcing the handmaids to use butter for vanity.

“Buttered, I lie on my single bed, flat, like a piece of toast.” (97) I am curious about why the author chose toast for this simile. It successfully connects with being ‘buttered’ and ‘flat’, as well as portraying Offred as nothing but an object. Additionally, toast comes from bread, which is considered a source of nourishment and life worldwide, the same way the handmaids represent life in Gilead. Going further down this thought, toast could mean that Offred has been burned, making her not as pure or lively as she used to be.

“I want to steal something.” (97) In this sentence, and the paragraph before, every sentence except one begins with “I want”. It starts off with “I want Luke here so badly” and escalates into Offred wanting to be valuable. Then, all of a sudden, she talks about stealing, as if it was a thought that just came to her head. While this stream of consciousness is a fair explanation, it is also interesting how Offred turns value into stealing. Since handmaids are treated as nothing, and meant to be as invisible as possible, rebelling is a way to become visible, and as a result, valued.

“I like this. I am doing something, on my own.” (97) The comma in the second sentence, breaking regular syntax, splits what Offred likes into two ideas. The first is that she is actually doing something instead of lying on her bed, breaking her mundane cycle of living. She relishes the freedom she gets in the middle of the night to move instead of sit. The second part that she enjoys is that her actions are her own. By breaking rules, she can now immediately ignore all commands, giving her freedom from the external restrictions she has.

“He too is illegal, here, with me, he can’t give me away.” (98) There is an interesting power dynamic between Guardians and Handmaids throughout the entire story, and it is only accentuated more by this encounter. My immediate thoughts about Offred sneaking around were to question what she has to be afraid of. After all, she is valuable as long as she is physically valuable; her actions, and theoretically her mental state shouldn’t matter. But after more thought, I realized that is not guaranteed. What happens to handmaids who are rebellious? Was the previous handmaid in Offred’s room gone because she became infertile, or for a different reason? I assume these are the questions that Offred is wrestling with as she sneaks through the house. As for Nick, he is completely breaking the rules with nothing backing him up. He is the lowest level of man, meaning he is as invaluable as the next, compared to Offred, who is at least valued for her fertility. This makes me believe that despite the Guardians having weapons and controlling important posts in Gilead, it is in fact the handmaids who have more power.

In chapter 7, of the Handmaid’s Tale our Handmaid is describing a dream to the readers. About different moments within her past the chapter then ends off with her talking about a story. This chapter was probably the most interesting and confusing to me with the very ambiguous way the latter half of it was written. With the use of meta narrative and 4th wall breaks I took a considerable amount of time trying to break it all down for me to understand.
One line that I thought had a big significance within this chapter and even in the story is when Offred is talking about her story. “I would like to believe that this is a story I’m telling. I need to believe it. I must believe it.” (39) It feels like Offred knows that she’s in a story and in my head I saw it as her talking to the readers that she doesn’t even feel like she’s a part of her story more that she has to make herself believe she’s not a cog in a grand machine. I even related this to how Offred constantly dehumanizes herself and reduces herself to something less than like an inanimate object. Offred is almost like a side character within the story. I feel as though she thinks that the world she’s in isn’t right and she shouldn’t conform to the way things work in gilead. Hence the “I need to believe it. I Must believe it.” I also saw it as her somewhat understanding her role within the story. As the one who will eventually make it out of gilead and tell her story.

I thought that the use of the meta narrative style was interesting but also confusing all at the same time, because it really felt like Offred was going back and forth on whether it’s a story she’s telling or one she isn’t. “If it’s a story I’m telling, then I have control over the ending…If it isn’t a story I’m telling. It’s also a story I’m telling, in my head as I go along.” (39) When I first read this I was so confused because all I would read was story this, and story that. Then I started looking into this part more and I thought it made a bit more sense. Offred believes that if she really is the one making the choices for herself and telling her story then she’d be able to have her own ending. If it’s a story she isn’t creating and her choices are not of her own volition then she still has a story in which she can create in her own mind as it’s happening. I had written down that it seems like Offred is conflicted on if the choices that she makes are even her own or how this new society is conditioning her to think. I see it as a bit of both. She has her own actions and thoughts which would be the story she is telling, then it’s the actions and thoughts she has which were conditioned into her, the story she isn’t telling.
At the end of the chapter is probably the most important little section where Offred connects a story to a letter. “A story is like a letter. Dear You, I’ll say. Just you without a name. Attaching a name attaches you to the world of fact… I will say you you, like an old love song. You can mean more than one. You can mean thousands.” (40) Reading this part immediately made me think about the italicized “You” I read as Offred referring to the reader breaking through that fourth wall. Almost trying to find a connection with someone who doesn’t have to live in the world she does. That use of you makes the reader almost feel like they are within the story having to witness the struggle and suffering the handmaids of Gilead have to go through. With this use of the word you, you also have this giant ambiguity to who Offred is even referring to. Could it actually be the reader? Or even the handmaids? As she talks about a story as a letter and the word you is almost calling out to someone to read her letter, listen to her story.
The end of chapter 7 to me is one of the more interesting parts throughout The Handmaid’s Tale. Simply because of how ambiguous it is, there isn’t anything that is said flat out or explained in more detail. It’s just very open ended and up to how the reader wants to interpret it. Which I even think relates to how Offred feels within this story and most likely has to battle with throughout the rest. Which is what she makes of her story whether it be the choices she makes or the ones she is conditioned to follow. The story she’s telling versus the story she isn’t. Neither being set in stone just like the “you” that she’s referring to having the reader decide it’s fate is the same decision Offred must make when telling her story.

Labor- Paris Paloma

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvU4xWsN7-A

This song is about the work and labor that men put on the backs of women in our society. It represents the experience of women in Gilead, who are forced to fit into roles to benefit the men in power. One lyric from Labor is, “24∕7, baby machine. So he can live out his picket fence dreams. It’s not an act of love if you make her. You make me do too much labour” This song explains expectations a man has for a woman and the systematicness and lack of love behind intimacy in this relationship. It details exactly what the Handmaids are required to do. They’re literally treated as baby machines, and that’s the only role that they’re allowed to have. In The Handmaid’s Tale this idea is explicitly expressed through the slogan they must chant,“From each, says the slogan, according to her ability to each according to his needs.” (117). The women are required to do whatever they are able to do to fulfill the needs of the men. This quote originated from Marx to explain a communist system of labor distribution, but the pronouns were changed to show the systemic disempowerment of women working for men in Gilead.

Spinning Room- Ani DiFranco

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnI1MI36Drg

This song is about a woman laying in bed feeling the weight of her life. There are many similar scenes in The Handmaid's Tale that depict Offred laying in bed reflecting on her life and trying not to think about the terror of her current situation. Offred explains, “Nothing takes place in the bed but sleep; or no sleep. I try not to think too much. Like other things now, thought must be rationed. There’s a lot that doesn’t bear thinking about. Thinking can hurt your chances, and I intend to last.”(9). She perceives thought to be dangerous because if she thinks too much she’ll process how upsetting her reality is. This theme also comes across in the Ani Difranco song, as she sings, “But I lay down, Under sheets of concrete, And I can't get the weight of it, Off my mind”. Similar to the book, she’s describing trying not to think about the painful realities of life while laying in bed at night. The experience of being left alone with one’s thoughts and feelings is a theme throughout this song and book.

Girl is a Gun- Halsey

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVjCXSfWsUE

This song makes me think of Moira in the scene where she threatens Aunt Elizabeth in order to run away from the Red Center. The song is powerful sounding, and Offred always seems to describe Moria as rather brave and powerful. In The Handmaid's Tale, Offred pictures Moira threatening Aunt Elizabeth to sound like, “I could kill you, you know, said Moira, when Aunt Elizabeth was safely stowed out of sight behind the furnace. I could injure you badly so you would never feel good in your body again.”(132). Moira uses this tactic of violence and intimidation to run away from her life being controlled by others and being required to have children. The song Girl is a Gun shares the theme of women freeing themselves from the control of men. One of the lyrics that shows this is, “I won't have your baby. Stop 'cause you're killing my vibe. It's a shot in the dark. I'm not a walk in the park. I come loaded with the safety switched off. This girl is a gun”. The song literally says “I won’t have your baby” which is part of Moiras reason for freeing herself. Also the comparison between herself and a gun, in the song, elicits ideas about violence as a means of freedom, which represents Moira running away from the Red Room.

This is What the Drugs are For- Gracie Abrams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0pcQsbUcOo

This song is about deep sadness and longing for someone who is gone. It reminds me of the moments that Offred thinks of Luke and her daughter, and the overwhelming pain this causes her. The song goes, “Now I feel you in my room, Haven't seen you in a lifetime, What am I supposed to do, When you used to be my lifeline?, I've counted all the days, Since you walked away, Look, now I'm alone again, I've gotten used to sleepin' here without you, Though I've tried, I can't pretend, That I don't sit around and think about you, When all I ever do is think about you” The song describes laying in bed and feeling lonely which is very similar to the scenes in The Handmaid's Tale where Offred lays in bed alone, missing her daughter and Luke. Theres a very haunting quality to the song which is definitely the vibe of this storyline. Also the song is called “This is What the Drugs are For” and Offred believes she was drugged in order to forget her child being taken away, so the idea of drugs unsuccessfully easing sadness is reflected in both works. 

Risk- Gracie Abrams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TiMuT2BhwO0

This song reminds me of the budding secretive friendship between The Commander and Offred. They both know it’s dangerous but they’re drawn to each other for companionship. Offred finds herself thinking about him frequently and feels confused about her feelings for him. Offred thinks to herself, “But even so, and stupidly enough, I’m happier than I was before. It’s something to do, for one thing. Something to fill the time, at night, instead of sitting alone in my room. It’s something else to think about. I don’t love the Commander or anything like it, but he’s of interest to me.” She realizes that her feelings for The Commander are rebellious in Gilead, but it makes her feel good. The Gracie Abrams song has a similar message to this, about jumping into a risky situation with romantic undertones. One of the lines of the song is, “God, I'm actually invested, Haven't even met him, Watch this be the wrong thing Classic, God, I'm jumping in the deep end, It's more fun to swim in, Heard the risk is drownin', but I'm gonna take it”. The song expresses the idea that she’s surprised by her investment in a guy, which Offred seems to experience with her feelings about her time with The Commander. Also the song carries the same theme of Offred knowing that seeing the commander is a risk but she thinks it’s worth taking. 

A CASE OF YOU - JONI MITCHELL: I was recently listening to Blue by Joni Mitchell, one of my favorite albums of all time. When I got to A Case of You, I stopped. It reminded me of The Handmaid’s Tale. Mitchell, the narrator of the song, sings about a relationship she is in. While the relationship Mitchell sings about is romantic, the parallels with The Handmaid’s Tale are more platonic. Offred, the main character has complicated feelings toward her friend Moira. She loves Moira, but she’s afraid of Moira. Most of all, we see that Offred—and some of the other Handmaids—are in awe of Moira. We see this in the text after Moira threatens Aunt Elizabeth, “Moira was like an elevator with open sides. She made us dizzy… Nevertheless Moira was our fantasy” (pg. 113). In A Case of You, Mitchell sings, “I’m frightened by the devil / And I’m drawn to those ones that ain’t afraid.” Mitchells ‘devils’ could be the Aunts in Gilead that Offred and the other Handmaids are scared of, and ‘the one that ain’t afraid’ is Moira, who does everything in her power to rebel against the Aunts.

RUN (TAYLOR’S VERSION) - TAYLOR SWIFT: Run (Taylor’s Version) is cozy and acoustic, and follows a couple trying to skip town. This song feels like it tracks the span of Luke and Offred’s relationship in the ‘before times.’ The obvious parallel is the couple leaving a space they find hostile, which Luke and Offred try to do when they drive with their daughter in the backseat to get to Canada. Swift even sings in the chorus, “And run, like you’d run from the law.” Something else I found interesting is just how comfortable and private the couple portrayed in the song is. The song is quiet and the instruments (specifically the acoustic guitar) have a muffled tone. This is similar to the quiet secrecy of the beginning of Luke and Offred’s relationship, when he was still married. Offred remembers a scene in a hotel room, “[Luke’s] knock would come at the door; I’d open, with relief, desire. He was so momentary, so condensed. And yet there seemed no end to him. We would lie in those afternoon beds, afterwards, hands on each other, talking it over” (page 51). The relief that Atwood describes is similar to the comfort Swift describes.

ILLICIT AFFAIRS - TAYLOR SWIFT: Illicit Affairs describes an extramarital affair from the perspective of the ‘cheater.’ Swift sings about the precautions the narrator has to take to not get caught by her husband. Atwood writes about how Offred, when summoned by the Commander, has to take extreme measures to not get caught by anyone in the house, but especially not Serena Joy. Swift also sings about the anger the narrator feels toward her lover. She sings, “And you wanna scream / Don’t call me “kid” / Don’t call me “baby” / Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me.” This rage is also felt by Offred. On the fourth night of their arrangement, she thinks, “My voice was angrier than I’d intended… For [the Commander], I must remember, I am only a whim” (page 159). Swift’s narrator and Offred both feel like afterthoughts.

KISS - PRINCE: Kiss is simple and fun, two things that The Handmaid’s Tale are arguably not. There is a scene, though, that feels a lot like Kiss. In chapter seventeen, Offred sneaks out of her room in the middle of the room and runs into Nick, “He too is illegal, here, with me, he can’t give me away. Nor I him; for the moment we’re mirrors. He puts his hand on my arm, pulls me against him, his mouth on mine, what else comes from such denial? Without a word. Both of us shaking, how I’d like to” (page 98). The kiss that Nick and Offred share perfectly describes the hunger that all of Gilead feels for any romantic connection. Without exchanging any words, they kiss each other, because they are both lonely. In Kiss, Prince describes not caring who he kisses, but wanting to kiss someone, “You don’t have to be cool to rule my world / Ain’t no particular sign I’m more compatible with / I just want your extra time and your kiss.”

RELAY - FIONA APPLE: The refrain of Relay is “Evil is a relay sport / When the one who’s burnt turns to pass the torch.” The idea is that those who have been hurt hurt others. We see this with Serena Joy, who is obviously not happy in Gilead taking out her grievances on Offred. After the ceremony, Serena Joy commands Offred to leave her, “There is loathing in her voice, as if the touch of my flesh sickens and contaminates her” (page 95). Even after all of the hate that Serena Joy throws at her, Offred doesn’t hate her exactly, and isn’t jealous, necessarily. Atwood writes, “Partly I was jealous of her; but how could I be jealous of a woman so obviously dried-up and unhappy?” (page 161). Offred realizes the same thing that Apple does in Relay. They realize that it’s not worth it to be hateful to those who are hateful to them, because they don’t realize that they are just continuing in a cycle.

Who Run The World (Girls) - Beyonce This song “Who Run The World (Girls) by Beyonce” represents the anthem of female empowerment. The song recognizes women , strength,independence,and leadership. It can relate and also represent to all the women in Gilead that are being controlled by a hierarchy run by men. Offred and Moira are both characters that feel and are rebellious against the ideologies that Gilead has against the women. For example, Moria rebels against the system by escaping. “Moira marched straight out the front door, with the bearing of a person who where she was going, she saluted, presented Aunt Elizabeth’s pass… and disappeared.” (132) This song can make a connection to Moira’s escape. Since this song is about rebellion and about strength, it feels the most correct way to show how it can relate towards Moria, so far she has been the character that rebelled the most with stabbing an “Aunt” which is basically a “mother” figure that teaches the handmaids on how to be a good surogat.

Alright - Kendrick Lamar In this song Alright by Kendrick Lamar represents the oppression people of color have to go through in today’s society. The lyric “ Abusing my power full of resentment, Resentment that turned into a deep depression,” stands out to me and represents the type of character Offred is. Offred is a character in Gilead’s society that knows what’s going on, and knows that as a handmaid she gets abused for her power of creating life. “You can get up now, Get up and get out. She’s supposed to have me rest, for ten minutes, with my feet on a pillow to improve the chances.” (95) The lyrics “We gon be Alright” shows a collective determination to resist despair, just as Offred shows how she rebels from Gilead’s oppressive system. Based on both the book and the song, they represent the power of hope, and human spirit, showing that there is always a light in the darkness.

Runaway - Kanye West In this song “Runaway by Kanye West,” Kanye West uses this song to reflect on his own, flawed behavior letting others know and to distance themselves from his instability to form healthy relationships. I feel like the feeling of this song can relate to the men in the world of Gilead. It can relate to this lyric because of how controlling and oppressive the system is. Just like how Kanye expresses his mistakes in his song, the men in Gilead also use women as a tool, rather than treat them as real humanity. Kanye represents himself in the face of destruction. In the book Offred finds this moment of rebellions against the many system using women as tools by seducing the Commander as a power move to get him to trust her, so that she can stab him in the back. (139) “I want you to kiss me, I think about how I could take the back of the toilet apart… some approach to true love, and put my arms around him and slip the lever out from the sleeve and drive the sharp end into him.” (140) We see Offred taking power into her own hands and using manipulation just like Kanye did with the relationship he was talking about in his song. “ When it starts to get crazy, then run away bae, i got a plan, run away as fast as you can.”

I Gave You Power - Nas In this song “I Gave You Power by Nas” describes how a gun is used as an instrument for violence and control. “I don’t get to say shit Just grab me, just do what the fuck they want, Sell me, throw me away.” This can heavily relate to the bodily functions that are being used in Gilead. The women’s bodies are mostly used as tools, just to create human nature. For example in the book, during the ceremony Offred was used as a tool for the Commander and the Commander’s Wife. Offred was an accessory, and used as a tool. “This is not recreation, even for the Commander. This is serious business. The Commander, too, is doing his duty.” (95) Offred expresses that it isn’t love, not recreation of the human life, its just “business”, she sees that she isn’t there to enjoy it, but to rather do it. Both the song and the book share the same on using “tools” as a way of destruction and violence.

No Church In The Wild - Jay Z, Kanye West, Frank Ocean In this song “No Church In The Wild” by Jay Z, Kanye West, and Frank Ocean, describe how the world and its oppression against the people can change and become rebellion. What’s a God to a non-believer , who don’t believe in anything? Will he make it out alive?” These lyrics express how people don’t believe in oppressive systems, and challenge the oppressiveness of the system with rebellion. Challenging people with power can be dangerous. Just like in the book, “The Handmaid’s Tale” , Offred grapples with the hypocrisy of a society that claims to uphold religious values while subjugating women in the society. “Freedom , like everything else, is relative.” It shows how Gilead can twist the idea of freedom and morality to control people. Much like the song, the song also tries to highlight the struggle for humanity in the corrupt system.

Playlist! https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLBEXtV10Ln9JKxSiJfQnMeVQzwS_gbOI-&jct=huXgQAEuw_Ck7NcfyrJlQA

Always- Daniel Caesar

Always is a song about an unfinished love story. It talks about waiting for the person you love to come back and reminiscing on the past. In The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood, Offred talks about her past husband Luke. She talks about going back to him, if he’s still alive, and remembering their life before they went their separate ways. In the story, Offred has 3 different beliefs of where Luke could be and then she says, “The message will say that I must have patience: sooner or later he will get me out…”(106). Offred is saying that even after this time has passed Luke will come find her because they still love each other and they will have a life together. This reminded me of a lyric in the song that said, “I‘ll give you time and space, Just know I’m not a phase, I’m always, ways, ways.” Offred knows that Luke is not a phase to her and that she will always love him. Their time and space is forced but they still have an unfinished love story like the story describes.

WILDFLOWER- Billie Eilish

Wildflower paints a picture of being in a relationship with a person that a girl you are close with already had a relationship with. It talks about seeing the other girl and wondering if she felt the same in the relationship before you. I think this applies to Offred with her relationship with the Commander. Offred knows that what she is doing is wrong and against the rules. One of the lyrics in the song says, “Did I cross the line?” and I think this relates to when Offred first went to the meet up with the Commander and kept saying how this is against the rules. In the story it says, “Anyway, she won’t talk to me much anymore. We don’t seem to have much in common, these days.”(158)This is the commander talking about his wife and how things aren’t the same between them anymore. The song starts off with “Things fall apart and time breaks your heart.” This made me think of the Commander because his relationship seems to be falling apart over time and that is why he started having meetings with Offred. Offred thinks about the Commander’s wife before and during these meetings just like the song says. “But I see her in the back of my mind…All the time.”

Lacy- Olivia Rodrigo

Lacy talks about the comparison between women and the jealousy that comes with that. I think this relates to how the Handmaid’s think when they see another pregnant Handmaid. In The Handmaid’s Tale, a pregnant Handmaid came into the store when they were all shopping and Offred said, “She’s a magic presence to us, an object of envy and desire, we covert her.”(26) In Gilead the Handmaid’s job is that they carry the babies so that is what they are working for. When they saw the pregnant Handmaid they got jealous because that is all they want and for some reason they can’t get it. In Lacy Olivia Rodrigo says, “You got the one thing that I want. Ooh, I try, I try, I try.” The Handmaid’s are all jealous of the one who is pregnant because they keep trying over and over again and she has the thing they are all longing for.

What Was I Made For?- Billie Eilish

What was I made for is a song known for talking about feeling stuck in your life and confused in your life. The chorus of the song goes, “Cause I, I I don’t know how to feel. But I wanna try.” Offred doesn’t know how to feel anymore and she doesn’t know how to express it. In the story it says, “I’ve broken, something has cracked, that must be it. Noise is coming up, coming out, of the broken place, in my face.”(146). Offred had her first meeting with the Commander and she is confused with everything that happened and she doesn’t know what to express that. She has been taught that she can’t express herself so she is having all these feelings now that she has to get out so all she can try to do is laugh. But that is not allowed so she thinks she is broken. Also after the first night she said it was a let down and she was confused. In the song it says, “I used to know but I’m not sure now. What I was made for. What was I made for?” Offred and all Handmaid’s are told that they are just used to carry the babies and now that the Commander is actually doing other things with her she is confused and is questioning why and what is using her for. Like her purpose is changing and she doesn’t know why.

Never Grow Up- Taylor Swift

Never grow up talks about two different ways of not wanting to grow up. Not wanting your little kid to grow up and missing your own childhood and wishing you never grew up. Offred always talks about her daughter and how she wishes to have her back. In the story she was trying to protect her by leaving. Also in the field when they were caught. She describes, “I pull her to the ground and roll on top of her to cover her, shield her.”(75). In Never Grow Up,Taylor sings, “I won’t let nobody hurt you.” Offred remembers her daughter when she was little and she reminisces on everything she did with her. She also thinks back to her own childhood and life a lot. She misses the freedom she had and wishes she was still there. The end of the song goes, “Wish I’d never grown up. I wish I’d never grown up.” She grew to a different person and she misses the person she was before and wishes she was still there. Just like in the song she wishes she was still little but in this case when Offred was little she had a better life.

Always- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKFd12id5oQ&list=PLVdTk5qwCaqkfmubuC1k3HT99ms9i1PvO

Wildflower- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l08Zw-RY__Q&list=PLVdTk5qwCaqkfmubuC1k3HT99ms9i1PvO&index=2

Lacy- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IB5EYuz3XM&list=PLVdTk5qwCaqkfmubuC1k3HT99ms9i1PvO&index=3

What I was Made For?- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cW8VLC9nnTo&list=PLVdTk5qwCaqkfmubuC1k3HT99ms9i1PvO&index=4

Never Grow Up- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maEVfpxDB8k&list=PLVdTk5qwCaqkfmubuC1k3HT99ms9i1PvO&index=5

Throughout reading The Handmaid’s Tale, written by Maragaret Atwood, I have not been able to shake an immense feeling of discomfort. This new, and belligerent feeling was not based upon the many uncomfortable sex scenes, or any sort of generic ideas that would make a teenager squirm in their chair, snickering to their friends. Instead - I have found the source of immense discomfort to be from each scene—or even sentence—holding a strong similarity to real life. On the surface, when I first began to read this novel I alienated myself from the ideas Atwood brought to the surface of my brain. A world structured around increasing birthrates—without money, even—was shocking to read about. Merely grasping the general trope of the story was a feat in itself. It seemed unidentifiable when compared to the life I have experienced; until after some clos(er) reading, that is. Looking back to the notion of discomfort which stems from the similarity to real life, there are scenes throughout the novel, but more importantly this selection of chapters, which resonate with this idea. Which especially resonate with me, as well. At first, ideas such as a world functioning around birthrates, and an ‘America’ without monetary value seemed impossible. In my experience, that was one of the defining points of the country I lived in. An America which was not driven by capitalism? Impossible. An America which encourages people to have more children through dehumanizing them, creating people such as handmaids? Impossible. Yet—as I had begun reading through chapters twenty-one, to twenty-six, I have only begun to see more and more similarities between Atwood’s novel, and our world. From my experience, the dehumanization of people seen within the novel, I can now see within the ‘villains’ of America: pro-life believers. Although not nearly as intense, after making the distinct yet obvious connection, the story slowly left an imprint on my view of real life. It made me deeply uncomfortable. During a scene where the reader experiences Gilead’s “birthing ritual” there is a striking similarity seen. On page 126, “We hold our breath as Aunt Elizabeth inspect it: a girl, poor thing.” Although as seen throughout the entire story, this reminded me of countries like China, where they banned having over one child, which is what made every family desire a boy. While today’s society seems more liberating than Gilead, there are moments when I feel like we are not that far off from a variation of Gilead. I’ve noticed that while reading through this book how much emotion seems to be narrowed down, and stifled. Through reading chapters 21–26, one quote especially resonated with me. “They get sick a lot, these Wives of the Commanders. It adds interest to their lives.” Seen on the bottom of page 154 this quote profoundly shows this notion. Living such a seemingly pointless, repetitive, and mundane life, the Wives within this story must feel quite numb. Something that I love to think about is the notion that emotions are only felt when they are accelerating, or decelerating. This novel, however, seems to completely stagnate the world, careful to not leave room for emotion to flow, and move people—much like a current while out at sea. Seemingly, the wind has disappeared in this setting.
My classmate, Lyev, had an insight especially about this specific scene. “She emphasizes art. Art is the opposite of boredom, right?” Nearly perfectly connecting to this notion of a numb world - Lyev made a brilliant connection between art, and the absence of feeling. Living a repetitive life, without any reason, numbs people, from my experience as a high school student. If I were to wake up and go to school everyday without a goal of some sort, I am sure that I would feel like a Wife from Gilead. Speaking to the mundanity of the Wives life, page 154 continuously aligns perfectly. “…knitting away at her [the wife] endless Angels scarves.” Angels are presumably babies. Seeing as they are endless, it only speaks more to the pointlessness of their way of life. Making scarves for babies, in a world which lacks a notable amount of them, can be interpreted to support Lyev’s point about art. In a world like Gilead, where creativity, autonomy, and overall freedom are completely thrown out of the window, art becomes not just a form of creative expression, but a need. A need for emotional survival; in order for Wives, Handmaids, or anyone within this treacherous novel to keep their sense of self. In this case, Wives knit not for babies’ needs, but their own. For, it is one of the few freedoms which they have. Lyev’s observation, tailored with this portion of the novel, made me think about how we, in our society, also turn to art, music, etc. to break free from our daily lives. From a teenagers’ perspective, this can be seen from the mountains of the playlist which, frankly, we all have, and listen to more than the sound of our own breathing. Especially social media, as well. Much like Offred’s small acts of rebellion seen which seem to keep her sane, art does the same for us. For me. Ultimately, The Handmaid’s Tale seems less & less of a cautionary tale about a distant, and impossible future, and much more like a twisted, and entirely possible version of our world, and reality. This is what makes the novel so unsettling to read: it is essentially a world which feels far away, yet disgustingly similar. It shows a ‘gray area’ of the world which we all know about, yet refuse to look towards.

In class on Wednesday we discussed Angela’s birth and the labor scene described in Chapter 21. We got to see what a handmaid’s birth is like, and what it consists of. On page 123, the reader is told for the first time what the process of giving birth is like. It involves repetitive chants, a handful of handmaids, and spiked grape juice. It says the handmaids have been prepared for this, “We are all good at this, we’ve had lessons” says Offred who helped Janine while she dealt with her contractions.
After Janine has given birth, the wives help the household’s wife down from the Birthing Stool and take her to lie in bed. Then, the baby is taken from the handmaid and given to the Commander’s Wife. Offred speaks about the process after giving birth and how the handmaid will now never have to be sent to the Colonie, or be labeled as an “Unwoman.” She says it’s the handmaid’s “reward.” This entire section of Chapter 21 resonated with me because I honestly can’t imagine the pain of birthing a child, and it’s not something that’s on my bucket list. Pregnancy isn’t always the safest thing, and there could be a lot of issues. The handmaids were very passionate during the chants and seemed to be working hard to try and help Janine out. “It begins to catch me, it’s hard work…Already I can feel slight pains, in my belly” Offred says, and “By now I’m wrung out, exhausted. My breasts are painful.” The handmaids described being tired, sweaty, and in pain afterward, so I can imagine it was not a pleasant experience. It made me think of all the women who have gone through pregnancy and the ones who have had complications and have either lost their lives or have lost their babies. I think complications during pregnancy are a really big issue and people often undermine it. While reading I became curious about what happens with the babies with complications. My curiosity got the best of me and I ended up accidentally spoiling it for myself. I wanted to find out more about what happened to the babies afterward. That led to me finding out about something called an “Unbaby.” I won’t be going into detail about it because I don’t want to spoil it for the readers. But I did end up spoiling it for myself because the author hasn’t mentioned what happens with the babies born, and I wanted to know. I feel like the section I chose to write about was intriguing and it shed light on the impact of pregnancy and made me think of women’s postpartum care. Despite this, there was also something comforting in this chapter, all the women that gather around Janine to support her. The amount of handmaids involved in this process and what they do, Offred says, “The two women help her off the bed, support her on either side while she paces…One of the girls kneels and rubs her back. We are all good at this we’ve had lessons.” and “We are jubilant, it’s a victory for all of us. We’ve done it.” I think these quotes show how supportive and happy the handmaids were to be there for Janine and help her through her pregnancy. There’s comfort in knowing you have help and that it’s coming from women, and people who know what they’re doing. Nevertheless, this chapter and section stuck out to me and left me asking questions.

For this Lit Log, I created a visual representation of Chapter 6 from The Handmaid’s Tale. More specifically, I drew the scene regarding the wall of Gilead. The main details here are the two handmaids, Offred and Ofglen, along with the wall and its six hanging bodies.

A goal of mine with this drawing was differentiating the two handmaids without trailing too far from what happens in the actual scene. One key moment I took inspiration from was Ofglen’s tremor, along with Offred suggesting that she was crying:

“I feel a tremor in the woman beside me. Is she crying? In what way could it make her look good? I can’t afford to know. [p.33]”

Due to how Ofglen is described here, I gave her dress a more frantic pattern. This is opposed to the smoother and more vibrant dress worn by Offred, who reveals that she feels a mix of blankness and relief to the hanging bodies. Relief in particular, because she knows that none of these men are Luke.

Since the handmaids’ headgear are often referred to as “wings,” I also decided to give them literal wings behind their heads. Ofglen’s wings are sharp and alert, while Offred’s wings are more relaxed.

In case the differences with the dresses and wings were too insignificant, I also drew the handmaids’ faces next to them. Ofglen is almost squinting, soft tears running down her face, and Offred has a blank stare.

The wall is said by Offred to be at least one-hundred years old. Because of this, I tried to make it look as antique as possible with the different paint splashes, vibrant warm colors, and the messy brick textures in some areas. I wasn’t sure where the gates would fit in this image, but I did draw flood-lights along the wall instead. There are also seven hooks on the wall instead of six, because it’s noted in the story that not all of the hooks are occupied.

Regarding the hanging bodies, the primary quote I took note of was this one:

“A child’s idea of a smile. This smile of blood is what fixes the attention, finally. These are not snowmen after all. [p.32]”

Offred’s description about the bodies being like snowmen inspired multiple things for this drawing. To start, the title of this piece and the writing on the wall behind the men. I also decided to give the bodies a cold bluish-gray color, considering that they’re lifeless. They are compared to snowmen even earlier in the scene when Offred notices the outlines of the faces through the bagged heads, and suggests that they’re like snowmen without the coal eyes or carrot noses. I drew shadows in place of the eyes because of this.

Back to the main quote from before, one of the bags had blood seeping through it in the shape of a smile, “like the mouths painted with thick brushes by kindergarten children. [p.32]” This detail stood out enough for me to put the smiling body in the center, even though that would mean the other five bodies would have to be off-centered. I also made the smile glow a bit, since it’s being seen from far away.

In short, what’s portrayed in the scene are the two handmaids with opposing emotions, the eerie wall in front of them, the lifeless doctors and scientists, and the bleeding smile on one of the bags. I made sure to re-read the chapter before drawing this representation so I could include as many details and perceptions as I could. I believe this chapter in general is significant to emphasize the cruelty of Gilead, and the individuality of the two handmaids. Since it’s pretty early in the story, Chapter 6 of The Handmaid’s Tale serves as part of a well-done exposition.