AUTHOR NAME: J.K. Rowling STUDENT NAME: Lauren Nicolella Element #1: Third Person Point of View Element #2: Chapter Organization Element #3: Paragraph Length Your ORIGINAL scene, copied and pasted: The Unexpected Three Days

I wake up seeing that I am not at home. “You’re awake now,” states a voice in the distance. It took me a few minutes to realize that my parents aren’t here, but my grandparents are along two of my cousins. I start to shed a tear, asking my grandma, “Grandma, where’s mommy and daddy and Ellen?”

My grandma didn’t know how to say it but I soon found out that I was going to stay there for the next two days while my parents and Ellen were away. I started to call for my parents but none of them responded back.

“Quay Ling, you are going to stay until mommy, daddy and Ellen come home so stop crying.”

I’ve never been apart from my parents like this before. This was new. I kept crying until my cousins came to me with toys.

My cousins tried to cheer me up. “Hey, you are going to have so much fun at grandma and grandpa’s house,” They would repeat. We kept playing until they had to leave.

Now, it is just me and my grandparents. They played with me too.

The next day, I’m swinging back and forward. My grandpa took me to the park around the neighborhood and he pushes me on the swings.

“Thank you, Grandpa, for taking me to the park today. It was really fun!”

My grandpa got a phone call from my grandma telling us to go back home, “It’s time to go home, it’s nap time for all of us.

“Hey, Quay Ling. It’s time to go back now, okay?” said my grandpa.

The last day, “Quay Ling, let’s go home now. It’s time to leave. It is getting late,” said my mommy.

I’m crying again because I am leaving my grandparent’s house to go back home. I wish that I could stay a little more.

“Can’t we stay a little long? I really like hanging out with my grandparents.” “You can stay again next time and we can do more things,” said grandpa.

“Okay, I’m happy now. Good bye, grandma and grandpa!”

Your REWRITTEN scene:

Quay Ling is sleeping over her grandparent’s house for three days without even knowing about it. Her parents and her sister left to go to a college tour trip without Quay Ling. Quay ling wakes up to her that her parents and sister are missing. She is confused of how they are missing so she went to ask her grandma that is in the room with her, “Where are my parents and my sister?” Her grandma didn’t know how to respond to that. In the look in her grandma eyes is like she was scared to say something so my grandpa came in the room Quay Ling was sleeping in and break the news to Quay Ling.

He said to me, “Quay ling, you are awake. Your parents and your sister are going to a college tours trip for big kids and they will be gone for one days.” Quay Ling started to cry that her parents didn’t her to the trip and left her with her grandparents. Her grandparents try to calm her down by comforting her and saying that “It’s going to be okay” and that “you are going to have so much fun here with your grandparents.” Quay Ling end up stop crying because her grandpa trying to make her laugh. While her grandpa is trying to make her laugh, her grandma is making dinner.

“It’s time to eat you two,” said her grandma. They both of them came down stairs and they all ate together. The dinner table had all the food that Quay Ling like to eat. They all enjoy eating the food together and talking to each other. After dinner when her Grandma and grandpa were done cleaning up, they started to play ring a the rows and singing songs until it was time for Quay Ling to go to sleep.

“Good Night, Grandma and Grandpa. I love spending time with grandma and grandpa. Let’s do it again tomorrow.” They all went to sleep. Her grandparents were happy that she wasn’t depress anymore that she wasn’t her parents and her sister.

“The School Trip to Venice”

In April 2014, Maddi’s class went to Venice, Italy.

They were sad because, at the beginning of the year, the teachers told them they wouldn’t going to have the school trip to Paris. One day, a teacher came to class and said that they were finally going to have a school trip, and it would be to Venice. During some seconds none of them spoke. They were just astonished. She was talking about Italy! After a few seconds processing that good news, they started hugging each other and screaming. It was a very new experience because it was the first time that school planned a trip which wasn’t London, Bertiz, Paris or Seville.

The day of departure, they all met at 5:00 a.m. in Donibane-Lohitzune. They had 22 hours of bus. They stopped each 3 hours, though. After having dinner at a highway restaurant, teachers turned bus’ lights off. Only a few people could sleep. During that night, they passed from France to Monaco, and from Monaco to Italy. The next day, at dinner time, they finally arrived to Venice, and pupils divide into two hotels and had dinner there. They all went to sleep. During that trip, they visited the most emblematic, famous and symbolic monuments of Venice, like San Marco Piazza, Basilica, and then other places like the old Jewish ghetto, Santa Maria Della Salute Church, some palaces, and the awesome islands of Burano and Murano. Venice’s old city is full of little rivers and then the Grand Canal. So they were a lot of bridges which we crossed all the time, and from one of them, we saw the amazing Ponte Dei Sospiri. They took the public transport, a boat called Vaporetto, and from there they saw classic and marvelous houses and the wonderful Ponte di Rialto, were couples in love leave locks with their initials.

After a fantastic trip, we finally had to say “Arrivederci, Venezia!”, and go back to the Basque Country!

NOTES

1: I wrote the scene in the third person, like if I was the narrator and described what characters are doing.

2: I put a title that describes what’s going on in the scene.

3: I have included a lot of description, as you do in your third element, and I did a long paragraph too. I couldn’t include other characters points of view because I think we all thought the same about what was going on, so I wrote the general opinion of people and described all as we all would do.