Freeze framed over a barrier (Saamir Baker)

“Teylor come here.” Kwame called out

“What do you want?” Teylor said irritatedly

“Listen to how he says this line in our poem”

In my mind, I think I'm saying mother and brothers perfectly. It’s been the same way I always pronounce stuff with a ‘th’ in it mo-ther, bro-ther. How do I say it differently?

“I have two younger broders and i am scared for my moder, I don’t want to see her digging her sons in the grave because a cop thought the black brush in his hand was a gun  

I want to be able prove that I will live after 25”

“You see how he says mother and brother?”

“No, Saamir say it again. But this time just say mother and brother.” Teylor said softly

“Moder, broder. What am I saying wrong?”

“You say it with a d, instead of a th. Make your tongue move like this when you say it”

“Mother? Brother?”

“Yeah like that say it like that!”

I took a lot of pride in the fact that I learned how to say two words the correct way almost instantly. I tried to say them again but again to my agony I said ‘Moder and broder’ again! I never knew I said it with a ‘d’. It was kind of upsetting to me that no one ever decided to tell me about the way I spoke.

Though I knew deep in my heart this wasn’t new at all to me, but it still stung. Ever since kindergarten I had a bad reading and speech problem. Teachers thought I would be another statistic and never succeed, but somehow with all of their doubts, I ended up at SLA. My mom fought to get me help with learning how to speak properly because she couldn’t understand what I was saying to her. I couldn’t pronounce my own name properly, so everyone called me Sa-mir instead of Saa-mir, and it became my new name.This was my secondary name because I wasn’t able to speak properly. Even to this day, because I am so used to it, I let people call me Samir.

My school's speech woman, who came to help me, supposedly, would never show up at first. She downright refused to help me after a month of being with me because she thought I was in her mind fine, though no one still couldn’t understand what I said. It took my mom threatening to call her boss if she didn't help me. To this day, I only remember her helping me once. That one time was in the middle of class, and was spent talking to me for only 5 minutes before leaving. Sometimes I wonder what if she actually gave me the help and compassion a real teacher would have gave me. How would I be able to speak now? Would I be able to say th words with no problem?

Later on in life, the next school I moved onto helped me learn how to read to the point of me exceeding my classmates; through a lot of hard work and determination in more ways than one. As I grew up I learnedto speak and read better but still I had a small session everyday where I got pulled out of class to learn how to speak. The teacher I had was very good at teaching me I still remember her lessons she gave me, and how much she beamed with passion. Her and everyone else in that school knew I could succeed, and helped me do it. Which is why it came at such a surprise when Teylor (now called Ty) and Kwame pointed out I wasn’t able to pronounce ‘th’ words. It turned out that even my girlfriend knew I couldn't pronounce words even further than just the ‘th’ words, which came as a shock to me. I really thought I was pass all of my struggles as a person who couldn’t speak properly.

It disappointed me, and made me lose a lot of self-confidence. I thought I had been progressing further  and becoming a better speaker . I really took pride in the fact that I had overcome such a huge barrier speaking wise, just to find out I was jumping over it in slow motion. It was never fully overcome to begin with, and it was really disheartening. What made it even worse was the fact nobody told me that what I was saying was wrong.. After Ty told me how to pronounce words properly I went straight to work. I desperately tried to change the way I spoke, but I couldn’t. It was my signature flair to the way I spoke.. I started to accept the fact I said things differently. I learned that I shouldn’t beat myself up on something that was just me, it was just something that is me.

While I was getting the tools I needed to become a better speaker, I learned how to read. I went from barely being able to read a Dr. Seuss book, to reading full novels. Reading became my hell when I couldn’t read, but once I learned how to read, it became somewhere where I can escape. I credit the amazing teachers I had that did not make me feel like I was dumb. They gave me confidence in myself as a reader, while giving confidence in my speaking ability. I also credit reading so many books to helping me learn how to speak better. Since, the two go hand in hand.