My Attitude Towards Studying Through the Years

It’s very difficult for me to concentrate, focus and not be distracted while doing my homework. Even if I only need to spend ten minutes to finish my homework I am not able to do it since I find myself being lazy, slacking off, checking my phone, watching videos, playing games, you name it I do it. I can’t even count how many times I have found myself doing this over the years. 
When I am able to focus and regain my concentration I wonder why and think why do I have this horrible habit and when did this horrible habit begin? Most of all I say how could this have happened to me?
How do you get this habit? 
As a kindergarten student I rarely caused any trouble in class. My grades were above average, my behavior in class was good, and I never cheated on quizzes and tests. I knew nothing about the world, no pressure in my family and was always happy. Maybe that’s the reason why I did great in kindergarten.
Why do you not just change this habit?
When I was in first grade, I made more friends in my class. We learned the same things in the class, ate lunch together, played together during recess, and took the same tests. I thought that my attitude I had in kindergarten would have stayed with me during my primary school’s life, but thing didn’t quite stay that way.
Did you even try to change it?
During the years of second, third and fourth grade I continued doing well in school with no problem. But there were more students in class that disrupted the learning and those that that to repeat their year. But still that did not change my attitude towards studying. So far…
Why can’t you stop it yourself?
Grade 5, Oh Boy. Things are not going the way it should be...somehow. My brother and I changed schools because the school we attended was too far from where we lived. Sadly we said farewell to the students we had known and went on to our new school. The students in our new school had a much different attitude than the students from my old school. In the new school, half of the students in my class just did not want to study, at all. They talked a lot during in class, had poor attendance, did not hand homework on time, and even cheated on quizzes and tests. My brother and I were in different classes. For me this was the start where I began to have a similar attitude as the other students finding myself not involved with school. I did not realize it how my attitude changed. I started not turning in homework, sleeping during the class, breaking some minor school rules, and even cheating during two tests. All of this lead to my grades turning bad, failing tests and exams, and getting scolded by teachers. The sad part was, this continued in 6th grade but minus the cheating part because I realized I should not do that again. Doing it once and not getting caught was enough, My mind now tells me I should stop writing because it is getting worse talking about it.
Why did you keep doing that if you knew it is a bad habit?
After finishing 6th grade, I went to middle school for grade 7 where my brother and I were finally in the same class. The students in that high school, Oh God. Some of the students along with myself at times worked hard in the class and behaved well in front of teachers. But other times, they played with their phone under the desk, chatting, sleeping, being lazy, not handing in homework, cheating on tests and exam, etc. And me, it was getting even worse grade than in grades 5 and 6.  I did not hand in homework on time because I was doing other stuff while “doing homework” at home. Other stuff means playing, idling, daydreaming. This even happened when I was studying for exams. I was not able to concentrate on my exams even when I was in a different classroom than the other students to take the exams. This scenario repeated again in grades 8 and 9. And it was getting even worse than ever. The students were not really bad, they just lazy to me.
You are really hopeless, aren’t you?
When I got the news of my brother and I were going back to United States to study for grades 10, 11 and 12, I talked to myself. I really, really needed to change this horrible habit. A new place, a new me. The school was chosen by my dad, and he did not make a wrong decision. The students in that school are kind, the teachers there like to help. I like it. Because of that, I started to work even harder at school and at home, to not let my parents hopes down. But the habit I have only has only slightly improved. I still have this habit and still, I wonder why?
When will it end?
I just can't stop it. I don’t know how and I don’t know why? I just can’t control myself. Everytime when I do work, I will play on my laptop or my phone, and ignore the work in front of me. I find that I am letting students and teachers that have helped me down, letting my parents down, and even letting myself down. I struggle to finish homework, and even struggle to finish this essay. Because of that, I have so much overdue homeworks. My heart struggles every time I did that, my sadness increases every time I did that. What is the reason behind this? Is it because one time I saw my brother playing with his computer while doing homework? Is it because I have ADHD? I don’t know. It’s grade 11 mid-term now, I hope to make a resolution change for myself, and it's to remind myself to do my work stop watching Youtube or checking my phone. I need to just finish my homework before playing. Maybe it looks useless for me but that’s my New Year’s goal I want to make.

Comments (3)

Kyianna Thomas (Student 2019)
Kyianna Thomas

I am really impressed with this because I helped you when you needed to decide on what you wanted the topic to be about and I really can see that this was a good topic for you. You used the word habit really well. I could tell it helped you get your point across

Wedage DeSilva (Student 2019)
Wedage DeSilva

I learned that it's hard to overcome a lot of influences from your environment. But with time and actual will to overcome these obstacles become an ease. The techniques that you used were very well meshed with your story. I fully understand both techniques incorporated, "timeline" and "repetition."