Alan Lee Chan Public Feed
My Attitude Towards Studying Through the Years
It’s very difficult for me to concentrate, focus and not be distracted while doing my homework. Even if I only need to spend ten minutes to finish my homework I am not able to do it since I find myself being lazy, slacking off, checking my phone, watching videos, playing games, you name it I do it. I can’t even count how many times I have found myself doing this over the years.
When I am able to focus and regain my concentration I wonder why and think why do I have this horrible habit and when did this horrible habit begin? Most of all I say how could this have happened to me?
How do you get this habit?
As a kindergarten student I rarely caused any trouble in class. My grades were above average, my behavior in class was good, and I never cheated on quizzes and tests. I knew nothing about the world, no pressure in my family and was always happy. Maybe that’s the reason why I did great in kindergarten.
Why do you not just change this habit?
When I was in first grade, I made more friends in my class. We learned the same things in the class, ate lunch together, played together during recess, and took the same tests. I thought that my attitude I had in kindergarten would have stayed with me during my primary school’s life, but thing didn’t quite stay that way.
Did you even try to change it?
During the years of second, third and fourth grade I continued doing well in school with no problem. But there were more students in class that disrupted the learning and those that that to repeat their year. But still that did not change my attitude towards studying. So far…
Why can’t you stop it yourself?
Grade 5, Oh Boy. Things are not going the way it should be...somehow. My brother and I changed schools because the school we attended was too far from where we lived. Sadly we said farewell to the students we had known and went on to our new school. The students in our new school had a much different attitude than the students from my old school. In the new school, half of the students in my class just did not want to study, at all. They talked a lot during in class, had poor attendance, did not hand homework on time, and even cheated on quizzes and tests. My brother and I were in different classes. For me this was the start where I began to have a similar attitude as the other students finding myself not involved with school. I did not realize it how my attitude changed. I started not turning in homework, sleeping during the class, breaking some minor school rules, and even cheating during two tests. All of this lead to my grades turning bad, failing tests and exams, and getting scolded by teachers. The sad part was, this continued in 6th grade but minus the cheating part because I realized I should not do that again. Doing it once and not getting caught was enough, My mind now tells me I should stop writing because it is getting worse talking about it.
Why did you keep doing that if you knew it is a bad habit?
After finishing 6th grade, I went to middle school for grade 7 where my brother and I were finally in the same class. The students in that high school, Oh God. Some of the students along with myself at times worked hard in the class and behaved well in front of teachers. But other times, they played with their phone under the desk, chatting, sleeping, being lazy, not handing in homework, cheating on tests and exam, etc. And me, it was getting even worse grade than in grades 5 and 6. I did not hand in homework on time because I was doing other stuff while “doing homework” at home. Other stuff means playing, idling, daydreaming. This even happened when I was studying for exams. I was not able to concentrate on my exams even when I was in a different classroom than the other students to take the exams. This scenario repeated again in grades 8 and 9. And it was getting even worse than ever. The students were not really bad, they just lazy to me.
You are really hopeless, aren’t you?
When I got the news of my brother and I were going back to United States to study for grades 10, 11 and 12, I talked to myself. I really, really needed to change this horrible habit. A new place, a new me. The school was chosen by my dad, and he did not make a wrong decision. The students in that school are kind, the teachers there like to help. I like it. Because of that, I started to work even harder at school and at home, to not let my parents hopes down. But the habit I have only has only slightly improved. I still have this habit and still, I wonder why?
When will it end?
I just can't stop it. I don’t know how and I don’t know why? I just can’t control myself. Everytime when I do work, I will play on my laptop or my phone, and ignore the work in front of me. I find that I am letting students and teachers that have helped me down, letting my parents down, and even letting myself down. I struggle to finish homework, and even struggle to finish this essay. Because of that, I have so much overdue homeworks. My heart struggles every time I did that, my sadness increases every time I did that. What is the reason behind this? Is it because one time I saw my brother playing with his computer while doing homework? Is it because I have ADHD? I don’t know. It’s grade 11 mid-term now, I hope to make a resolution change for myself, and it's to remind myself to do my work stop watching Youtube or checking my phone. I need to just finish my homework before playing. Maybe it looks useless for me but that’s my New Year’s goal I want to make.
When breaking the 4th wall...
‘So you go to kill her, because she is my mother… WHAT?’
So in this moment, I got confused by the script. That’s the time to talk with the director.
‘Hey, director!’
‘You tell me to shut up? Hey! I have a question! And you call me to shut up? Did your mum teach you to be polite to everyone huh?’
...
‘Who wrote this script? This scene is trash! Wait… not even the scene is trash, the entire script is trash! Look at the grammar! Change the plot, fast!’
...
At this point you may ask, why an actor will complain the script? Well...that’s not an argument, this scene is actually in the script, so don’t worry.
...
‘What the hell man? And now you start swearing to me and try to lower my salary because I was being rude to the director? Not cool man, NOT COOL!’
...
But this scene is not in the script, things start getting wrong. Ugh!
‘Hey Director! I just follow the script, what are you angry for?’
...
‘What? You don’t want me to in this movie?’
...
I got the feeling when you screwed up and get someone angry! So, you may ask, ‘Hey, so how do you calm the director down?’ Spoiler alert, I calm him down but with a long story.
Don’t want me in this movie? Yeah.
‘That’s not cool, director!’
‘That’s what the script tell me to do, calm down.’
‘Oh guys, here! Help me to calm down the director, please!’
…
‘Just like they said, calm down!’
‘Just… just look at the script god damnit’
…
‘Oh now you feel sorry huh? You should be. Thanks you friends!’
So the director calmed down and we keep on filming.
But before we refilm, me and my friends spend a hour to rewrite the script with frustration.And we are off!
‘So you want to kill her because she killed your mum?’
...
‘But that so risky, she know how to kill but you, you barely know how to use a scissors! How can you avenge your mum if you don’t know how to deal with a killer?’
...
‘What cut, director, huh?’
…
‘What are you saying? What “I don’t like this script?”! We already CHANGE the script. What do you want?’
…
‘Now you want to fire us all, but you can’t! You are not the boss here! Let me call the boss. Oh wait, that’s no signal here, darn.’
...
‘What do you want?’
...
‘Whoa! He-hey, calm down, director. Put down the knife, that is a real knife, not a prop. Just… put it down.’
‘Holy crap, you almost hit me when you throw the knife! Friends, HELP!’
…
‘Director, put down the gun. That’s not a prop too. Put it down before someone get shot, ok?’
In this moment, he pointed the gun to me and fire straight right to me, luckily I dodged it just in time!
‘Friends, I am sorry! Don’t come in here! Call 911 instead, quick!’
Now i stuck in a large filming room with 4 other actors and actresses, they hide with me in the same place. And he is coming to our hiding place!
…
‘This is not what fire mean...oh crap, RUN!’
I am so dumb, I give up our position to him! Although he still misses me but he hit one of the actresses in the leg and I shout…
‘Quick, distract him by throwing anything you found. I am going help the girl!
They trust me and do what I tell them. This give me time to rescue the girl. I move her to the cover at least.
‘Are you ok? I am sorry i don’t have any bandage but some Tissue paper for stop you bleeding. Oh, the cops are here.’
I will never break the 4th wall again!
Alan (Missing) Personal Essay
After me and my brother left a farewell party hosted by my classmate back in Hong Kong. I was very sad, it’s like losing a bunch of friend immediately and the feeling is still here. I miss then so much! After that, I wondering how my life will be different when I move to America at home with sadness, and Pokemon, yeah!
But before we moved to America, me and my brother know that Pokemon is very popular in America so we planned to made a Youtube channel about Pokemon, because we watched a lot Youtube videos After watching for 3 to 5 years, we are going to make a Pokemon Youtube channel to be a Youtuber. We thought for about 2 days what kind of video we want to post on Youtube. We thought about gaming, animation, review and etc. At last, we plan we are going to upload Pokemon stories, because my brother love Pokemon stories very much! But still, I haven’t upload any video on my Youtube channel. So sad. ;(
On the first day of school, I feel excited and happy. I like to meet new students and so I’m excited! If I remember correctly, my first friend was Bobo. One thing I found out is that most of the students don’t understand Cantonese, or even don’t know what is Cantonese. Well, Cantonese is the language of the Cantonese people. In mainland China, it is a lingua franca of Guangdong Province and some neighbouring areas, such as eastern Guangxi Province.
It’s been a month in the school, I feel good and the students are very nice, I like it! They help me a lot, in homeworks, in projects, in warmups, etc. I like them! I joined the baseball team because I want to improve my baseball skill, I learned baseball in Hong Kong before. Even the students in baseball team are nice too! That’s cool.
Because I am a Pokemon fan, I feel very happy when I meet another Pokemon fan! One of my friend is a Pokemon fan so we talk a lot more than others, if I meet a Pokemon Fan, the first question I ask is, “What is your favorite Pokemon?” “Mine is Missingno. , a.k.a. Missingnumber!” “Why do you like a glitch Pokemon like Missingno., Alan?” “First, I like the design; Second, the moveset is unusual, and I like unusual things; three, the shape.” “But which version you like more, red,blue or yellow?” “I like the design of red and blue version, but talking about moveset, either!” After some Pokemon conversation, I said, ”So I herd u liek Mudkipz” “SHUT UP, ALAN!! STOP THAT MEME!!” That’s my favorite part of my Pokemon conversation! Troll!!
But I am not always happy in the school. Sometimes I feel lonely and left behind. I don’t quite know how I got this feeling but it’s onto me everyday in school. I just want someone care about me. Hugs?
