“You should be ashamed of yourself!” This statement is something that many children, especially boys, grow up hearing. As children, humans are taught that there is a specific way that they are supposed to act, and if they cannot act that way then they deserve to feel shame. Men specifically are expected to fit the mold of being strong and loving sports-- of being a “ladies’ man” and not showing emotion. They are supposed to be proud of being this way, even if it’s common and anticipated. If, and when, they don’t fit this description of being “manly”, it is possible for them to lash out. Pride, and thus shame, encouraged by our society drives men to hurt themselves and others over the idea of being a “real man”.

The book Lord of the Flies, by William Golding, peers into the young minds of boys and shows that even at early adolescent ages masculine pride influences how children treat each other. In the novel, there is a group of boys stuck on a deserted island with no adults. At first, many of them get along, but there is consistently a single outcast- Piggy. Piggy’s character is defined by the fact that he is a weakling in both survival and social situations. He is fat and has been coddled his entire life. Even from the group’s first encounter on the island, they are rude to him, leave him out, and tease him, saying, “‘You’re talking too much,’ said Jack Merridew.” (21). This first interaction sets up the standard for the treatment of Piggy throughout the book. He is known as ‘Piggy’ for the rest of the book, which shows that though he is a major character, first and foremost he is feeble and fat. The other boys don’t see anything in him, beyond that, because he does not fit the mold of what a man is ‘supposed’ to be. Because Piggy is less than what they aspire to be, the other boys disregard his intelligence and anything else about him that might be good. They strip Piggy of his pride, and thus he occasionally lashes out to make them listen to him. It is only in these times that they give him even an ounce of respect. At various points throughout the book, Piggy grabs the conch shell, which is part of a rule that the boys set; anyone holding the conch gets to talk without interruptions. When Piggy does this, it forces the boys to listen to him, and seems to be the only way that they will hear him out. However, most of the time they talk over him anyway, and as the book goes on and the boys plunge further into insanity, their adherence to the conch rule diminishes, leaving Piggy once again left out, and eventually, dead.

As demonstrated by the boys’ treatment of Piggy, the world sees weakness as something to be ashamed of. In professions where pride and strength is valued over anything else, the stakes of being overpowered are raised. This is applicable in the case of the military, specifically male rape in the military. According to an article written by Carol O’Brien, Jessica Keith, and Lisa Shoemaker on the American Psychological Association’s website, “approximately 50% of survivors of military sexual assault are men, virtually all of the literature focuses on the assault of female service members”. This gives insight to the fact that not only are men expected to be strong, but women to be weak. Therefore when a man is overpowered, even by their superiors, they do not seek help because they want to preserve their pride, to hide from their shame. This is a double standard that makes help almost inaccessible to men. When men are told day-in and day-out that they must be durable and forceful, they learn to hide any times when they weren’t perfect, impairing their ability to get help. This relates to the novel when Ralph and Jack are fighting over who will be the most dominant in the group instead of working together; neither wants to be seen as weak or frail. This need to be strong and in power eventually is a factor that drives them insane.

Another moment of prime masculinity in Lord of the Flies is when the boys are finally rescued. Jack and his choir boys have been overcome with bloodthirst and were hunting for Ralph, setting the entire forest on fire to smoke him out. From afar, a navy vessel saw the smoke and flames, and came to see what the commotion was about. In this, the navy men discovered the group of boys that have been trying for months to be rescued. Upon the realization that they would be saved from this island, the boys began to cry. Beholding this the narrator describes, “The officer, surrounded by these noises, was moved and a little embarrassed. He turned away to give them time to pull themselves together” (202). Even in this time of reflection on the horrors endured on the island, the boys are meant to be composed. As is in the book, societies around the world say that men are “supposed to” not show emotion, because they are seen as the most stable. Lea Winerman, in an article for the APA, says, “Many boys, he [Ronald F. Levant] says, learn from their parents and from other children that they are not supposed to express vulnerability or caring.” Not only does this hurt the men themselves, possibly causing depression or other mental health issues, but can cause men to hurt others due to built-up emotion that they were shamed about upon expression. Men are human beings, but are expected to act without fundamental emotion.

In societies across the world, men are conditioned to be closed off to even their friends and family, and to feel ashamed of their emotions. They are taught vigorously to be proud of themselves from birth and to not speak about any type of defeat or vulnerability. This makes it hard for them to accept help, because the price of said help is self-shame, being patronized, and being disrespected. When they don’t receive this aid, they are forced to stifle their emotions. Men lash out against those around them to cope with the bottled-up emotions that have been brewing, possibly, for years. We, as humans, condition our men to be self-stable, but don’t expect the same of our women. It is evident through looking at most societies, humanity as a whole, and Lord of the Flies that pride and shame are two sides of the same coin that we thoughtlessly flip to decide our values and actions.

Works Cited

Golding, William. Lord of the Flies. New York: Penguin, 2006.

O'Brien, Carol, et al. “Don't Tell: Military Culture and Male Rape.” Bay Pines Veterans Healthcare Affairs, 2015. Found on the American Psychological Association website Here: http://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/ser-ser0000049.pdf

Nelson, Tammy. “How to Be a Man of Integrity in a Time of Toxic Masculinity.” The Huffington Post, TheHuffingtonPost.com, 15 Nov. 2017, www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-be-a-man-of-integrity-in-a-time-of-toxic-masculinity_us_5a0caef9e4b006a16baf1ee7.