Renegade of the Stars Posted by Amado Alfaro-Allah in English 3 · Pahomov · A Band on Wednesday, May 30, 2018 at 12:54 pm https://docs.google.com/document/d/1991O_GImge2FN1pPcGuhlbdTWdxFq9KwqJlIsCFA-9g/edit?usp=sharing Comments (2) Paxton Wentzell Your story was awesome. I didn't have time to read it all during the period but I'm definitely gonna go back and finish it later. It's just that entertaining. Your writing style is so you. I read the whole thing in your voice and it totally fit. It was awesome the way you snuck the exposition into the story. It was super discreet and I'm super grateful for it. You had a tendency to repeat some things. Something that comes to mind is in chapter 2 you keep repeating that the dog stole the bag. We all know that the dog stole her bag. It only happened like 3 sentences ago. Also, you have this theme of betrayal or maybe it's just defying the reader's expectations. Whatever it is, it's common throughout the chapters and just makes the whole story flow a lot better. Everything just seems more interconnected. Alan Lee Chan Your story really looks like a volume of a series that newly published. And the setting in the story is quite interesting too. Log in to post a comment.