Sadi, Lit Log #1, What Is Peace Of Mind?

In Margaret Atwood’s critically acclaimed novel The Handmaid’s Tale, we see the idea of sanity and what mentality truly is brought up. It made me wonder what Atwood was trying to convey about one’s sanity and how differing situations impact it. As I read back, I felt as if Atwood was trying to tell us that oftentimes reality is the very reason that we lose our minds. I felt the same as Atwood when I was confronted with this. As oftentimes one’s circumstances are the very reason that they lose touch with reality, and not necessarily what is going on with their heads. At the same time, it made me wonder about how your past comes back to haunt you and ruin your current sanity. I felt that this was the perfect way to describe what was happening to Offred throughout the story, and specifically on page 109. I was able to notice this idea immediately when Atwood wrote about the idea of living in a “paranoid delusion.” On page 109, Atwood writes, “After these dreams I do awake, and I know I’m really awake because there is the wreath, on the ceiling, and my curtains hanging like they drowned white hair. I feel drugged. I consider this: maybe they’re drugging me. Maybe the life I think I’m living is a paranoid delusion.” This made me think of how Atwood continuously discussed the ideas of Offred’s dreams and how they make her feel. We see this throughout the entirety of the text, when she’s dreaming about her past with Nick or her friends. Every time she gets one of these dreams, it continues to add to her trauma. She mentions multiple times how her dreams make her distracted from reality, which is often a sign of being mentally ill or losing oneself. I believe that by Atwood adding these details, she keeps showing us readers that Offred is slowly losing her mind due to her current situation and her being unable to do anything about it. As Angel brought up in our discussion with the phrase “Don’t let the bastards grind you down,” was ingrained into Offred’s mind, as if she was trying her hardest to resist her mind being torn down by her current state. Which honestly makes sense to me due to how hard Offred was trying to resist. We can tell she was trying to resist because Atwood discusses how Offred is paranoid, and oftentimes paranoia is a sign that one is trying to gain awareness or control of their situation. It also made me think of Batman, how the villain was always afraid that Batman was watching from the shadows. Offred is constantly afraid that the dreams will get worse and keep haunting her, and also afraid that she will be destroyed by her current situation and lose all her sanity. In fact, in the very next paragraph, Offred talks about her own sanity. Atwood writes, “Not a hope. I know where I am, and who, and what day it is. These are the tests, and I am sane. Sanity is a valuable possession; I hoard it the way people once hoarded money. I save it, so I will have enough, when the time comes.” This was what solidified my belief that Offred was slowly losing her sanity. I feel like she is trying her hardest to just save a little bit for the future when she may need it, or in case she tries to escape. She knows that she is slowly losing it and is only trying to keep the bare minimum. She says, “So I will have enough, when the time comes.” Which tells us that she just wants enough, not anything more and not anything less than what she needs. It really shows how desperate Offred is to maintain a part of herself and not let Gilead fully take her over. I think that it really shows the desperation and willpower of someone who is trying their best just to survive. I feel like Offred’s main reason for her strength is just to try to survive and live another day. I also believe that she has some ounce of hope that she will one day be able to escape, which is why she is trying to maintain her sanity. I feel as if Atwood is trying to convey the true depth of one’s mind and how humans have a tendency to try to save at least a shred of themselves, even when they are slowly losing it all. For me, the thing about this section that stood out the most was the line “Sanity is a valuable possession.” It made me wonder how valuable sanity truly could be in a world where you must abide by a strict set of rules and do not truly have any rights of your own. I believe that Atwood is trying to show us that no matter what, you must always maintain at least a shred of dignity, at least a shred of yourself. No matter what situation you have to go through. So in the end, it truly makes me wonder, what is peace of mind? How can we achieve it? Will our minds ever know peace?